Sound Bites. Victor L. Cahn

make sure the unions don’t blackmail our industries into bankruptcy!”

      “Yay!”

      “Let’s make sure we’re allowed to keep the money we make!”

      “Yay!”

      “Let’s tell all those so-called scientists what they can do with their crackpot theories about global warming and climate change!”

      “Yay!”

      “Because they’ll do anything they can to get their hands on our money, right?”

      “YAY!”

      “Finally, let’s keep the do-gooders and the nanny state far away from our kitchens and our bedrooms and our living rooms . . .”

      “Yay!’

      “ . . . and our offices and our classrooms and our churches . . .”

      “Yay!”

      “And most of all . . . away from our wallets and pocketbooks!”

      “Yay!”

      “Let’s work to preserve life and save marriage . . .”

      “YAY!”

      “To make sure our children learn what we want them to learn!”

      “YAY!”

      “About how great America was, how great it is, and how great it can be again!”

      “YAY!”

      “That’s why I have just two words for those liberals who think they have a right to tell the rest of us how to live. Just two words that they should remember. And what are those two words?”

      “Hdssff. . .”

      “What are they?”

      “Hands off!”

      “That’s right. Hands off!”

      “Yay!”

      “C’mon, say it with me! Hands off!”

      “Hands off!”

      “Louder!”

      “HANDS OFF!”

      “Once more!”

      “HANDS OFF!!!

      “That’s the spirit! That’s the real American Spirit! And now it’s off to victory! Thank you!”

      ¶ ¶ ¶

      “I was embarrassed for her.”

      “Those were the words of Senator Vance Harrington, when he was asked by our Cindy Howell about the much-discussed speech by Representative Cassie McClellan before the Conservative Colloquium this past week.”

      “I mean, this woman is bright. She’s educated. But there’s no doubt that she debased herself by appealing to the lowest elements of her party.”

      “And what might those be, Senator?”

      “The purveyors of hate and fear: the twin pillars of the contemporary conservative movement.”

      “Do you really feel she offers nothing else?”

      “That’s all I heard. And that’s why her performance was sad. Even sadder, though, was how enthusiastically she was embraced by a crowd that listened to her rip immigrants and workers, as well as the governmental support system we cherish, then become even more hateful and fearful than she was. Hard to imagine, but there you have it.”

      “The word is, sir, that she may run for your Senate seat.”

      “I gather as much. Well, if I ever considered retiring, the thought of Cassie McClellan sitting amid the greatest deliberative body in the world is enough to make me try for one more term. This country simply deserves better.”

      The Campaign

      “This is a beautiful house, Congresswoman.”

      “Thank you. We’re very happy here.”

      “And your children are just lovely.”

      “Thank you again. We’re very proud of them.”

      “Will I have a chance to speak to them further? I’m sure our audience would enjoy getting to know them.”

      “I’m afraid that won’t be possible.”

      “I understand. But what part do you expect them to play as you compete for a seat in the United States Senate?”

      “At this point, I‘m not sure. After all, they’re entitled to lead their own lives.”

      “Yet you never seem embarrassed to bring them onstage with you during campaign appearances.”

      “As I said, I’m proud of them. They’re a big part of who I am. And I want the voters to know that above all else, I consider myself a wife and a mom.”

      “Your family comes first.”

      “Absolutely.”

      “Although you also insist that you want to keep them out of the public eye.”

      “They’re entitled to privacy.”

      “Will their status ever change?”

      “I hope not.”

      “A few years ago, however, your daughter did achieve a measure of notoriety on her own.”

      “She did, indeed.”

      “And that episode forced her to leave her school.”

      “Not exactly. She decided to change schools. There’s a big difference. And she did so strictly of her own accord.”

      “Now she attends a school with a church affiliation.”

      “Again, the choice to go to such an institution was hers, and we were very proud to support that decision.”

      “Could you explain the circumstances under which she left her previous school? After all, they’re already public knowledge.”

      “Nothing complicated. She spoke out against a pervasive bias in several of her classes.”

      “For example?”

      “She felt that her American history teacher glorified far-left positions while sneering at conservative points of view.”

      “Anything else?”

      “She also protested when her biology teacher refused to give equal attention to creationism as an alternative to the secular theory of evolution.”

      “Did you support her perspective?”

      “I certainly did.”

      “Do you believe in creationism yourself?”

      “I think it should be acknowledged as a valid point of view.”

      “Do you believe in it?”

      “I believe it ought to be acknowledged.”

      “But do you reject Darwin’s theory of evolution and believe that creationism ought to be taught in high school and college science classes?”

      “I think it must be acknowledged.”

      “Do you really trust the Bible on matters of scientific authority?”

      “The Bible is the greatest book ever written.”

      “I understand—”

      “It is the book on which I base the values that guide my life—”

      “But do you really believe the earth is just a few thousand years old—”

      “All I’m saying is—”