Hell and paradise. Марина Кужман

proposed to go to a striptease place where his acquaintance, a girl from Czechoslovakia, was working. She was very young and very beautiful and lovely, and we became friends right way.

      “I am stupid. I am stupid that I work in this dirty place,” she said, “but what to do? We don’t have legal documents for work, and our choice is limited and here with good pay.”

      Steve said that when he saw her, all his thoughts lightened up, and she was wonderful, really. And also he said that a lot of men hide other women from the woman they love, but he is different, and he doesn’t want to hide anything from me. I accepted and understood his view. We already said goodbye to each other, and he had collected his briefcase and was going to go by train to Long Island. We embraced and kissed. I did not follow him and look after him. I turned back on him and began to look at the fountain as the water fell. It was very sad. I thought that I knew his whole life and was saying goodbye for an eternity. Suddenly, I heard his footsteps. He came back. He changed his mind. He will go later; it was too sad to leave me. He suggested to go to a Russian restaurant that was nearby called Samovar. It was not too late, and there were not much visitors. The restaurant seemed huge for me. We sat at a table. The waiter brought the menu. I looked at the prices, and they were not cheap at all. I had no idea about Steve’s financial condition, and because he was not a businessman but a musician, I doubted his solvency. I had $100. I told him about it. He smiled. “Don’t worry,” and began to order.

      In the distance, there was a white grand piano. A pianist came and played. He played wonderfully. When we left the restaurant, Steve gave him $10. We went again to walk on Broadway. There were shows with different sexual times. Cravings from one of the little windows, an African woman showed a full chest. We took turns kissing her like people kissed a cross in the church. It was late evening.

      We went to dinner again at some expensive American restaurant. By night, we were so drunk. I just wandered. We hardly got home, which was two steps away, and taking a taxi was not advisable in the New York traffic, which can stand for hours. Steven eventually went to Long Island two days later.

      This meeting completely pulled out of routine my life before. I became absolutely different. I was looking in the mirror and did not recognize myself. Who is this extraordinarily beautiful, shining, happy woman? I asked myself. Would I see him again? I have his phone number, but I don’t want to call first. My massage business continued, a man of about forty years, an art professional, came to have a massage in my place. He invited me to take a walk in Central

      Park. Then we went to the Metropolitan Museum, where the richest collection of paintings in America is. He asked whom I worked for in Russia. I modestly replayed: “I was an artist.”

      He said that he immediately noticed that I’m unusual and that even it is clear that I can communicate with people from a past life. I did not quite understand what he meant, but it flattered me. I went out with him from the Metropolitan Museum. I was really very fond of painting and everything beautiful, but that day, I felt so happy that everything seemed beautiful and not only recognized masterpieces.

      Happiness is a brilliant artist.

      I was just thinking about Steven every moment.

      It was at five or six in the evening, Monday or Tuesday. I came from another client, turned on the answering machine, and heard his excited voice. He called me several times. He really wanted to see me as soon as possible. The landlord told me that he called him also looking for me. He told Ivan that we are very close and he really needs to see me. I dialed a number and called. We agreed to meet at one of the nearest bars.

      At this time, the customer called. The sound of his voice was normal. But when I arrived, it turned out that he is a student who earns as a watchman in a commercial place. The official environment was strained. I felt scared. I wanted to quit and run to meet Steven. We were in the back of a huge room, and if there’s something wrong, I cannot jump out. I was angry. I did not even take the money forwarded as usual. Finally, everything was all right. But I was unhappy with myself. Although nothing terrible happened, the guy paid off and called the taxi held before the exit. I was annoyed that when I felt like a queen after meeting with Steve, I had to climb on some production premises.

      The bar was in the back of a huge restaurant. I came in and immediately saw his back from a far. Suddenly, maybe he felt that I was there, he turned around and looked at me with adore and it was all way, how I walked between tables, and I looked to his eyes at a distance too and all air between us was shining love’s energy. I sat down near him. He took my head turned to him and looked in my eyes very carefully. I know maybe he understood the stressful situation I came from recently; he noticed in my face, and he looked at me inquiringly. I looked to him too.

      “And what?” I said, answering his questioning look.

      “Nothing happened. Nothing bad,” I said.

      He continued to look at me. His eyes were like oxygen that make my stress go away, filling me with power, will, and confidence. I became myself, really me, and I saw how he was happy to see me. It was so clear that he loves me. I saw this. I understood that how I, for a few days, thought about him every minute, he thought about me too. One wish was between us – to see each other soon, how it is possible. I felt like happiness spread out everywhere from him, and this strong energy reached me, and after, between us, the field of happiness became stronger and bigger. We became the center of the bar. All heads turned and looked at us. I knew the picture was wonderful; not any movie can see what was between us in that moment. We went to other bar and then other, because very fast we became the centre of all attention, but we wanted solitude, and other way we wanted be between people, because we celebrated holiday in our sole. We listened to music. We talked. In short, we enjoyed each other. We went back to his apartment very later.

      In the morning, he went to his job; I went too. All that time, I felt so happy.

      I felt like meeting Steve approved all my casualties – that I left my country and my relatives. I felt like I found my fate and happiness possibly. All my relatives are alive and happy. My daughter is not with strangers, but with my parents, who are loving her unconditionally. Huge positive energy was in me and now I don’t want to go back to Russia and I’m just thinking how to take my daughter here. I felt so powerful, that I can decide on any problem. I don’t want to talk with Steve about his divorce. But when he started to talk about it and that his wife wants to take his house and money, I said, “Leave everything to her.” I thought that we are so rich – big love between us; it is more than multimillion dollars. I don’t change for any money and because love is God and I was full of this divine energy, everything is possible. We can decide on any problem, raise any business and get everything that we want and our happiness is so huge that we can make a lot of people happy. For a few times, we went to dinner and after we are listening to music, but Steve himself was like living music, and one time, when we were in the bar sitting close, he sang for me song. It was tender, like clouds enfolded me. I felt unearthly bliss, like an angel in the sky, and in the end, he said, “I will love you forever.””

      But his divorce dragged on. I don’t want to get involved in it. Even I think maybe he or she changed opinion, because they have two beautiful little daughters. I know I saw Steven very general and he just wants to leave for yourself a little bit to go through this stress. I want do everything fast and so that everybody will be satisfied. It was hard to see that he thinks about it a lot. It was damaging him, destroying his whole. But I cannot push him his privacy, and his will was very important for me. I tried to be patient, but I saw he needed space and we started to meet just sometimes. I missed him a lot. Very often I called just to hear his voice message. One day, Steve called me more early than usual. I came. He looked like he did not go to his job that day. He sat on the couch. I sat near him on the chair. We looked to each other. I know I can sit hours like this and look to him, like yogis do to meditate. We admired each other.

      “You know,” he