Jane Eyre. An Autobiography / Джейн Эйр. Автобиография. Шарлотта Бронте

her forehead was cold, and so were her hand and wrist; but she smiled as of old[26].

      “Why have you come here, Jane? It is past eleven o’clock: I heard it strike some minutes ago.”

      “I came to see you, Helen: I heard you were very ill, and I could not sleep till I had spoken to you.”

      “You came to bid me good-bye, then: you are just in time probably.”

      “Are you going somewhere, Helen? Are you going home?”

      “Yes; to my long home – my last home.”

      “No, no, Helen!” I stopped, distressed. A fit of coughing seized Helen; when it was over, she lay some minutes exhausted; then she whispered —

      “Jane, your little feet are bare; lie down and cover yourself with my quilt.”

      I did so: she put her arm over me, and I nestled close to her. After a long silence, she resumed, still whispering —

      “I am very happy, Jane; and when you hear that I am dead, you must not grieve: there is nothing to grieve about. We all must die one day, and the illness which is removing me is not painful. I leave no one to regret me much: I have only a father; and he is lately married, and will not miss me. By dying young, I shall escape great sufferings. I had not qualities or talents to make my way very well in the world.”

      “But where are you going to, Helen? Can you see? Do you know?”

      “I believe; I have faith: I am going to God.”

      “Where is God? What is God?”

      “My Maker and yours, who will never destroy what He created.”

      “You are sure, then, Helen, that there is such a place as heaven, and that our souls can get to it when we die?”

      “I am sure there is a future state; I believe God is good. God is my father; God is my friend: I love Him; I believe He loves me.”

      “And shall I see you again, Helen, when I die?”

      “You will come to the same region of happiness; no doubt, dear Jane.”

      I lay with my face hidden on her neck. Presently she said, in the sweetest tone —

      “How comfortable I am! That last fit of coughing has tired me a little; I feel as if I could sleep: but don’t leave me, Jane; I like to have you near me.”

      “I’ll stay with you, dear Helen: no one shall take me away.”

      “Are you warm, darling?”

      “Yes.”

      “Good-night, Jane.”

      “Good-night, Helen.”

      She kissed me, and I her, and we both soon fell asleep.

      When I awoke it was day: an unusual movement roused me; I looked up; I was in somebody’s arms; the nurse held me; she was carrying me back to the dormitory. I was not scolded for leaving my bed; people had something else to think about; no explanation was given then to my many questions; but a day or two afterwards I learned that Miss Temple, on returning to her own room at dawn, had found me laid in the little bed; my face against Helen Burns’s shoulder, my arms round her neck. I was asleep, and Helen was – dead.

      Her grave is in Brocklebridge churchyard: a grey marble tablet marks the spot, inscribed with her name, and the word “Resurgam[27].”

      Chapter X

      So far, I have recorded in detail the events of my insignificant existence: to the first ten years of my life I have given almost as many chapters. But this is not to be a regular autobiography; therefore I now pass a space of eight years almost in silence.

      When the typhus fever had gradually disappeared from Lowood, it generated public attention on the school. Inquiry was made into the origin of the epidemic, and various facts came out which caused public indignation. The unhealthy nature of the site; the quantity and quality of the children’s food; the bad water used in its preparation; the pupils’ poor clothing and accommodations – all these things were discovered, and the discovery produced a result bad to Mr. Brocklehurst, but good to the institution.

      Several wealthy individuals in the county subscribed largely for the erection of a more convenient building in a better place; new regulations were made; improvements in diet and clothing introduced; the funds of the school were given to the management of a committee. The school, thus improved, became in time a truly useful and noble institution. I remained there, after its regeneration, for eight years: six as pupil, and two as teacher.

      During these eight years my life was uniform. In time I rose to be the first girl of the first class; then I was made a teacher; I eagerly did that job for two years: but at the end of that time I changed.

      Miss Temple’s friendship and society had been my continual solace; she was for me mother, governess, and, finally, companion. At this period she married, removed with her husband to a distant county, and was lost to me.

      From the day she left I was no longer the same. I was quiet; I believed I was content: to the eyes of others, usually even to my own, I appeared a disciplined character.

      But when I saw Miss Temple in her travelling dress step into a post-chaise, shortly after the marriage ceremony; watched the chaise disappear in the distance, I retired to my own room, and there spent in solitude the greatest part of the day.

      I walked about the room most of the time. I was regretting my loss, and thinking how to repair it; but when the evening came, another discovery came to me, namely, that the real world was wide, full of hopes and fears, awaiting those who had courage to seek real knowledge of life.

      I went to my window, opened it, and looked out. I recalled the time when I had arrived at Lowood, and I had never quitted it since. My vacations had all been spent at school: Mrs. Reed had never sent for me to Gateshead. And now I felt that it was not enough; I tired of the routine of eight years in one afternoon. I desired liberty; for liberty I uttered a prayer: I cried, half desperate, “if not total liberty, grant me at least a new servitude!”

      Servitude! Any one may serve: I have served here eight years; now all I want is to serve elsewhere. I sat up in bed: it was a chilly night; I covered my shoulders with a shawl, and then I began to think again with all my might.

      “What do I want? A new place, in a new house, amongst new faces, under new circumstances. What do people do to get a new place? They apply to friends, I suppose: I have no friends. There are many others who have no friends, and they should be their own helpers; and what is their resource?”

      I could not tell: nothing answered me; I then ordered my brain to find a response, and quickly. I got up, undrew the curtain, noted a star or two, shivered with cold, and again crept to bed.

      A kind fairy, in my absence, had surely dropped the required suggestion on my pillow; for as I lay down, it came quietly and naturally to my mind. – “Those who want situations advertise; you must advertise in the **shire Herald.”

      “How? I know nothing about advertising.”

      Responses came fast: —

      “You must enclose the advertisement and the money to pay for it directed to the editor of the Herald; answers must be addressed to J.E., at the Lowton post-office; you can go and inquire in about a week, if any letter has come, and act accordingly.”

      I was up early: I had my advertisement written, enclosed, and directed before the bell rang to wake the school; it ran thus: —

      “A young lady accustomed to tuition” (had I not been a teacher two years?) “is desirous of meeting with a situation in a private family where the children are under fourteen. She is qualified to teach the usual branches of a good English education, together with French, Drawing, and Music” (in those days, reader, this now narrow catalogue of skills, would have been held sufficient). “Address, J.E., Post-office, Lowton, **shire.”

      This document

26

как раньше

27

Я воскресну