Raising Able. Susan Tordella

new. Imagine that I’m in front of you now, trying to pick up this book. “It’s just so heavy, I can’t get my hand around it, it’s just impossible.”

      When implementing a new strategy, don’t try it. Instead, embrace it 100 percent, do it, and stick to it.

      Do or not.

      There is no try.

      Jedi Master Yoda

      Star Wars

      Imagine the whole family is in a stage drama and your new behavior is dress rehearsal for the new role of a positive parent. Learn the lines and recite them with 100 percent conviction. Eventually, the lines will come naturally and create new results.

      Give the new approach time to sink in. Positive family relations require practice, feedback, trying again and time. For me, it required reading, taking an 8-week class in a circle on old folding chairs in a church basement and talking about how to be different, and waking up to how my actions influenced my children’s behavior.

      You can’t control your children’s behavior. You can only control your response to them. You will learn new behavior in this book.

      Younger children will respond faster

      This book is intended for parents of children from age 2 to 22. If your children are between ages 2-11, adopting these strategies will lay the foundation for tolerable, even enjoyable teenagers. If your children older than 12, there’s hope. Expect change to take longer.

      Even Hercules mows the lawn and does dishes

      Kevin Sorbo links his success to the work ethic cultivated while growing up in Mound, Minn. Born in 1962 the fourth of five children, he learned early on about teamwork in the family’s modest home.

      “One brother would be washing the dishes, another would dry the dishes, another put them away in an assembly line formula,” Sorbo said. Other chores included vacuuming, shoveling snow (“It’s long winter in Minnesota,” he said) and mowing the lawn. “Yard work is something I enjoy doing anyway. It’s kind of a Zen moment,” Sorbo said.

      He appreciates the benefits of home jobs. “Family chores are a wonderful way to prepare for what’s going to happen out in the real world. You learn how to be part of a cohesive team. If you learn how to get along with your brothers and sisters, you can learn to get along with anybody,” he said.

      Sorbo had a paper route. “From 8 years old until about age 16, I got up at 4:30 a.m. and delivered seventy-five papers on a bike in 20-degrees below in the winter. I put my money away and learned responsibility very early. I bought my own car with the money – a 1967 powder blue Mustang.”

      That work ethic has stayed with him. As an actor who constantly sells himself for the next role, he said, “I can’t give up when things don’t go my way. You’ve got to use every time you get rejected as a learning experience, otherwise you go crazy.”

      A junior high school biology teacher, his father used encouragement to motivate his family. “My father held the family together with soft thunder,” Sorbo said. The children received a monthly allowance of 50 cents.

      His parents expected the children to volunteer to regularly, without being asked to help, to do things like carry in groceries from the car.

      Sorbo is instilling the same work ethic with his children, 7, 4, and 3 years old. “It’s very important these guys learn responsibility,” he said. The children put their dishes in the sink after a meal, take out the trash, help set the table, clean up their rooms and pick up their toys.

      Sorbo has created a family environment in which his children want to pitch in without being reminded.

      “I came home one afternoon and found my 7 year old son raking leaves by himself. He said, ‘Dad, I’m just helping out without being asked.’”

      Kevin Sorbo rose to stardom in the hit TV series, “Hercules the Legendary Journeys,” and has been cast in a score of TV and movie roles since then.

      Computer commodore for life

      I really wanted a Commodore 64 computer when I was 12 years old in 1982.

      My dad made me a deal: he would buy the computer if I promised to help him print mailing and address labels. He bought it. I worked for my dad for three years and learned how to program the computer.

      If it wasn’t for my dad making me generate labels (he sells insurance and is a financial planner), my life would be remarkably different.

      At 16, I started a successful Internet technology consulting business that I run today, now called Brainlink.

      My father launched my career, and life-long passion with that simple request.

      Rajesh Goel Queens, New York

      Chief Technology Officer--www.brainlink.com

      New practices: Have the courage to be imperfect. Everyone makes mistakes. View your family members and yourself as actors.

      Challenge: Write down your most pressing problem with your child or teen on a sticky note on the inside cover. Set it aside for now.

      For group discussion or journaling: What do I hope to gain by creating a positive parenting plan? How is my family of origin different from the family I have now? How did my parents influence the type of parent I am?

      Key points from A Positive Parenting Plan

      •The root of discipline is disciple. A disciple is a student. Our children are our students. We are the teachers.

      •When implementing new strategies, anticipate children may react the same way you would react to a broken vending machine -- protest, shake and scream. Don’t waiver.

      •Avoid trying. Do it or not.

      •Practice the courage to be imperfect.

      •Four types of parenting styles are democratic permissive, over-protective and authoritarian.

      •Start small, encourage yourself and build on success.

      •Begin taking action and avoid excessive words and warnings.

      •Read ahead to Chapter 17, Name It and Tame It if you’re the serious student. It will provide much insight.

      2. The Benefits of Chores Last a Lifetime

      Parents began to stop nagging and realized that they did not

      need to be slaves to their children in order to be good parents.

      Rudolf Dreikurs

      Summer Ice Princess

      When I was 10 years old, my father took me aside in his basement sanctuary filled with tools to mold wood