SOVIET MUTANTS. Funny fantasy. СтаВл Зосимов Премудрословски

time ago there was a coup in the Great Hole (now: Galupii) and for a while the rule was taken by a certain Cherevich Chmor Iko, then a prosperous young shard. But the detachment of General Zasratich in an unequal struggle seized the throne from Botva Cherevich and returned the monarchy, putting the rightful Vladyka in place. In battle, he lost the ability to work the fourth bone, having beaten off part of the crock. He just stumbled and broke off a part of himself. But for this he was even more frightened and still feared, especially Semisrak, why he called him to him. But the fighters idolized him.

      – — Ohhh, well done, Zasratich!!! I appreciate and praise combat speed and disciplinary loyalty. So: take ten more fighters with you, the worst and lead a business trip.

      – — But what about Cherevich Chmoriko? Did you appoint him chief?

      – — Ahhh.. to me.. – Vladyka hesitated. – And then I have not chosen you yet.. And then, you are not small, you have to decide who will lead the business trip… Hmmm… Moreover, you will be there alone, without me and Galupia. Do you want to take his place and become the main character?

      – — Yes, my Lord!!

      – — So go ahead, and if you don’t find the ten most volunteer fighters, I will order the rest of your oils to knock you on the head and make a whipping ball out of it. And five times later, if I didn’t see you, your spirit wouldn’t be there. Time is running out: time, time, time, time … – why time? they simply didn’t come up with the name of the numbers. Everything is ahead, like stone people. And the general shuddered and instantly fled to the mission, and after him his ten survivors after the coup, soldiers.

      Vladyka watched him go.

      – — Mdaaaa, until you yell, they won’t do it… They completely unbelted. – he went down the hall and yelled.

      – — Bring Kazulia Vasya to me, the Lord wants to shout!!!

      At the behest of the Generalisyphilis, the people simply threw out volunteers out among: ten shards-fighters led by General Zasrat Zasratich, Cherevich Chmor Iko Top Wow and Kazuliya Zeka Lee. Seeing off was accompanied by a choral folk vocalist, similar to the “farewell of the Slav”. It’s not known who plagiarized this melody: Galups or Slavs, only they called it “farewell to Kazuli” and mimicked the parts of orchestral instruments by the popular Galupsky, and capell, the local State Choir tap dance and tap dance, under the direction of the same Semisrak, who beat mezzo-soprano and double bass at the same time. In general, some sang, so to speak, while others closed up the hole. And business travelers tried to climb back, such volunteers, but they were thrown out and when the last gap was sealed up, then all the members of the business trip immediately forgot the place from which they were escorted, all the more they were in complete silence and twilight sunset. Night fell and the moon and stars appeared in the sky. The team was not aware of the environment and the fear gradually disappeared as it was seen around. Beauty is not like in these holes. And why didn’t they immediately agree? Mdddddaaaa!!! Beauty!!! At least they would be glad, but the charge made itself felt, more precisely, to say in human terms: the gut ached and hummed. And the food energy came to them through the micropores of the shards, where it was absorbed, preventing the bones from drying out, like lubricating oil. But everything happened so quickly that the team members did not even eat and did not take irradiated pellets with them for Kazuli before leaving Galupia. The pleasure of surrounding beauty gradually again grew into a gloomily evil state. And the oil compounds began to crackle.

      – — Che will eat? – Cherevich Chmoreko could not stand it.

      – — You are the main, you and think about how to feed the tops. – answered with a grin General Zasratich.

      – — And what is your task? – with malice, snickering and getting fat on the official grub, Cherevich. After all, they each had two of their personal Kazul, and then one for all. – My job is to think, and your snooping and scouring without a word for it, so that I will not be distracted. Cherepuk looked sternly at Cherevich and barked.

      – — Our task is to protect your ass-mug!!

      – — And feed … – Cherevich lifted up a crock and looked haughtily from high.

      General Shrovet said nothing, turned to the shards and ordered:

      – — Determine yourself!!!! – that is, build. All the shards instantly lined up in one line waiting for the team.

      – — So, fighters!! – Cherepuk examined the shards of his subordinates, peering separately, hoping to find something against the statutory, but to no avail.

      – — My children!!! Go fathers and seek!!!! Quickly!!! OOOOTOTSTOOOY!!!!

      – — And what to look for, son? – asked one of the fighters. Let me explain that the “son” is an appeal to the elder, and the “father” – to the younger or subordinate.

      – — I’m not your son, Chmyr. I am your general!! – Zasratich was indignant, he was conservative and used to it in the old fashioned way, in rank and in office, otherwise discipline is worthless. – understandably?

      – — Yes, son!!! – the fighters answered in unison. They were so taught in a new way, and they did not understand what the general was talking about.

      – — Oboltus … – spat Zasratich and glanced at the fellows. Not the generation that was before, he thought. – And what to look for is ask Cherevich. – and with a grin cast a glance at Mr. Chmor Iko.

      – — Have you forgotten, rotten oils, that I – I’m Rev.?! For disobedience you will be deprived of food!! Have you heard everything?

      – — Whose mouth is the fart, it’s you reverend in the Burrow, and here you are the ordinary FOOMOO!! the general shouted and stomped with oils. – Are you still here? he snarled at the fighters, who instantly escaped into the darkness. Cherevich pouted with anger like a soap bubble, but abstained and said nothing.

      – — Do not quarrel you. – reassured them Casulia. – We can’t quarrel. We are all in the same shit. Let’s play with something better? Sit in a circle…

      The fighters all ran through the grass; stumbled, fell, rose quickly and even, feeling tired, did not dare to slow down. Order – there is an order.

      – — And how long will we run? asked the first, gasping for the second.

      – — Uh.., uh.., uh.. hold uh breath. – answered the neighbor, tripped over something and rolled head over heels. A third, fifth, and tenth stumbled over him and also lost their balance and fell. The rest ran away.

      – — Hey idiots, wait!! – shouted the first, but: the fourth, sixth, seventh, eighth and ninth they did not hear and hid in the dark. – here are the rams…

      – — And who are these – rams? the fifth asked, leveling the leg bone. She twisted his knee down.

      – -I do not know. – answered the second and with difficulty pulled his leg-bone out of the tenth skull. The density of the shards was not apparently as strong as steel, and therefore, with a good impact, the skull could not crack, but absorb a sharper object, as in this case.

      – -What we are going to do? – asked the first. – run on?

      – — With crippled oils?! Nooo. You need to come to your senses and relax. – suggested the third one and threw the broken-off bone deep into the grass.

      – — Ay! – someone shouted in the dark. The shards were alert.

      – — Who shouted it? – whispered the second one.

      – -Not me?! – surprised the first.

      – — And not me. – repeated the fifth.

      – — And I’m generally deaf and dumb. –