Madly in Love with ME. Christine Arylo

good news: You can only go up from here! And the more honest you are now, the less likely you will be to judge yourself later. Being where you are, and being okay with that, is an act of self-love. In fact, just think of this as taking a quick pulse check of your love for yourself.

      Which of the following best describes your current relationship to self-love and your ability to choose love for yourself?

      1 — Sure, I choose self-love; what is self-love again? Honestly, up until now or very recently, I hadn’t ever considered that loving myself would be a good idea, or that love was something that I had to choose for, and give to, myself. So I probably haven’t been the best friend to myself. I’ve mostly been going through my life doing the best I could, unaware that my relationship with myself affects everything else around me. I feel like I am just waking up to the idea that I am having a relationship with myself. I am open to it, though, and ready to explore this. I like the idea of being a best friend to myself.

      2 — I choose self-love but not very often. I have a hard time directing love instead of hate, shame, guilt, judgment, and doubt toward myself. I want to be a better friend to myself and make choices that lead to my taking care of myself, believing in myself, and being kinder to myself, but I am not sure exactly how to do that. I haven’t yet really made a commitment to loving myself, which I suppose is why I can’t seem to follow through for myself in ways that a best friend would. I don’t have a strong line of communication with myself, although there have been times I have listened to an inner voice, and the results have been good. I am ready to listen more. I am ready to be, love, and live me more. I just don’t know the way.

      3 — I choose self-love sometimes. I want to choose self-love over selfneglect, self-judgment, self-hate, and self-doubt, but I am still learning — I mean remembering — how to do this. Honestly, I am so-so at making the choices for myself that a best friend would. And the truth is that I am hard on myself. But I have made a commitment to myself to create a better relationship with me, to make choices that are good for me, to consider changing relationships that are not loving and respectful, and to stop being so hard on myself. I am beginning to check in more with myself, to trust myself, and to listen for what I need. So I’m on my way. It’s as if I’m on self-love training wheels.

      4 — I choose self-love often. I do a really good job at showing up as a best friend for myself, although sometimes I am hard on myself or have trouble giving myself what I really need. But I am pretty good at noticing when self-judgment or self-neglect creep in, and I can get myself back to unconditional love and respect fairly quickly. I’ve established an open line of communication with myself. And while sometimes I may struggle to be kind to myself or take care of myself, what I can proudly say is that I have taken a solid stand to ensure that all of my relationships with others are based on love and respect, or I drop or transform them. And I really do love myself in many ways! I love who I am, and I love sharing her with the world. And every day I become freer to do so.

      5 — I choose self-love always. I am my own best friend. I am always on my side. Unconditional love and respect is my come-from, and I expect and require it from every person in my life, which is probably why I have so many loving, spectacular relationships with others too. While I am certainly not perfect at always choosing self-love (that’s an unrealistic expectation), I rarely have negative thoughts about myself. When I do, I know exactly how to listen to what’s going on inside so I can take care of myself. I see these thoughts as indicators that I need to listen more closely to myself. I ask myself what I need, almost on a daily basis, and I make sure I receive it on all levels — physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual. I am committed to making sure that my life is full of happiness and love, and that I give my full self to the world, and in return am open to receiving tons of love and joy. I am actively creating that reality for myself.

      My Current Self-Love Pulse ——

      Note: You may also fall somewhere in between these five levels, which is totally okay. In that case, your self-love pulse might be 2.75 or 3.5 or whatever number feels right. This score is just an indicator of your self-love pulse right now — a quick mini-check-in to see how much consistent, unconditional love you’re giving to yourself. There will be time for more extensive pulse checks, and I’ll discuss ways to raise your selflove pulse as we go on. This book is full of ways to increase your power to choose love for yourself in any situation you face.

      What Is Self-Love?

      In our culture, there are a lot of words other than self-love that people are much more comfortable using, words that many people mistakenly believe mean the same as self-love, such as the following:

      Self-acceptance

      Self-acknowledgment

      Self-appreciation

      Self-awareness

      Self-care

      Self-compassion

      Self-confidence

      Self-empowerment

      Self-esteem

      Self-expression

      Self-forgiveness

      Self-honesty

      Self-honor

      Self-pleasure

      Self-respect

      Self-trust

      Self-worth

      While all the ideas expressed by these words are components of selflove, none alone is a synonym for self-love. Love is a specific, unparalleled, and all-powerful vibration. And none of these words on its own has the power, depth, or vastness to communicate or transmit the life force that the word love can and does. But put them together, and wow!

      Each of these aspects of self-love relates to and supports the others, just as a tree’s branches rely on each other to grow, be healthy, and keep the tree balanced and strong. When you practice self-care, you increase your self-compassion. When you build your self-awareness, you increase your self-esteem. When you improve your self-esteem, you more fully feel your self-worth. When you practice self-trust, you base decisions on self-respect. When you take actions that reflect a deep self-respect, you honor yourself. When you express yourself fully, you increase your self-pleasure. And when you exude self-compassion, you create selfacceptance. Each branch supports the other branches, and as one grows, so do the others.

      So how does self-love fit into this? Self-love is the tree itself. Self-love is the whole; it encompasses all of these sacred and loving qualities and actions, which is why it is the most powerful of them all.

      

      To really love yourself and have the ability to choose love in your daily actions, decisions, and thoughts over the course of your lifetime, all ten branches of self-love must be taken care of, acknowledged, and grown. Stop for a moment and take a look at each of these ten branches, reading the words written on them out loud or to yourself. Notice that each branch comes from the shared trunk, where they all connect at the heart, signifying your connection to love, both self-love and the “big love” — you know, love from the universe, the divine, spirit, or whatever you call that source.

      You’ll also notice that some of the branches include multiple aspects of self-love. For example, self-respect and self-honor are part of the same branch, just as self-compassion and self-forgiveness share a branch. This is because they are so similar that to differentiate between them would be less powerful than marrying them together to create one superstrong branch. You know how, on some trees, some branches never quite grow thick and strong but remain twigs or branches that couldn’t support you? Well, you don’t want branches like that on your self-love tree — no way! So I’ve married the elements of self-love together when appropriate to form a profound, superstrong union of self-love, giving you even more support and strength as you grow your love for yourself.

      Every one of your branches must be tended to