The Complete Plays of J. M. Barrie - 30 Titles in One Edition. Джеймс Барри

though he is only a man of letters.

      GEORGE: My careful little wife.

      TIA: O how dense he is (rises) George, I, I am going away.

      GEORGE: Do dear — you had better lie down for a little.

      TIA: I mean — I mean not to come back.

      GEORGE: You mean to your Grandpapa’s, Tia! But you know he and Grandmama are coming to us. I say Tia, how glad they will be to see you and me so happy together.

      TIA: Happy! George do you love me as much as you loved Hedda Gabler?

      GEORGE: Yes, I think so. Neither Hedda, nor you have ever given me a moments uneasiness — Simple souls both.

      TIA (aside): This kindness kills me. George I think I shall write you a letter.

      GEORGE: Do Tia.

      TIA: You must think it strange George that I should write you a letter?

      GEORGE: Oh, no Tia. But I say may I show it to my aunt Juliannia?

      TIA: After I am gone George.

      GEORGE: Yes, yes. Will you write it now, Hedda. I mean Tia.

      TIA (in couch R.): Now, ay now. The sooner the better.

      GEORGE: Let me bring you your writing case Dear — There I have not spilt the ink — Really I haven’t Tia. (Tia writes in wild haste)

      GEORGE: How beautiful you are Hedda — Tia. Do you know Judge Brack told me yesterday that he envied me my pretty little wife. Just think of that.

      TIA: An envelope.

      GEORGE: Tia, listen to this. I have been so lucky in my wives that I think I must be a good fellow after all.

      TIA: I wonder whom your next wife will be.

      GEORGE: I wonder Tia, and oh I say —

      TIA: A stamp.

      GEORGE (gives stamp): How pretty you —

      TIA (reads): ‘George Tesman, Esq.’ There now put on your hat George, and take this to the post at once —

      GEORGE: Just think of that now — Tia this new proof of your affection for me goes to my heart, and I must tell your grandpapa and grandmama about it. The moment they arrive. How good of them Tia, to offer to come to us for six months.

      TIA (aside): I cannot remain here to face simple innocent grandmama. Had I not best tell George all here this instant. George, I have not been a good wife to you.

      GEORGE: As good as Hedda Gabler herself, dear — Remember what I told you Judge Brack said.

      TIA (wildly): Judge Brack! George, Judge Brack kissed me last night.

      GEORGE: Fancy that now Tia. (Exit L.)

      TIA (pacing room): How unsuspicious these young men of letters are. I wonder if they are all like that. Oh, but in an hour that letter will be delivered, and then George will know all, he will know why I am going away from him for ever (Gets black bag) It was just like this that I left my last husband Elvested, a black bag in my hand, and on my shoulders this little black jacket, if Jacket it can be called. To steal away from my second husband precisely as I stole away from my first, it feels quite — quite like old times, (is going when Bell rings) Grandpapa and grandmama would that I had gone before they came. They are so old-fashioned that they will think it wrong of me to desert my home.

      (Enter Peter L. with rugs etc. )

      TIA: Grandpapa! (Both down C. Peter makes strange faces, gestures, etc. ) Are you not well grandpapa?

      PETER (whispers): Can’t you follow me? It is so simple that a child could make it out. I was saying Tia, Grandmama and I are so proud that you have at last got a husband to suit you.

      TIA: Husband? Ah you mean George — You have been at L’Enfant Prodigue? (Peter signs yes elaborately — ) That means Yes! How much easier it is than talking! But why has dear, simple, homely, humdrum, domesticated Grandmama not come with you (Peter gesticulates) She is cleaning windows? (Peter repeats) Influenza? (Peter repeats) She is standing for the County Council? (Peter repeats) Kangaroos?

      PETER (whispers): You are sure you follow me?

      TIA: Yes, but —

      PETER: Then I’ll tell you what it means. Your Grandmama went away from L’Enfant Prodigue in the middle of the first act, because she declared she couldn’t hear a word they said.

      TIA: But she has not come here?

      PETER: No, she went to another play, called The Doll’s House.

      A childish piece I should think from the title. She will be here directly, (sees letters at fire). But Tia — what have you been doing here? Burning George’s manuscripts. Ah, a good wife, a good wife.

      TIA (aside): Why should I not tell Grandpapa all? I will! Grandpapa, these are George’s letters to me that I am burning, and oh it breaks my heart, for I look upon each of them as a little child, George’s children and mine. There are a hundred and twenty-seven.

      PETER: Tia Tesman!

      TIA: Soon to be Tesman no longer. Grandpapa I am leaving George.

      PETER: Leaving him, what has he done?

      TIA: Nothing. It is I who am unworthy of him, Grandpapa. I was at the Leybourne’s dance last night and Judge Brack and I went into the conservatory, and he kissed me —

      PETER (shakes and falls on sofa R.): Ghosts, ghosts! Is my 40 years’ secret, at last to be discovered? I — I cannot see Tia, that you are to be held responsible for Judge Brack’s misbehaviour.

      TIA: I let him do it — I wanted him to do it; and that is not all, for Parson Greig kissed me on Tuesday, and Henrik Borsam on Wednesday and Baron Kleig on Thursday, and I am going mad, mad! mad! (falls on sofa)

      PETER: Ghosts! So the bolt falls. For nearly 40 years, have I kept my crime to myself and now it must out, it must out — Tia — I — ah — men don’t do these things.

      TIA (starting up): They do, they do, and oh grandpapa — I like it.

      PETER: Ghosts.

      TIA: And so grandpapa I must leave George. Oh grandpapa, you who have lived a blameless life — Do not, cannot understand how unworthy I am of George. It is idle to tell me to be more careful. It is in my blood. (Peter jumps) and I know — I feel that as I have been in the past so shall I be in the future. I cannot look upon a man without wanting him to kiss me, and he reads my thoughts and does it. Oh Grandpapa, how can men read a woman’s thoughts so well, (aside) so well, that is your cue —

      PETER (aside): No, ‘other women’ is my cue. I am using Gosse’s version you know.

      TIA: I am using Archer’s. Say something.

      PETER: All right. Ghosts.

      TIA: Grandpapa, you who are so wise and good, tell me why I experience this overpowering desire to be kissed? It seethes through my being. It is a wild uncontrollable passion, that I cannot master. Why, oh why am I so different from other women?

      PETER: ‘Other women’. Ghosts.

      TIA: George wonders why he cannot keep a secretary for more than one day. It is because my kisses frighten them — grandpapa they run from me. (Secretary enters C.) Ha! See! (Tia runs after him, he dodges her round table C. she catches him, he kisses her and Exits L.) Grandpapa, tell me, oh tell me why I did it.

      PETER: How — how should I know? (sinks in chair L. )

      TIA: You do know. I can see it in your face —

      PETER: Ghosts, she sees them in my face — and I thought I had kept them hidden inside — inside (aloud) So be it. Let the bolt fall — Tia I will tell you all, but first, the brandy, quick the brandy. (Tia gives glass of brandy, he drinks, mutters Ghosts) Tia what I am about to tell you I have kept to myself for almost