The Complete Plays of J. M. Barrie - 30 Titles in One Edition. Джеймс Барри

sits contrite in armchair, hands in pockets.)

      Nanny, if men would keep their hands in their pockets all day, the world’s affairs would be more easily managed. (GOES UP TO TABLE FOR MILK JUG, SUGAR BASIN, SPOONS, CUPS AND SAUCERS, READY ON TRAY.)

      NANNY. You limmer! (ANXIOUSLY) Dinna heed her, Mr. Dishart; she’s an English gipsy as you can tell by her tongue — and they ken no better.

      (babbie brings tray with cups.)

      Do you think the Minister is to drink out o’ my second best cups? (Takes away one cup and saucer from her.) They do fine for you and me, but I’ll let you see what he is to drink out o’.

      (Exit nanny, proudly, babbie goes to table and puts tray down. They look at each other, very selfconscious.

      babbie sits at wheel and sets it spinning, gavin rises and is about to speak when babbie starts up.)

      BABBIE (ANTICIPATING HIM). Woman, stand forward! (SHE IS CONTRITE.) Ah, don’t be angry. After all,! HAVE saved your weavers — (SKIPS ROUND HIM) — for no further action is to be taken against them, if they are good boys and girls in future. Do you know that?

      GAVIN. It has been officially announced. (ANXIOUSLY) But you are not included. (TRAGICALLY) Have you not heard that Lord Rintoul has issued a warrant for your apprehension?

      BABBIE. I know. Isn’t it a darling of a warrant!

      GAVIN. A what! Have you absolutely NO —

      BABBIE. No — absolutely.

      GAVIN (SIGHING). Babbie, why do you always make fun of me?

      BABBIE (STANDING BY WHEEL). Because — because you are such a boy.

      GAVIN. My congregation don’t think me a boy.

      BABBIE. They don’t know you so well as I do.

      GAVIN (SHYLY). Do you think you know me well?

      (She nods.) I wish I understood you. (SCRATCHING HEAD.)

      BABBIE. Don’t you?

      GAVIN. Sometimes I think I do — and then I don’t. (SIGHS.)

      The strange thing is that when you annoy me —

      BABBIE. Then you get so angry. Wow-wow!

      GAVIN. I pretend to be angry, but — yes, let the truth be told, I believe I like it all the time. (TURNS AWAY AS IF THIS WERE A TERRIBLE REVELATION.)

      (babbie looks at him unseen, rather fondly.)

      You say you know me, but you see you did not know that! (WHEELING ROUND WITH SUDDEN SUSPICION.) Or did you know it?

      BABBIE (sits again, faltering). I — I am not quite sure.

      (They hear nanny coming, babbie works the wheel. Enter nanny, carefully carrying a cup and saucer.)

      NANNY (coming to table). This is what Mr. Dishart is to drink out o’. (Puts it on table, puts armchair by table for gavin. She is very excited.) This is your chair, Mr. Dishart.

      (GAVIN SITS.)

      BABBIE. Shall I sit here?

      NANNY. Keep us a’! The lassie thinks her and me is to sit down wi’ the Minister!

      (babbie jumps up.)

      You ignorant crittur, we ‘re just to stand and serve him, and when he has risen, we’ll sit down.

      BABBIE. Delightful! Nanny, you pour out his tea, and I shall hold his plate. (Takes a plate in left hand and kneels.)

      GAVIN (rises, thundering). Sit down both — I command you!

      (They sit nanny, above the table, pours out tea babbie, affecting fear, nervously holds out plate for him to take a piece of scone. He smiles and is about to take a piece, but babbie draws back the plate. He frowns at her, then she gives it.)

      GAVIN (very severely). Thank you.

      (While this is going on, nanny pours out the tea. She hands gavin his cup and saucer; he takes it.)

      Thank you, Mrs. Webster. (THEN HE EATS A PIECE OF SCONE.)

      Your scones are delicious, Mrs. Webster.

      NANNY (OFF HER HEAD WITH DELIGHT). Eh — eh — you hear what he says! They are my own baking! He said ‘delicious.’ It was his very word!

      GAVIN. I am enjoying my tea immensely.

      NANNY. Oh, the glory!

      BABBY. He is here, Nanny! He is drinking tea with you and me!

      NANNY. Ay, and he might be drinking it in Rintoul Castle wi’ her little leddyship hersel’.

      BABBIE. No!

      NANNY. Umpha! (IMPORTANTLY) Him and Lord Rintoul is friends now.

      (BABBIE LOOKS AT GAVIN.)

      BABBIE. Friends?

      GAVIN (AWKWARDLY). The fact is — I have had a letter from Lord Rintoul, thanking me — for the help — I gave the soldiers, the other night!

      BABBIE. The help? Oh! I see!

      (HE CANNOT FACE HER.)

      NANNY (IMPRESSIVELY). AND inviting him to call at the castle!

      BABBIE. How kind!

      NANNY. The whole town is ringing with it.

      GAVIN (DRAWING A LONG FACE). He — he is most cordial. I am visiting almost daily on the estate just now, because two of my congregation, who are tenants there, are ill. And Lord Rintoul has requested his daughter to meet me at these houses and to assist me in my work in whatever way I think best.

      BABBIE. This is in return for your — help on the night of the riot?

      GAVIN. Y — y — yes. (STIRS HIS TEA VERY QUICKLY.)

      BABBIE. What is — what is her little leddyship like?

      NANNY. Ay, what is she like, sir?

      GAVIN. I don’t know — she has never come near me. (DRINKS HIS TEA.)

      BABBIE. Disobeying her father. The naughty!

      GAVIN. She visits these poor people and, to do her justice, is very kind to them, but she seems to avoid going near them when I am there.

      NANNY. The impidence!

      GAVIN (SMILING LIKE AN OLD CACKLING WIFE). She has more important people to be nice to, Mrs. Webster. I have heard that she and Captain Halliwell — (He nods his head in a gossipy way.)

      NANNY (nodding also and drinking in the gossip). Oh, ho! ho! Oh, ho! ho!

      BABBIE. Oh, ho! ho! (NODDING.)

      (THEY ARE PUTTING HEADS OVER TABLE AS THEY CACKLE.)

      GAVIN. But she lives chiefly in England and has never even been in Thrums; so how can we expect her to have an interest in its minister? (LEANS BACK IN CHAIR.)

      BABBIE. Oh, no!

      NANNY. I have heard a droll thing about her.

      (They become gossipy over table again.)

      They say she has a French servant woman that has nothing to do except wait on HER alone!

      BABBIE (INCREDULOUS). No!

      — GAVIN (WITH A MAN-OF-THE-WORLD AIR). It is quite possible. They are called lady’s-maids.

      BABBIE. What a lot you know, sir!

      NANNY (GURGLING WITH LAUGHTER). It’s said — that she dresses her leddyship — and undresses her — like an infant — and brushes her hair! I’ve even heard she washes her! (BIG LAUGH.)

      (BABBIE JOINS IN NANNY’S