Billy Bramble and The Great Big Cook Off. Sally Donovan

wish for is some nice friends who like playing Lego and making dens.

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      FRIENDSHIPS ARE LIKE MATHS

      My friend Carter who I thought was my friend, well it turns out he isn’t any more and now he is in the gang and I am out of the gang.

      LOSER. LONER. SADDO. WEIRDO. STUPIDO. THAT’S ME.

      Mum says, ‘I wish I could make it better for you,’ but she can’t. No one can, except Carter, and Gobber chased him away like he chases everyone away.

      Mrs Buttress says that friendships can be complicated like maths and I’ll get there in the end and that I must think about how much progress I’ve made. I don’t want to do that. I don’t really know what she means by ‘progress’. I just want friends. And I want Facebook (not the chicken variety).

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      When I’m trying hard to be friends with someone Gobber runs around distracting me and I lose the conversation and I can’t get back in. Gobber gets jealous when I try to ignore him and barks louder and jumps higher. Then stupid things come out of my mouth and everyone stares at me and someone will make a joke and they will all laugh. Including Gobber. That’s what he wanted all along, to make people laugh at me and then go away from me. I wish I could make him go away. I’ve tried lots of different things but nothing ever works. I think that Gobber is my life sentence. My secret life sentence.

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      I AM FULL OF BADNESS

      I am officially in a heap of smelly trouble. It involves me and Starsky and Starsky’s friends and a dare in a shop, which I did but I got caught. (Because of my epic bad luck I am always the one who gets caught.) I can’t tell what happened because I am too full of a heavy feeling which Mum says is called shame but I know is badness.

      I had to be brought home from the shop by my mum which was ten out of ten awkward. I was fully expecting her to shout but she didn’t, which was a big surprise and shock. Then Gobber laughed his ugly laugh, licked my face and left slobber running down my cheeks like tears. (Just for the record, they were not tears alright.)

      She didn’t say much only that she thinks I get into trouble when I hang around with Starsky and his friends.

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      This is partly true. They don’t do Lego and dens and cycling. They do smoking and nicking from shops and not going to school, but at least they are friends and in my book bad friends are better than no friends at all.

      I had just about managed to keep Gobber under control in the car but when we got home he went completely mad with barking and raging and I ended up under my duvet and my mum was crying. She was crying proper tears, not dog lick tears. This is the kind of surprise that can make you feel heavy with stones in your insides.

      Later on Dad helped me carry the vacuum to my room.

      Now I am very tired and I might never feel right again.

      The only good thing about the day was that Hungry Bungry slept on the end of my bed and did not move even when I was angry and sad. She does not seem to notice that I am full of badness.

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      A BAD BAD DAY

      Today was officially an AWESOMELY BAD BAD DAY and even worse than yesterday, which I thought was as bad as any day could get.

      The only one good thing about today was that I had crisps AND chocolate in my lunchbox. Other than that it was a DANGER HIGH VOLTAGE day.

      Gobber acted like he is the boss of my universe and I literally hate him.

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      AN UNEXPECTED DAY OFF SCHOOL

      Today I had an unexpected day off school. Mum made me have a bath and wash my hair and cut my nails and tidy up my bedroom (which I admit was rank) and we made Comfort Soup and ate it.

      THIS IS A GETTING CALM DAY. AND

       TOMORROW WILL BE A FRESH START.

      Even though I don’t like school I did not want a day off school so I argued about it. I can’t explain this other than to say that sometimes things are complicated.

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