Dr Eve's Sex Book: A Guide for Young People. Marlene Wasserman

infuriated and seduced. You could be grateful to escape temporarily into this paradise where you are the centre of the Universe. I want, I want… At the same time you could be outraged that unobtainable standards of wealth, luxury and beauty exclude you and most men and women that you know. You want to look beautiful. Yet one tends to think that wanting to look beautiful is about the dumbest goal one could have.

      As an emerging adult you are responsible for sifting, questioning, being hyperalert to the messages about beauty you are receiving. Think of beauty differently. Yes, physical beauty is to be admired but it really is skin-deep, fades with time and is most definitely no guarantee of a great life as an adult.

      Body modification

      Become educated about body-altering before making any decisions.

      Feel that earring lightly caressing your neck, tugging gently on your ear lobe? Kind of sexy, isn’t it? It’s meant to be. Earrings were originally designed to enlarge the ear lobes of men and women as in certain cultures large ear lobes were considered sexy and attractive. Humans have always found ways to enhance their beauty and make themselves feel more erotic and sexy by modifying their bodies.

      What is meant by “body modification” or “body alteration”? It is the permanent or semipermanent deliberate altering of your body for nonmedical reasons – for beauty. Nearly every human society has practised or practises some type of body modification. Now it might be difficult for you to get your head around some of this stuff, but remember each one of us is an individual and we all have the right to make choices about how our bodies look. I certainly prefer that people make individual choices rather than be dictated to by the beauty myth.

      However (and there is always a “however”!), definite rules apply to the choices you make about body modification:

      •Taking responsibility for how your body looks physically carries consequences with it. So rule number 1 is: Become educated about body-altering before making any decisions.

      •If you are under the age of consent, wait. If you are an “adult”, research what you’re planning to do. It can be very expensive to correct or undo.

      •Any body alteration is a definite and permanent statement.

      •Your friends may encourage you – if you alter your body to please others or to feel a sense of belonging, you may regret it later. The choice has to come from your own heart.

      •Consider all the pros and cons before making your decision: pain and permanence are important factors.

      •Discuss the idea of body modification with your parents first. Get an idea of their values and beliefs on this as it may help you to make up your mind. It also gives them an opportunity to get into your head.

      •There is still a lot of stigma attached to most forms of body modification, so be prepared to be judged and put into a category according to your choice of body alteration. The ignorance and fear of others will lead to them labelling you – and it will not always be a nice label.

      Types of body modification

      Make-up

      Consider all the pros and cons before making your decision: pain and permanence are important factors.

      I bet you would not have thought of this as falling into the category of body alteration.

      When to begin using make-up may be determined by your peers, your parents’ attitude and of course pressure to look like your favourite teenage pop star. Make-up is fun and is available to enhance your natural looks. Look through magazines, pick up tips from television and movies and be aware of other people’s make-up. But use a critical eye and create your own individual look. Permanent make-up is exactly what it says, so be careful when choosing to colour your eyebrows in black or have a permanent red line done to your lips. As you become an adult you will want to play with different looks all the time.

      Hair

      Guys might not choose make-up to alter their looks, but they can be very creative with modifying their looks using their hair. Hair on your head can be long, cut, shaved, styled and dyed. On your face, growing a moustache, beard and sideburns are obvious choices.

      Ever thought of plaiting your chin hairs, or dying your eyebrows? Of course you should honour restrictions placed on you through school and family rules. But think out of the box when creating your identity.

      Cosmetic surgery

      The most popular form of body modification. Undergoing expensive and often painful surgery is the choice of many young people in pursuit of the beauty myth. Breast enlargement, breast reduction, liposuction (removal of fat from stomach and thigh areas), lip augmentation (plumping up lips), eye and nose alteration and complete facials are some of the most common procedures. If your self-esteem is deeply compromised by a part of your body that cannot be changed through healthy eating and exercise, then you could consider cosmetic surgery. Otherwise face the mirror rather than the knife!

      Body sculpting

      By this I mean gym, dancing, working out – any exercise that is designed specifically to alter the shape of your body. It takes lots of time, hard work and dedication, so be sure your motivation for doing it is health, happiness and increased self-esteem. It’s a matter of accepting that some things can’t be changed.

      But of course, if you are a skinny, scrawny boy, adding a few muscles will go a long way to making you feel much better about yourself. Too much sculpting can cause injury and body distortion, so train with a professional.

      Tattoos

      There has been a resurgence of both tattoos and piercing in Western culture since the early 1980s. Tattoos are a permanent and definite statement. As you grow into late adolescence, you have more power over your own body and if you want to make deliberate changes to your body it will be a powerful statement about yourself. However, always consider the pros and cons of tattoos:

      •Pain is involved.

      •Tattoos are permanent (I can’t stress this enough).

      •Parents and other authority figures (like possible employers in your future) may object, which will cause you grief – especially if the tattoo is very visible.

      •A tattoo tells a story about you for all to see.

      •There is a possibility of infection if an inexperienced tattoo artist does the work.

      •A tattoo is a fashion statement and fashion is constantly changing.

      •A nonhygienic environment and the using of old needles when applying the tattoo may put you at risk of HIV transmission.

      •Henna tattoos can be a fun, nonpermanent alternative.

      Piercings

      Gone are the days when girls were taken for their first and only piercing of their ears. Nowadays ears, tongue, nose, eyebrows, bridge of the brow, lip, cheek, chin, navel, nipple and genitals are pierced – it has become the new body jewellery. Jewellery has always been there to beautify men and women – it is not only an indicator of wealth and status, but is used to enhance feelings of wellbeing and sexiness. Now piercing takes regular jewellery to another level: it modifies your body to your own individual specifications. For some people the experience is thrilling, while for others it is painful, although they see the final outcome as worth it. Unlike tattoos, piercing is not permanent. But always consider the pros and cons carefully before you decide.

      Branding and scarification

      These are extreme forms of permanent body modification. Branding involves branding the skin (as is done with cattle) with the name or symbol of your choice. Scarification is performed by making tiny cuts in the skin and inserting dyes in order to alter the colour of the skin. Or else the skin is burnt and designs are created with patterns of the scars. You really