Emotional Confidence: Simple Steps to Build Your Confidence. Gael Lindenfield

      → scans for blueprints and finds one (‘Wild bears in deserted forest approaching unarmed fragile creatures!’)

      → reads instructions (‘Stay still, stay quiet and make hasty retreat!’)

      → declares emergency and sends message to direct limbic system (‘Crisis! Flight response required urgently’)

      → message to motor response department (‘Freeze limbs for .25 seconds please!’)

      → message to eyes (‘Open wide and scan field for best route out’)

      → message to the pituitary glands to secrete increase of adrenalin (‘Give extra strength to heart, lungs and legs as soon as eyes find route’)

      → message to sweat glands (‘Open up – let perspiration out – skin needs cooling’)

      → message to heart (‘Beat faster and divert blood supply to legs’)

      → message to respiratory department (‘Expand lungs and inhale deep breaths of oxygen’)

      → message to legs (‘Set in motion and head speedily back to civilization!’) Two minutes later, when traffic from nearby road is heard:

      → message to all emergency centres (‘Crisis over, fragile creatures now in sight of safety zone – relax and resume normal functioning’)

      → my thinking centre takes over the action (‘Try and make sense of that!)

      → major analysis of emotional concoction (relief – at not going to be eaten by wild animal; embarrassment – it was a forest in Hampshire – not a jungle!; disappointment – at being deprived of peaceful walk; anger – at self for reacting in such a ridiculously primitive manner; and guilt – due to jibes at husband for not being more reassuring)

      → sends an action message to my speech centre (‘Talk about the experience to husband, as he did an instant about turn too.’)

      → incident concludes with neat rationalization (‘It wasn’t that silly a reaction – after all there is a zoo nearby – it could have been an escaped animal: remember the story in last month’s paper!’)

      A couple of weeks later when I was dipping into my literature on emotions to prepare for writing this chapter I was reminded that my primitive response has a long and noble history. It has saved the lives of countless generations of my protomammalian ancestors, so perhaps I should start being proud of it and more understanding when it makes the odd mistake!

      Instant Exercise

      Think of a similar embarrassing tale of your own (you don’t need to publish yours!)

       HOW LONG DOES AN EMOTION LAST?

      Psychologists say that the life of an emotion is very short – usually only a few brief seconds, and at most several minutes. They believe that emotions which last longer than a few minutes are in reality a number of different individual sets of recurring responses.

       WHAT IS A MOOD?

      A mood is a long-lasting emotional state which can be identified by specific patterns of biochemical and hormonal change. It is experienced as a much less intense sensation and sometimes we may not even be aware of what is going on. A mood can last for hours or it can stretch over a period of days. An emotional state which persists for longer than a few weeks is often called an affective disorder. (This is the general term which doctors use to describe a sad or black mood which has developed over time into a depressive illness.)

      One of the differences between a mood and an emotion is that, when we are in a mood, our feelings and biochemistry do not necessarily correspond with any easily identifiable trigger. This is why we sometimes think that moods arise from ‘out of the blue’. In fact they have always been induced by one or more of the following factors:

      1. very deep emotional experiences which have not been expressed (e.g. through ‘soldiering on’ as though nothing has happened after a big disappointment and then finding ourselves in an ‘unexplainably’ snappy mood)

      2. a number of quickly repeated emotional experiences (e.g. a series of frustratingly ineffective phone calls leading to a despairing mood; meeting a succession of inspiring people at a conference or party leading to a motivated mood)

      3. changes in internal chemistry due to, for example, lack of sleep, menstruation, food deprivation, weather conditions, etc.

      One of the dangers about moods is that they can change the way we start viewing the world in general without our even realizing it. We start unconsciously selecting opportunities and people that fit in with our mood. So if we are job-hunting in a foul mood we tend to see only the jobs we are not likely to get, and to seek advice or consolation from cynics. The consequence being that our life can drift into becoming as genuinely ‘foul’ as our mood.

      Instant Exercise

      Recall a mood you have been in during the past week, and think about the exact factors that may have caused it. Note the quality of the thoughts which you had while you were in that mood and whether they affected any decisions you made during that time.

       WHAT IS TEMPERAMENT?

      This is the term used to describe a particular person’s predisposition to certain emotions or moods. Our temperament also affects the way we learn to express our feelings, so it can have great bearing on the development of our personality.

      We experience and observe temperament as our habitual ‘life-long’ feelings which seem to be integral to our identity. We often talk about them guiding our behaviour and our attitudes. For example:

      I’m a worrier → you won’t see me smiling when there are too many changes around

      I’ve got a bit of a temper → I usually stay quiet if I see trouble brewing

      I’m extrovert like my mum and her mum → we’re always the noisy ones at a party!

      Our temperamental patterns are set by a mixture of the following factors:

      – our genetic inheritance (e.g. a family can have a history of men who suffer from depression, or of women who are emotionally ‘explosive’)

      – the physical structure of our brains (e.g. someone who has been born with emotional damage to their brain in a specific area may be described as ‘being quick-tempered’ because that section of their nervous system cannot control their feeling responses very efficiently)

      – our life experiences (e.g. a person whose childhood was peppered with disappointments often develops a pessimistic temperament).

      Instant Exercise

      Write down three adjectives which are often used to describe your temperament; think if any of these might have been affected by any of the above factors. What kind of moods do each of these temperamental factors tend to encourage?

       HOW DO EMOTION, MOOD AND TEMPERAMENT RELATE TO EACH OTHER?

      Emotion, mood and temperament are closely interrelated. I have listed some facts about their interdependence below. To bring this theory to life I have followed each with a positive example of its potential impact on someone chasing a life-dream.

      Our imaginary dream-seeker is called Sophie. You’ll