Driven To Distraction. Tina Wainscott

on the cool scale.

      She shifted her gaze to the aquarium in case she gave away her sympathy. All of the snails were gliding along their branches. If she asked him about the study, maybe she could spend the whole evening with him. Maybe they could practice holding hands. Maybe…

      She stopped those selfish thoughts. He had work to do. The only reason she had offered to be his girlfriend was to be nice, right? To help him out. Not because she thought she had any chance of making Barrett fall in love with her. Certainly not because she was falling for him.

      That would never do. He’d become bored with her in no time even if he were interested to begin with, which was probably ninety degrees away from reality. And she wanted a baby. Barrett was eyeing Weasel Boy with concern. He’d be way out of his league with a baby.

      She tilted the bowl and drained the remaining milk into her mouth. “I’d better let you work,” she said, pushing her chair back and taking her bowl to the kitchen. “Come on, Weasel Boy. Let’s leave the scientist dude in peace.”

      Weasel Boy wasn’t budging. He followed Barrett into the kitchen when he put the bowls in the dishwasher, then to the foyer where Stacy was waiting. But he was firmly at Barrett’s heel.

      “You must really like dogs,” he said at the same moment she made a grab for the dog and landed face first on the floor.

      “I love dogs,” she muttered as she made another futile grab.

      Barrett was watching as she played tag with Weasel Boy all around his legs. “Then why don’t you have one?”

      “Granny was allergic to animals, so growing up, I couldn’t have any pets.” Another lunge, another miss. “We compromised when I started bringing the problem dogs home from the Humane Society. I kept them outside, of course. It worked out pretty good.”

      “But you could have a dog now.”

      “Yes—” her hands slid over the dog’s slippery body “—but the problem is I want all the dogs at the shelter. I can’t look at those faces and pick just one to adopt. I wish I had acres and acres of dogs, cats, rabbits…everything. So I’ve continued to bring them home and spread my love out to a lot of them.”

      He scooped up Weasel Boy and handed him to her. “Because you’re a nice person.”

      “Yeah, real nice,” she said breathlessly. When she met his gaze, he looked almost…disappointed. Nah, she must be misreading him. “I got it from Granny. She was a saint.” Weasel Boy started wriggling in her arms. “Well, I’d better go.” She wanted to stay. Bad. But she reminded herself about his deadline and opened the door.

      “What about your being my girlfriend?”

      She stopped mid-movement and turned. “What?”

      “What are we supposed to do? To convince the neighbors?”

      Her shoulders deflated. Boy, he really was afraid of those women. More precisely, afraid they’d interrupt his work. “Oh, that. We’ll make a few appearances. That should do it. Nothing that’ll distract you from your work.” She gave him a wave. “See you.”

      He grinned. “I see you, too.”

      NITA JOINED the women at the corner just out of sight of Stacy’s house. “She’s pretending they’re dating, I just know it.”

      “Wait, here comes Ernie.”

      He was putting a lot of effort into appearing casual as he strolled down the sidewalk. Occasionally he glanced behind him, then around. As soon as he turned the corner, he sped up.

      “Well? Are they?” they all asked.

      “I never give up my secrets to the enemy,” he said with a lift of his chin. “Not even if you torture me.”

      “You’re spying for us, you dingy!” Betty said.

      He took them in with narrowed eyes. “But how can I be sure of that? Maybe you’re all just pretending to be on my side. Maybe you’re double agents. I’m good at ferreting out the bad guys. That’s why they made me a spy in the war, you know.”

      “We know, we know already,” Nita said. “Out with it.”

      “They called me the Black Gopher. That was my code name.”

      “All right, Black Gopher, out with it!”

      He lifted his chin. “I never cracked under the interrogation. No matter what they did to me, I held my secrets. I…ah!”

      “Give it up!” Nita said, a firm grip on his earlobe.

      “All right, all right! You’re dislodging my sonic ear, woman!” He pushed it back in. “I pretended to be watering my plants when they was by the door talking. They didn’t have a clue I was listening. They used to call me the Black Gopher, you know.”

      “We know! Are they or aren’t they?”

      He nodded, pride gleaming on his face. “It’s a charade, all right, just like you said.”

      “Like I said,” Nita said, releasing her hold. “That’s just the kind of thing she’d do to protect that man from us.”

      Betty said, “But I think it’s more than that. She really likes him. She’s got a glow about her.”

      Annette gave it some thought. “Yeah, now that you mention it, she does.”

      “So what’s our game plan? The usual?” Arlene asked.

      “No, it’s different this time. Barrett’s different,” Frieda said.

      Ernie nodded. “He does seem like a good guy. Gene’s son says so.”

      “Not like some of those other guys she’s brought around.” A chorus of agreeing murmurs went up. Ernie said, “It took a lot of convincing until that last guy believed Stacy was part of a Mafia family. I should have used the line I used the time before that with the dinner theater actor.”

      “But it’s so mean to make up stories about Stacy’s mental health,” Frieda said.

      “Maybe we’ve finally found the guy she deserves.”

      “And she’s everything we said Barrett needs in a woman.”

      “She looked so dang disappointed that we didn’t see it at workout earlier,” Arlene said with a slow shake of her head. “I feel just terrible about it.”

      “We were only thinking about ourselves. Game plan, game plan. Well, they’re already pretending to be dating, that’s a start.”

      “But you know our Stacy. She’ll be diligent about not distracting him from his important project.”

      They all nodded in agreement. Then Nita got a glimmer in her eyes. “So we force their hand. Call their bluff. She’s protective of Barrett getting his project done, right? If we keep bluffing about trying to set him up with our offspring, she’ll have to spend more time protecting him. More time with him.”

      Betty rubbed her hands together. “Ah, and what if we come right out and tell her we don’t believe her? Tell her we want proof?”

      They all put their hands in the center of their circle, cheered, “Power Squadron, unite!” and pulled their hands away with a flourish.

      “Oh, by the way, Arlene, good work nixing that grooming job for Stacy. It wasn’t the right thing for her. What line did you use this time?”

      “The one about her escaping the loony bin. It seems to do the trick.”

      Betty smiled. “We’ll find her the right man, and then the right job. Hopefully the assistant director’s position at the Humane Society will open up soon. That’s where she belongs, not grooming dogs.”

      “Or working at a pet store.”

      Ernie had a glint