Dr Eve's Sex Book: A Guide for Young People. Marlene Wasserman

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      Dr Eve’s Sex Book

      A Guide for Young People

      Rights • Responsibilities • Rewards

      Dr Marlene Wasserman

      ILLUSTRATIONS BY

      FRANCESCO NASSIMBENI

      Human & Rousseau

      The layout of this digital edition of Dr Eve’s Sex Book: A Guide for Young People may differ from that of the printed version, depending on the settings on your reader. The layout displays optimally if you use the default setting on your reader. Readers can experiment with the settings to have the text displayed differently.

      The publisher bears no responsibility for the persistence or accuracy of URLs for external or third-party internet websites referred to in this book, and does not guarantee that any content on such websites is, or will remain, accurate or appropriate.

      This book is dedicated to my three children:

      Sean, Jessica and Zia.

      I thank you for choosing me to be your mother.

      Foreword

      THE LACK OF ACCURATE AND PROPER EDUCATION for our youth regarding sex, sexual health and sexual identity in South Africa is quite clear, taking into account the high rate of sexually transmitted diseases (STIs), gender-based violence, teen pregnancy, HIV/AIDS and rape that we have. With hardly any education in schools and often less in their homes, youngsters are forced to learn about sexual health through friends, or more likely, through personal experience. Dr Eve, however, hopes for and mentions a different scenario.

      Dr Eve’s Sex Book: A Guide for Young People is an informative and straightforward book about sex, youth, health and pleasure. The Guide is about being comfortable with your body as well as with a partner’s. It raises the right questions and gives the right answers. The balance between well-researched information, discussion, myth-busting and fun is one of the greatest assets of the Guide, making it a compelling and enjoyable read.

      Dr Eve’s discussion of HIV/AIDS is well informed, and well communicated. She reveals the alarming situation that faces youngsters, in fact, all of you, but is quick to explain that with sexual health and responsible behaviour young adults can still become healthy and sexually active adults.

      As with the Treatment Action Campaign’s HIV/AIDS Treatment Literacy Program, Dr Eve focuses on prevention and stresses the necessity of education. The section entitled “HIV/AIDS Myths and Misconceptions” sheds light on some of the epidemic’s most destructive myths, and then focuses the discussion on the realities of the epidemic. In the end she reaches the heart of the problem: HIV/AIDS is real, you can get it, but with educated decisions you can avoid the risk, while still having a healthy sexual life.

      Dr Eve is a great believer in more sexual health education. Her ability to keep the reader’s attention shows that sexual health should have its place in the education of South African youth, and the very fact that you have chosen to read this book shows that there is an interest and a need. For youngsters, as for all of us, information about sexual health should be open and accessible rather than closed and restricted. In the end, Dr Eve has taught us that with responsible behaviour, as well as some education, sex can be safe – but more importantly – be fun.

      Zackie Achmat

      TREATMENT ACTION CAMPAIGN

      Preface

      SOUTH AFRICA IS IN THE MIDST of a sexual crisis. We lead the world in virtually every sexual problem: the HIV/AIDS epidemic, high rates of sexually transmitted infections, unwanted pregnancies, sexual abuse, incest, rape and sexual violence of a disproportionate nature. The ones suffering the most under these circumstances are our children. They are the innocent victims. One would imagine there would be a mass action from both private and government sectors to save and protect the youth of our nation. Some action has been taken, but unfortunately the strategies used are not producing the results one would like to see. On the contrary, the incidence of sexual crimes climbs higher daily.

      Perhaps it is because the very idea of contemplating and talking about children and sexuality in the same breath is desperately uncomfortable for most of us. Therefore we create policies and new laws, and add extra security systems to keep our children safe at home. Yet the one thing we do not do is actually talk to and educate our youth about their sexuality and relationships.

      We as a society, hide behind grandiose terms such as “abstinence-based education”, “child protection efforts”, “good touches versus bad touches”, etc. We even want to implement censorship of press, as a desperate measure to deal with this sexual crisis. Scare tactics are used to prevent teenagers and young adults from doing what actually comes so naturally to them. We tell them they will die, go to hell, fall pregnant and get a bad reputation if they are sexual. We feed them incorrect information, shame them, ban them from their computers for a week, turn off the television when a sexual scene is screened, in the hope that they will be frightened and confused enough to stay pure for a while longer.

      This creates unnecessary tension, all because we as parents don’t really know the correct answers or what the best approaches are.

      I am a mom, who raised three children in what I think is a sexually healthy environment. I am also a Clinical Sexologist, which means that I work with people’s sexuality and relationships all day. Perhaps because I am a professional, working in the midst of this sexual crisis, I have, over the years, healthily integrated sexuality into my life – which means that I talk about it at the dinner table. As easily as we laugh over the latest teacher gossip at school or debate about what is the best way for America to withdraw from Iraq, we talk about what we think about a report of a group of 12-year-olds performing oral sex on their boyfriends as we pass the salad.

      I wrote this book as an act of passion for every South African teenager and young adult. Every time I create a safe and professional forum in which people can talk about sexuality, I have despairing, insecure and deeply concerned parents and teenagers coming forward with a need to be taken seriously and wanting to get correct information and education.

      Dr Eve’s Sex Book: A Guide for Young People is a response to this overwhelming need.

      This book follows the principles of the three R’s: Rights, Responsibilities and Rewards. It’s quite simple really. As a teenager you have the right to sexual and relationship facts, and the right to learn skills and develop the critical thinking that will enhance your ability to make good decisions. Only when you approach your rights with responsibility, will you reap the rewards. Dr Eve’s Sex Book: A Guide for Young People provides you with these skills: the skills to think, delay, protect and prevent and to get pleasure out of any responsible sexual activities that you consensually decide to enjoy – alone or with a partner.

      As a parent I invite you to read this book. It will educate you, surprise you and open your eyes to a world that you perhaps never entered into as a teenager – or entered, but which left you with regrets about your experiences there.

      I believe that it is dangerous not to educate our children about their sexuality and relationships. I agree with the research that shows that children who are offered a comprehensive education about sexuality, have their first sexual debut later and are more likely to practise safer sex.

      Dr Eve’s Sex Book: A Guide for Young People is in line with a comprehensive sexuality education programme: abstinence is specifically encouraged, whilst information about sexuality is provided within a skills-based context.

      Giving this book to your teenager or young adult provides you with a wonderful educative opportunity to give permission to your child to explore their sexuality and relationships, safely and responsibly.

      I encourage you to jump in and take the risk. Read this book and begin talking to your children, to your parents and friends. The alternative is too terrible to contemplate.

      If you are a teenager or a young adult, thank you for reading this book and investing in your sexual health!