Twenty-Four Shadows. Tanya J. Peterson

exactly what. Well, that wasn’t fully true; he was off because he was a bad person. He didn’t know why he was so awful, he didn’t mean to be awful, and he tried to hide it from the world. He wanted to be good, so he pretended to be, but he worried that people, especially Reese and Dominic and maybe even Max and Gretchen, could see right through him to his rotten core.

      His rotten core flew into the air with the rest of him when Max grabbed both of his shoulders from behind and shouted, “Put on your party hat, and let’s get this party started!” When Isaac just looked at him as he attempted to calm his pounding heart and regain his ability to breathe properly, Max instructed, “Seriously. Put on your party hat,” and proceeded to hand him a pointy paper hat with fire trucks on it. Isaac yanked it out of Max’s hand, strapped it on, and glared at him. “Don’t glare at me. You should thank me for making you look festive.” Max laughed. Isaac sighed.

      “Actually, the yard is what looks festive. Thanks for your help, Max. I think the best is that obstacle course.” Isaac nodded toward the course that began in the far corner, extended to the swing set, through the sandbox, and looped around and through various hoops, jump ropes, balls, and a sprinkler. “You did an amazing job with that. The kids will love it. I mean, you completely ignored my plan and did what you wanted to do, but I can’t even complain about it because this is fantastic.”

      “Uh, what?”

      “The obstacle course.” Isaac gestured. “It’s great. I’m impressed with what you did.”

      “Dude. What are you talking about?” Isaac took in Max’s perplexed expression and mirrored it with what he assumed was his own equally bemused look.

      “What do you mean, what am I talking about? You made an obstacle course. I like it. What don’t you understand about that?”

      Max shook his head. “Knock it off, Isaac. Is that your way of bragging? Just say that you think you outdid yourself in making that course.”

      Isaac felt his mouth open to speak, but it took a few moments for words to form and work their way out. “Max. Seriously. I didn’t make the obstacle course. I assumed you did.” When Max said nothing, Isaac continued, “I didn’t make that, Max. Don’t you think I’d remember doing it?”

      Max shook his head. “Whatever, Isaac. I’m telling you, you made the course. Hold on.” He jogged away. Isaac remained rooted to the spot and narrowed his eyes as he studied the yard. He swore he hadn’t built that course, but if he hadn’t built it, what had he been doing all of this time? He glanced around. He didn’t remember inflating or tying or placing the balloons. He didn’t remember setting up the tables and tablecloths for the art activities. He didn’t remember stringing up the piñata. He didn’t remember arranging the patio furniture for cake time. And he still didn’t remember making the damn obstacle course. What the hell had he been doing?

      When Max returned with Reese’s phone, he immediately touched the screen and handed the phone to Isaac. “Look, man. Your wife took pictures of you making it. Here’s some of Dominic helping.” Max continued to swipe through the pictures. “And here’s a selfie she took of the two of you. You put the hula hoop around both of your heads. See? You may not be wearing your glasses, but that’s clearly you.” Isaac took the phone. He scrolled slowly through the images. The pictures clearly provided the undisputable evidence, but for the life of him, he couldn’t remember building the course or taking the selfie picture with Reese. He felt what must be the physical manifestations of shocked bewilderment: lightheadedness and nausea. Why didn’t he remember? He hated it when this happened. Although things like this had happened frequently throughout his life, he never grew accustomed to them, and they always frightened him. This was a perfect example of his badness. He couldn’t let Max know that he truly didn’t remember. God, what if he said something to Reese? No.

      Isaac faked a grin as he punched Max in the shoulder. “Gotcha. Of course I built it. I was just messing with you.” With relief, he saw Dominic run to greet a friend. He nodded in their direction. “Looks like the party’s starting. Let’s go.” He glanced sideways at Max as they walked toward the patio, which served as the party hub. Thankfully, Max had dropped the subject of Isaac’s bizarre claim that he didn’t build the obstacle course.

      From the moment they reached the patio, Isaac had no time to ruminate over his memory lapse or the fact that Max had caught him in one of his states of unknowing. Preschoolers poured into the yard, Dominic yanked on Isaac’s shirt, and they were all off and running. Isaac supervised the chaos and attempted to help the lot of preschoolers through the obstacle course he still couldn’t remember creating. Ten four- and five-year-olds squealed and clamored over each other as they pushed and shoved their way along the course. “Hey! Slow down! One at a time. Everyone will get a turn. Just wait. Whoa!”

      He spun around at the sound of laughter behind him. “This is funny to you, is it?”

      “Yes.” Reese slipped her arm around Isaac’s waist when she reached his side.

      “I’m glad I can be a source of amusement to you.” He looked over his shoulder to redirect three fast-moving preschoolers. “You guys are going the wrong way! You’re supposed to start there,” he pointed to the far corner of the yard, “and then go through there first before you come over here.” He watched them continue to run in the same direction. “No!” Exasperated, he turned back to his wife. “This is out of control. How did I let this get out of hand in less than fifteen minutes?”

      Reese reached up and ruffled his hair. “You didn’t ‘let’ it get out of control. This is in perfect control for a bunch of preschoolers at a party. That’s why we have different activities, remember? I’ll take half of them and make pet rocks. You play with the other half on the obstacle course. Sound good?”

      “Sounds very good. You’re incredible, Reese.”

      She laughed. “Don’t forget it.”

      “Never!” Isaac leaned in and gave his wife a quick peck on the cheek before she led her rascals off to create critters. Then he turned to a more-manageable group of tots and got them going the right direction through the obstacles. Somehow Dominic managed to turn him into a troll that chased the “billy goats” through the forest. Endless peals of laughter told Isaac that this was a fun thing to do. Isaac himself wasn’t so sure. It made him feel a bit ill, actually. Even though in theory it should be the kids who were afraid, it was Isaac who felt the fear. Monsters chasing children were far from amusing, and the thought of him being one, even in pretend play, made his heart pound and his forehead bead with sweat. It was just a game, but he didn’t want to play it. Eventually, he caught Max’s attention and flagged him down.

      “Need a hand over here?”

      “Just a break. I saw you feeding Elise. Are you done? Where is she?” He looked across the yard at the rock-painting area. “Gretchen doesn’t have her.”

      “Your mom has her.” Max nodded toward the patio. He answered Isaac’s unasked question, “She arrived just after Dominic dragged you out here.”

      “Daddy! Why’d you stop being the troll? Be the troll again!” Dominic’s demand was born out of excitement rather than impatience. Isaac studied him, took in his big grin that revealed a mouth full of baby teeth, four of which Dominic erroneously insisted were loose; his sand-bespeckled shirt; and his dirty knees. Dominic wasn’t a baby anymore. He wasn’t a toddler. He wasn’t even really a preschooler anymore. He was becoming a big kid. How did he become five years old?

      “Daddy! Come be our troll!”

      As if planned, the rest of the group began to chant, “Be our troll! Be our troll! Be our troll!”

      Exhaustion hit. Perhaps he shouldn’t have played tennis so intensely so early in the morning. He didn’t want to be the troll. The last thing he wanted to do was run around being an ugly monster chasing his son and his friends. But he didn’t want to let Dominic down.

      Max cut in before Isaac had a chance to answer Dominic. “I think your dad needs a little break.”

      “No!”