Emotional Confidence: Simple Steps to Build Your Confidence. Gael Lindenfield

amount of emotional confidence.

Our temperament influences our goals	Sophie is an optimist by nature so she sets herself a challenging New Year goal – to find the love of her life
Our goals affect our well-being; our temperament affects the actions we take to achieve these goals	She sets about energetically achieving her goal because she believes she will succeed and is confident that she can handle any disappointments she may meet en route
Our emotions are triggered by events which affect our well-being	Sophie feels happy when she meets someone who invites her to a party where she might achieve her goal
A series of the same emotions affects our moods	She is in a good mood because many good things have happened (over the course of the day) which have helped her to feel continuously happy (she achieved her target at work; the sun shone; she had a wonderfully tasty lunch and she heard the news that 105 bachelors had been invited to the party!)
Our mood influences the way we notice events which affect our well-being	Because she is in a good mood, Sophie doesn’t notice the rain and howling wind on the way to the party
Our biochemistry makes us susceptible to emotions which relate to our current mood	She is in an exceptionally good mood because she believes that she stands a fair chance of imminently achieving her goal; so instead of getting depressed about all the gorgeous competition around her, she feels calm and confident – when a stunning guy beams at her from across the crowded room
We are more likely to sustain an emotional response when we are in a mood which is in harmony with the emotion we are feeling	Sophie now feels a trickle of energizing excitement infiltrating her happy, calm mood. As an optimist who thrives on challenging goals, and totally confident that she can manage any amount of passion, she begins to …!

      Instant Exercise

      Note down a goal which you have achieved or would like to achieve. Think of the role your own temperament and moods have had, or could have, on the realization of that goal.

       DOES EACH EMOTION HAVE ITS OWN NEUROLOGICAL RESPONSE?

      The short answer appears to be that we don’t know. The only significant information I have gleaned from the research done so far seems to me to be glaringly obvious:

      – negative emotions (such as anger and fear) arouse automatic nervous responses by pumping extra adrenalin into our system

      – positive emotions (such as happiness and contentment) seem to do the opposite.

      The latter can ‘undo’ the physiological changes produced by the former, and bring the body back to a position of stable homoeostasis.

       WHAT ROLE DOES ‘NURTURE’ PLAY IN SHAPING OUR EMOTIONAL RESPONSES?

      Once again we are in a difficult area if we are searching for proven facts and scientific laws. There is still much disagreement, between both psychologists themselves and between psychologists and other experts in this field. From my own practical involvement I am firmly convinced that the impact of our life experiences (i.e. ‘nurture’) does have a very great bearing on our emotional selves.

      There are four main areas where nurture seems to play a significant part in shaping our emotional experiences:

       1. Nurture Helps Set the Threshold Point at Which Emotions Are Habitually Aroused

      For example:

      – how many times you need to be let down before you will tend to feel despair

      – how loud someone has to shout to make you feel frightened – how little needs to be happening before you will usually begin to feel bored.

      As noted already, our individual threshold points will in part be fixed by our biological and genetic make-up but, as we know already, our emotional responses are also heavily influenced by the personal meaning we give to the triggers which send the signals to our brain.

      So although some of our judgements concerning what is good or bad for our well-being are instinctively made (most animals will immediately feel fear when they are physically attacked), the vast majority have been formed by our life experiences.

      To illustrate this factor let’s look at the reactions of two people from different countries to a rainy day. As an English person I might not even notice the weather until the afternoon; then I might shrug my shoulders and feel mildly disappointed. On the other hand, one of my friends from the parched land of southern Spain might instantly become excited and feel constant pleasure throughout the day as his ears pick up the sound of raindrops.

      The point at which emotion is triggered in each of us by the rain would be determined partly by our cultural temperaments but partly by the significance we have learned from our experience of life to attribute to rainy days according to their potential impact on our well-being.

      There is yet another factor which can have a bearing on our emotional threshold: the sense of personal power we have regarding the rainy day. Let’s imagine the rain was preventing us both from doing something special which we had planned for the day. I might feel instantly frustrated by my powerlessness against the elements. My friend’s response might be to stay calm and pray for sunshine. Because he has been taught to believe that he can do something about changing the weather, his threshold for emotional arousal on this occasion would be much lower than mine.

      Instant Exercise

      Think of another example. Recall (or imagine) a time when you have been working with a friend or colleague from a different cultural background and your progress towards a certain goal has been blocked. Note the different points at which your feelings were aroused.

       2. Nurture Defines What We Expect from Emotions

      Our expectations about what emotions can or cannot do must primarily be learned by our experience of life. For example:

      – someone whose mother cried freely and always recovered well from loss is less likely to feel frightened when hit by grief than someone whose mother locked in her feelings and, as a result, remained bitter and lonely all her life

      – someone who attended a school where the head teacher used excitement about future career options to induce motivation will have a positive view of its power; another may view it much more sceptically because, throughout her life, she has been continually let down by experiences which initially seemed exciting.

      Instant Exercise

      Choose two contrasting emotions and think whether your life experience has left you with any positive or negative expectations about each.

       3. Nurture Helps Shape the Style We Use to Express Emotion

      Nowadays it is fairly generally accepted that our parents have a major impact on the development of our personality. Our emotional style is also significantly influenced by many other factors in our formative years. For example, the cultural habits of the country in which we live or the religion which we prac-tise will play their part in influencing the manner