Brains Confounded by the Ode of Abū Shādūf Expounded. Yūsuf al-Shirbīnī

وسدّ عليها بشمع وألقاها في الجدول فأخذه الماء حتّى ألقاها بين يدي الملك فتناولها وفكّ ختامها وأخرج الورقة فلمّا قرأ البيت تبسّم وناداه ادخل يا خصا فقال الشاعر هذا منك عن وسع عظيم أطال الله بقاك فانسرّ الملك لمصادفة هذه النكتة وأنعم عليه وارتدّ شاكرًا

      ١ بي: (في جميع النسخ) واقف.

      A Silly Topic for Discussion: What is the wisdom in bayḍ (“balls”) also being called khiṣyatān (“testicles (dual)”),¹⁹¹ and what points of resemblance are there between the two in name, and what is their etymology and what does it mean? The Facetious Answer is that the singular of khiṣyatān is khiṣyah with i after the kh; and likewise the dual of khiṣā (“testicles (plural)”) is khiṣwān, and one of them is a khiṣy/khaṣī,¹⁹² and if you were to take one khaṣiy, for example, and add another, you would have taken a pair of balls (khiṣwayn), no doubt about it! Understand this well! The same thing may also be called khiṣw, with w instead of a, which is also a word for the penis,¹⁹³ for the latter is like a father to the two testicles, because it never leaves them, and they are as two daughters to it; thus its name is derived from that of the subordinate entity because it is never separated from the latter. From this it follows that the two testicles are in a position of permanent submission to the male organ, while the latter is in a position of high standing over them and they likewise are in a position of dependence while it is in a position of upward mobility; and, additionally, they are in the position of annexation, while it is in the position of the elevated and erected vowels.¹⁹⁴ Further, the male organ has the power to open locked doors, assault fortresses, and knock at smooth domes, while the testicles politely wait for him at the entrance, which is a sign of the filial piety due to a father. In illustration of which, it once came about that a certain poet sought out a king in order to plead for his charity and found him to be in his garden. The poet stood by the gate and tried to gain entrance, but the guard prevented him. The poet then looked behind the wall of the garden and found a water channel running towards, and ending at a point beneath, the wall, where it debouched into a large basin, next to which he beheld the king sitting. So he took a piece of paper and wrote on it this verse:¹⁹⁵

      Everyone else, like a penis, has gone in,

      But this slave, like the testes, is left lying at the door.

      Then he folded it and put it in a Persian reed, sealed it with wax, and threw it into the channel, whence the water carried it until it cast it at the feet of the king. The king picked it up, broke the seal, and pulled out the piece of paper. When he read the verse he smiled and called out to him, “Come in, testicles!” to which the poet replied, “This is just evidence of your great capacity, God preserve you!”¹⁹⁶ The king was well pleased with the aptness of the joke and rewarded him, and the poet retired, giving thanks.

      ٩،٤،١١

11.4.9

      (قلت) وبذكر مصادفة هذه الألفاظ ذكرت ما اتّفق أنّ السلطان قانصوه الغوريّ رحمه الله غضب على إنسان وأراد قتله فشفع فيه بعض الحاضرين وعمل عليه ثلاثة آلاف دينار ونزل من عند الملك ليأتي بهم فلقيه رجل من أصدقائه وهو على سُلَّم الديوان فقال له بلغني أنّ الملك عمل عليك ألف دينار فقال لا عليّ الطلاق ثلاثة قال فلمّا سمع الملك وقوع هذه الكلمة منه واستخدامها في معنى الطلاق والدراهم عفا عنه وسامحه من الثلاثة آلاف دينار وأنعم عليه ومضى إلى حال سبيله

      Apropos of the aptness of these words, I am reminded of what happened once when Sultan Qānṣawh al-Ghawrī, God have mercy upon him, got angry with a man and wanted to kill him. Some of those present interceded on his behalf, and the sultan imposed on him instead a fine of three thousand dinars. The man left the sultan’s presence to get them and one of his friends, encountering him as he was descending the steps from the audience chamber, said to him, “I hear that the sultan has fined you a thousand dinars.” The other replied, “No, may I be divorced—times three!”¹⁹⁷ When the sultan heard of this bon mot of his and how he had used the same word to cover both divorce and money, he pardoned him, forgave him the three thousand dinars, and rewarded him, and the man went his way.

      ١٠،٤،١١

11.4.10

      (وقد يطلق) لفظ الخصا على الذكر أيضًا ويسمّى الدُلْدوُل والذَنَب والزُبّ والأَيْر والغُرْمول وغير ذلك لكنّ أشهر أسمائه خمسة وقد ذكرتها في رسالتي رياض الأنس فيما جرى بين الزُبّ والكُسّ وهي [رجز]

لي عِنْدَهُم أَسْماءُ حَقًّا تُذْكَرْ	أَيْرٌ وزُبٌّ دُلْدُلٌ وذَكَرْ
وَخامِسُ الأَسْماءِ أُدْعَى بِالخِصا	إِذا غَضِبْتُ خِلْتَني كَما العَصا

      ويُلْقَب بالأعْوَر والأفْطَس والسدّاد والمدّاد وهادم الحصون وفاتح البروج ويُكْنَى أبو الحَمَلات وأبو الصَدَمات وأبو الهيازع وأبو الزلازل ونحو ذلك وإذا أَطْلَق الإنسان عِنانه وأطاع هواه ألقاه في أشدّ المصائب قال ابن عروس رحمه الله [مجتثّ]

النَّاسُ في الله تاهُوا	والأجوادُ شاعَتْ تَناها
ما ضرّني غيرُ بطني	والّى مدلّي حَداها

      وقد تُشبَّه الخصيتين بالدجاجتين قال بعضهم يهجو شيخه بهذين البيتين [رجز]

يا رَبِّ زوِّلْ غَمَّنا يا ربّا

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