Self Esteem Bible: Build Your Confidence Day by Day. Gael Lindenfield

These emotional responses are shaped by our genes and early childhood experiences. They are often very inappropriate responses to the kind of stressful situations we meet in adulthood. We need to be aware of these automatic emotional reactions so that we can control them before acting on them. Identify the feelings you experience most commonly when you first become stressed. Here are some examples of emotional response to stress:

      irritability

      over-excitability

      apathy

      tearfulness

      uncontrollable worrying

      anxiety attacks

      decrease in confidence

      increase in obsessions or phobias

      palpitations

      feelings of being overwhelmed or confused

      a feeling of powerlessness

      a feeling of watching the world from the outside

      loss of trust in people

       23 Cut down rather than cut out during times of pressure

      Rather than imposing a punishing total ban on de-energizing foods and drinks, cut them down and strictly limit your intake to certain periods of the day. While you are working, take nutritious snacks rather than big meals.

       24 Don’t sit still for more than an hour

      Your body was not designed to be chair-bound. It will tell you so with backache and headaches. So if you are working at a desk, take regular short breaks in which you physically release your tension by stretching, walking around or, better still, running up and down stairs a couple of times.

       25 Respect your own biorhythms

      You probably already know whether you are a ‘morning’ or ‘evening’ person. But our body’s energy levels dip up and down in a fairly regular individual pattern throughout the day. Observe yours and use your cycles to your best advantage. Keep your creative tasks for times when you have most energy, and your household chores or administrative tasks for other times.

      For example, I have a low period mid-morning, so that’s when I do some easy admin work. To cope with my afternoon low period, I arrange my life so that short siestas are usually possible.

       26 Go easy on yourself in times of change

      Remember only certain changes can be as good as a rest; most are extremely high on energy consumption and you will need to make a big allowance for this fact.

       27 Avoid overdosing on media models of perfection

      You can easily set yourself up to feel inadequate, even if your head knows that you are really OK. For example, if you are trying to lose a mere half stone, don’t keep buying magazines in which the models are all a few stone lighter than you need to be. Don’t gaze too long at photos of glamorous celebrities with unlimited incomes just before you go shopping with a restricted but adequate budget.

       28 Find quick-fix relaxation techniques that work for you

      Try one of my favourites tricks. Lie down with your eyes shielded (or sit in a supported tension-free position with your eyes closed). Take three deep slow breaths and count backwards from 50. As soon as your mind begins to wander, return to 50 until you reach the number one without stopping. Bring a calming image into your mind’s eye (for example, a landscape scene, animal or person) and just focus on it for another minute.

       29 Rebalance your energy levels regularly

      Make a habit of balancing states of over-tiredness with extra rest as soon as you possibly can.

       30 Build your inner strength

      Join a class such as Pilates or Alexander Technique. These concentrate on strengthening the internal muscles that support your back. You will find that you are ‘walking tall’ without having to think about it.

       31 Watch yourself in supermarkets

      Supermarkets are notorious for ‘helping’ us buy what we don’t need or even want. Don’t risk feeling stupid about having bought too much or finding your trolley full of foods you shouldn’t eat. Before entering the store, make a list and stick to it firmly. Order your list to fit in with the store’s lay-out (for instance, if vegetables are in the first aisle, place them at the top of the list). This will stop you wandering all over the shop and coming across more temptation. Setting yourself a time limit in the store can also help. If you must, allow yourself a certain amount of money for spontaneous purchases.

       32 Give yourself a health warning when you get irritated

      Some injustices are undoubtedly worth getting furious over, but the majority of life’s minor frustrations are not. This may be true even when we think we have good cause to feel annoyed.

      One very sound reason for not staying angry is that it can damage you. If you need a quick way to wind down and encourage yourself to forgive or forget, just remind yourself that the build-up of tension produced by anger can:

      

cause or exacerbate digestive disorders;

      

create hypertension;

      

raise our cholesterol levels;

      

damage and block our arteries;

      

aggravate heart disease;

      

exacerbate bowel disorders such as colitis;

      

increase our susceptibility to infection;

      

intensify pain;

      

create headaches and exacerbate sinus conditions;