Big Spankable Asses. Kimberly Kaye Terry

but I’ve had a couple here and there,” Lilliana said, sipping her margarita as she sat with her two best friends, Melinda Carlisle and Simone Thomas, in their favorite booth at Hooters, drinking, gossiping and winding down with the rest of the early evening crowd.

      “Well, I don’t know about you two but I’m no stranger to the ultimate thrill, it’s just…been a while, that’s all. And for a chick like me? A toy can only provide so much relief. I need a man. A real man. One that doesn’t require batteries,” Simone said on a sigh as she sat back in the booth, her eyes restless as she surveyed the crowd.

      “Ummm. Yeah, I know what you mean, girl. Since I’ve returned home, well, actually since I left Marcus two years ago—”

      “Thank God you saw the light and finally left that loser.”

      “Simone!” Melinda cautioned.

      “What? We all know that jackass was a sorry excuse for a man. No man puts his hands on a woman. Period. End of subject. He was lucky all our girl did was give him a black eye with that vase she bashed over his head when he tried to hit her again. He should be thanking God that when she knocked him out, she didn’t lay his ass out to rest! I would have,” Simone said grimly. The women were silent for a minute.

      “You’re back home and we’re thankful for that. I missed you, girl. Long distance calls and occasional visits are nothing like having you here at home.” Melinda reached over and enveloped Lilliana in a hug.

      “Thanks, Mel. It feels good to be home,” she said, returning the hug and giving a small half-smile.

      “I missed you too, Lil. It’s kind of like old times, the three of us together again. Remember how you’d sneak out of the house, when your brothers and your mom were asleep?” Simone asked and all three women laughed in memory.

      “That was the only time I ever had any fun! If it hadn’t been for you two, I don’t know what I would have done.”

      “I tell you what you would have done. Watched your brothers twenty-four-seven. That’s what would have happened,” Melinda finished and shook her head. “Girl, I still don’t understand why your mother did that to you. You and Glenn are only a year or so apart, aren’t you? And the twins weren’t that much younger than Glenn.”

      “She worked late nights sometimes and she was beat. She said she didn’t have energy to deal with us, especially the younger ones, after working twelve-hour shifts at the factory,” Lilliana answered with a shrug.

      “Why do you always do that?” Simone asked after a slight pause.

      “Do what?”

      “Excuse your mom.”

      “I don’t excuse her. It happened and I don’t want to dwell on it. It was in the past, it has nothing to do with the present, so can we just not go there tonight? I thought we were talking about men, anyway, not my mama.” Lilliana barely refrained from rolling her eyes. She glanced down at her drink and caught the subtle elbow nudge that Melinda gave Simone, and Simone’s answering grimace.

      “Like I was saying. I am in total agreement with you on the whole it’s been a while syndrome!”

      Melinda laughed. “I had no idea that lack of sex was a syndrome.”

      “It is when it’s been a while since you had any.”

      “Hmmm. Especially when it’s been a while since you had it put on you right! And the official name for it is PID,” Simone returned drolly.

      “Pelvic Inflammatory Disease?” Melinda was a nurse and naturally applied a medical term to the acronym.

      “Hell no! Pussy In Distress Syndrome,” Simone said.

      “Okay? Girl!” Lilliana agreed and all three women laughed.

      “So what do we do about it?” Melinda asked after they’d stopped.

      “Do? What do you mean?”

      “Hold on…let me get the waitress over here.” Simone raised her arm to capture the woman’s attention.

      “Do you think Hooters would hire me?” Lilliana asked out of the blue.

      “What in the world? Why do you want to work at Hooters? Don’t you like the temp job I set up for you?” Melinda asked Lilliana before she turned to Simone. “I don’t think I need another drink, Simone! My head is reeling from the two I’ve already had!”

      “Girl, please. It’s Friday night…what else you got planned?” Simone turned her head. Her long, honey-blond, relaxed hair whipped around as she snapped her fingers to try and get the waitress’s attention.

      “Yes, I do like the job. It’s going really well…I’ll have another one, Simone,” Lilliana laughed, easily moving back and forth with the conversation. She turned to Melinda. “I was just wondering if they’d hire me. I mean look at these chicks.”

      They all glanced around at the midriff-baring, T-shirt wearing waitresses bustling around the bar and grill, big boobs bouncing as they served drinks and food.

      “What about them? What are you complaining about? You’ve got more than enough going on up top. Both of you heffas do. It’s my behind they wouldn’t hire. All ass and no tits!” Melinda humphed.

      “Yeah, I got the boobs, but it’s the rest of me they wouldn’t dig, girl. Not only do I have the tits, I got the ass, thighs and hips to go along with it,” Lilliana argued.

      “Well, at least you’re evened out. Got a nice small waist. I’d love to have more on top to go along with this butt of mine,” Melinda insisted.

      “Girl, whatever! I don’t know what kind of man you’re used to…oh, wait. That’s right!” Simone snapped two fingers together. “You were married to that bougie fool, Edmund. His wannabe ass wouldn’t know a real woman if she came up behind him and pimp-slapped him! That’s why he didn’t know what to do with you, Mel. You’re a real woman, and once you stopped living in his image he didn’t know what to do!”

      Lilliana couldn’t help smiling at her friends. It felt good to be home with friends who knew and loved her. She’d been back in Chicago for less than a month, yet it already felt right. She’d felt nervous returning home after being away so long, but her girls had made her feel comfortable in no time.

      All three women had known each other since they were teens, attending the same private school. Melinda and Simone had been friends before Lilliana came along in the tenth grade. She’d received a scholarship to attend St. Mary’s Catholic School. Well, that’s what they’d called it, a scholarship. It was a more polite way of phrasing what it really was: a handout. The only qualification for the “scholarship” had been based on financial hardship.

      In other words, for broke folks.

      But she’d been glad to get away from the public school she’d attended in her own neighborhood. St. Mary’s was a far cry from West Central, where she’d attended her freshman year of high school. At Saint Mary’s all-girls academy, she didn’t have to worry about being harassed by the older boys, teased because of the size of her breasts and told what they’d like to do with them and her.

      Lilliana had always been slightly uncomfortable with her large breasts and tended to slump forward to hide them. Her own mother had teased her relentlessly about them, saying that was all a man would want from her. It had taken until recently before she’d finally kicked the ugly habit of hiding her body. But even now, she’d catch herself slumping and Simone would bust her out every time.

      Her gaze traveled over her friends as they discussed the pros and cons of tits versus ass.

      Simone was beautiful, vivacious and didn’t give a damn what anyone thought of her. She spoke her mind without being mean, although sometimes Lilliana wondered how much was bravado and how much was real. No matter what, the woman had it going on. She loved her girl and although she didn’t feel jealous of her,