The Red House Mystery and Other Novels. A. A. Milne

_enters down_ R. _and stands behind settee_.)

      Six, seven--Yes, Betty, what is it?

      BETTY. If you please, ma'am, cook would like to speak to you for a minute.

      (TREMAYNE _goes up_ R.C.)

      BELINDA (_getting up_). Yes, I'll come.

      (BETTY _goes out, leaving the door open_. BELINDA _crosses Before the table_.)

      (_To_ TREMAYNE.) You'll forgive me, won't you? You'll find some cigarettes there. (_Points to table up_ R. TREMAYNE _moves by the back of the settee and holds the door for_ BELINDA. _She turns to him in the doorway_.) It's probably about the lamb cutlets; I expect your little one refuses to be cooked.

      (_She goes out after_ BETTY.)

      (_Left alone_ TREMAYNE _stalks moodily about the room, crossing it and kicking things which come in his way. Violently, he kicks a hassock which is above the table_ R. _to under the table_ C., _then he takes up his hat and moves towards the swing doors and half opens them. He pauses and considers--then he comes down to the centre table, throws down his hat, moves round the left end of the table, finds the dog in the way and then sits on the table with his hands in his pockets, facing the audience. As he has been moving about the room, he has muttered the names of_ BAXTER _and_ DEVENISH.)

      DEVENISH (_entering from the door_ R., _which he closes and goes to foot of the settee R.--surprised_). Hullo!

      (_A pause_.)

      TREMAYNE (_jealously, and rising_). Are you Mr. Devenish?

      DEVENISH. Yes.

      TREMAYNE. Devenish the poet?

      DEVENISH (_coming up and shaking him warmly by the hand_). My dear fellow, you know my work?

      TREMAYNE (_grimly_). My dear Mr. Devenish, your name is most familiar to me.

      DEVENISH. I congratulate you. I thought your great-grand-children would be the first to hear of me.

      TREMAYNE (_moving to_ L.). My name's Robinson, by the way.

      DEVENISH (_connecting him with_ DELIA). Then let me return the compliment, Robinson. Your name is familiar to me.

      TREMAYNE (_hastily, and going towards_ DEVENISH). I don't think I'm related to any Robinsons you know.

      DEVENISH (_dubiously_). Well, no, I suppose not. When I was very much younger I began a collection of Robinsons. Actually it was only three days ago, but it seems much longer. (_Thinking of_ DELIA.) Many things have happened since then.

      TREMAYNE (_uninterested, moving_ L.) Really!

      DEVENISH. There is a man called Baxter--(TREMAYNE _displays his jealousy of_ BAXTER.) who is still collecting, I believe. For myself, I am only interested in one of the great family--Delia.

      TREMAYNE (_eagerly, and going quickly to him and placing his hand on DEVENISH'S left shoulder_). You are interested in _her_?

      DEVENISH. Devotedly. In fact, I am at this moment waiting for her to put on her hat.

      TREMAYNE (_warmly, banging him on the shoulder with both hands_). My dear Devenish, I am delighted to make your acquaintance. (_He seizes his hand and grips it heartily_.) How are you? (DEVENISH _backs to the settee in pain_.)

      DEVENISH (_sitting on settee, feeling his fingers_). Fairly well, thanks.

      TREMAYNE (_sitting above him and banging him on the back_). That's right.

      DEVENISH (_still nursing his hand_). You are a very lucky fellow, Robinson.

      TREMAYNE. In what way?

      DEVENISH. People you meet must be so very reluctant to say good-bye to you. Have you ever tried strangling lions or anything like that?

      TREMAYNE (_with a laugh_). Well, as a matter of fact, I have.

      DEVENISH. I suppose you won all right?

      TREMAYNE. In the end, with the help of my beater.

      DEVENISH. Personally I should have backed you alone against any two ordinary lions.

      TREMAYNE. One was quite enough. As it was, he gave me something to remember him by. (_Putting up his left sleeve, he displays a deep scar_.)

      DEVENISH (_looking at it casually_). By Jove, that's a nasty one! (_He suddenly catches sight of the mole and stares at it fascinated, then stares up at_ TREMAYNE.) Good heavens!

      TREMAYNE. What's the matter?

      DEVENISH (_clasping his head_). Wait. (_Rising and moving up to L. _of_ TREMAYNE.) Let me think. (_After a pause_.) Have you ever met a man called Baxter?

      TREMAYNE. No.

      DEVENISH. Would you like to?

      TREMAYNE (_grimly_). Very much indeed.

      DEVENISH. He's the man I told you about who's interested in Robinsons. He'll be delighted to meet you. (_With a nervous laugh_.) Funny thing, he's rather an authority on lions. You must show him that scar of yours; it will intrigue him immensely. (_Earnestly_.) _Don't_ shake hands with him too heartily just at first; it might put him off the whole thing.

      TREMAYNE. This Mr. Baxter seems to be a curious man.

      DIVENISH (_absently_). Yes, he is rather odd. (_Looking at his watch_.) I wonder if I----(_To_ TREMAYNE.) I suppose you won't be-- (_He stops suddenly. A slight tapping noise comes from the room where they keep umbrellas_.)

      TREMAYNE. What's that!

      (_The tapping noise is repeated, a little more loudly this time. DEVENISH moves to end of table_.)

      DEVENISH. Come in.

      (_The door opens and_ BAXTER _comes in nervously, holding his bowler hat in his hand. He moves towards the swing doors_.)

      BAXTER (_apologetically_). Oh, I just--(TREMAYNE _stands up_) --I just--(_He goes back again_.)

      DEVENISH (_springing across the room_). Baxter!

      (_The door opens nervously again and BAXTER'S head appears round it_.)

      Come in, Baxter, old man; you're just the very person I wanted.

      (BAXTER _comes in carefully_. DEVENISH _closes the door_.)

      Good man. (_To_ TREMAYNE, _taking_ BAXTER _down_ R., _and placing his arm round his shoulders_.) This is Mr. Baxter that I was telling you about.

      (BAXTER _removes_ DEVENISH'S _arm from his shoulders_.)

      TREMAYNE (_moving up to_ BAXTER _and much relieved at the appearance of his rival_). Oh, is this Mr. Baxter? (_Holding out his hand with great friendliness_.) How are you, Mr. Baxter?

      DEVENISH (_warningly_). Steady!

      (TREMAYNE _shakes_ BAXTER _quite gently by the hand_.)

      Baxter, this is Mr. Robinson. (_Casually_.) R-o-b-i-n-s-o-n. (_He looks sideways at_ BAXTER _to see how he takes it_. BAXTER _is noticeably impressed_.)

      BAXTER. Really? I am very glad to meet you, sir.

      TREMAYNE.