Something Old, Something New. Darcie Boleyn

throw up on the carpet, a child will cry or someone will need a poo.

      I listen carefully until I hear Janis padding up the stairs. The bathroom door swings open and her head appears.

      ‘Mum?’

      ‘Yes.’

      ‘Sorry to disturb you but it’s Dad. He wants to Skype us now.’

      ‘Now?’ I wipe my hand across my top lip, which is moist with sweat.

      ‘Yes.’

      ‘Can he wait twenty minutes?’

      ‘Dad, can you wait twenty minutes?’ she says into her mobile. She goes quiet and I strain to hear his reply. ‘No, sorry, Mum. He says he has a business dinner in an hour so he has to speak to us now.’

      ‘Oh okay.’ I quickly wash then heave myself out of the tub as Janis goes into her room to set up her laptop. I towel off the ends of my hair then pull on my fluffy white towelling robe. If we’re quick, I can get back into the bath before the water cools.

      I head into Janis’ room and see that she’s already speaking to Evan. Her laptop is on her desk and she’s sitting on her chair in front of it, so I perch on the bed behind her.

      ‘Mum’s here now.’ Janis tells Evan. I peer around her shoulder and see my ex on the screen. I take in his handsome tanned face, his sparkling eyes like the ocean with their blue-green hue, and his dark hair still so thick and shiny. These days he wears it short, the shoulder length curls are long gone, but I can still recall how it felt to run my fingers through them. I can remember how good his full lips felt as they met mine and…

      ‘Hey Annie!’ His face lights up and I feel myself flush. Being around Vlad today must’ve stirred some dormant part of me.

      ‘Hey Evan. So what’s up?’

      ‘Just wondering how my two favourite girls are.’

      I shake my head. He always was a charmer. ‘Yeah, yeah. What’s so important that it couldn’t wait until I’d finished my bath?’ I pat my damp hair and his smile broadens.

      ‘Sorry. Didn’t mean to disturb you. I just wanted to run something by you.’

      ‘Okay–’

      ‘Janis, could I speak to Mum alone for a moment?’

      ‘But Dad, you’ve only just called.’ She pouts and I see him falter.

      ‘It won’t take long angel, I promise.’

      ‘Okay. Speak soon.’ She blows him a kiss then leaves the room. I wait until I hear her reach the bottom of the stairs.

      ‘Annie?’

      ‘Yes.’

      ‘Are you wearing a bathrobe?’ Two pink circles appear on his cheeks.

      I roll my eyes. ‘I didn’t have time to dress.’ I peer at myself in the bottom of the screen but realise that he can only see my shoulders and head. ‘Come on Evan, what’s so important that you had to interrupt my bath?’

      ‘Well, like I said in my text, I’ve been thinking about Janis’ birthday and I’ve had a few ideas.’

      ‘Go on.’

      ‘Annie, what’ve you done to your nose?’

      ‘What?’

      ‘Is that a graze?’ He peers at me from the screen.

      I touch the bridge of my nose carefully. ‘Yes. I… uh… tripped today in the park. Long story.’ I wave my hand dismissively, not wanting to share the finer details of my embarrassing fall with Evan, and I realise that I don’t want to tell him about Vlad either. ‘So what was your idea for Janis?’

      ‘Well, as it’s her eighteenth, I thought we could do something special. As a family, perhaps.’

      ‘With Henry and Anabelle?’ I hope that he isn’t about to propose anything that doesn’t include my youngest children. We come as a package.

      ‘Absolutely! I wouldn’t be so callous as to leave them out, Annie.’

      ‘Of course not.’ I’m so defensive where the children are concerned sometimes and I’m terrified of anything hurting them. I let out a slow breath. ‘So?’

      ‘How about an all-expenses-paid trip to New York?’

      ‘New York?’ I am filled at once with delight and confusion. I have always wanted to go to Manhattan but never had the opportunity. ‘How would we…’

      He leans closer to the screen. ‘I have to go there in May for a company meeting at the Waldorf and they’re putting me up there for a week. Families are allowed.’ He grins at me and looks just as innocent and enthusiastic as he did when he was eighteen.

      Families? ‘When exactly in May?’

      ‘The second week.’

      ‘Ah.’ My heart sinks. He’s still the same old Evan in so many ways, forgetting the crucial factors that rule our lives. ‘We can’t do that week.’

      ‘What? Why not?’ His dark brows form a frown and his sunny expression is clouded by doubt.

      ‘School.’

      ‘What?’

      ‘You know, the place where I work and where the children go. And Janis has college and exams.’

      ‘But Annie, surely you can miss a few days for the trip of a lifetime? I thought it was half-term around then anyway.’ His cheeks darken.

      I shake my head. ‘We can’t all bunk off school. Some of us have commitments.’

      He rubs a hand over his face and sighs. ‘I know you have commitments, Annie. Believe it or not, everyone has commitments of some sort or another. But this is a great opportunity for the children to see one of the best cities in the world. You wouldn’t have to pay anything; the company would cover all costs. It would mean so much to me to have Janis… and you guys… there. We could celebrate her special birthday in style.’

      Celebrate. Typical Evan. His life seems to be all about living it up and visiting fancy places, about meeting with movie directors and game developers. He has no idea what it’s like to have a normal job with normal worries. Of course, he spends most of his life on the other side of the world, far away from his child and ex-wife, so how could he understand? ‘It sounds fabulous Evan, it really does, but it’s a no from me.’

      He sits back and folds his arms across his chest and I know that I’ve hurt him with my refusal to be drawn into his enthusiasm. The bridge of my nose throbs and it makes my eyes water. As I watch him, I am reminded of how I used to feel when we argued, even over petty things like the washing up. He’s a good guy but he’s impulsive at times and I just can’t be like that. We are so very different, yet I wonder how it would feel to be the one who could act without regard for consequences or fears of the future. To be light and free to act upon a whim. Sometimes I wish I could let go, I honestly do, but the idea of losing control terrifies me.

      ‘So this is a no because of your job, right?’ He unfolds his arms and steeples his fingers under his chin. I wonder if he’s about to psychoanalyse me.

      ‘That’s right and because the children have school.’

      ‘It would hardly hurt the younger two to miss a week, would it?’ He’s so persistent and I realise that this is the part of him that needs to be in control emerging.

      ‘That’s beside the point, Evan. Holidays during term time are frowned upon now. You’d know that if you were…’ I wince and grit my teeth. That was unfair. I was about to admonish him for not being a full-time parent, for not being here. I am hurled back in time to when he left. Janis was so young then; I’d tucked her into bed first and he read her a story. He’d packed his bags earlier that day when I’d taken