The Tech Talk. Michael Horne, PsyD

the capacity to fully develop an understanding of identity and relationships may not completely form until the end of an “Emerging Adulthood” stage that psychologists now propose takes place from eighteen to twenty-six years of age (it is beyond the scope of our discussion to speculate what role technology, as well as the current college culture, might have to do with this change). In any case, teenagers are still learning how to be in relationships, and many of them now see technology as being a fundamental element of those relationships. In some cases, entire friendships and romantic relationships are built online, calling into question the authenticity of such a mediated encounter as well as the opportunity to grow in person-to-person communication and interaction.

       Relationships as Genuine Encounters

      Catholic teaching reveals to us that our understanding of human relationships is (or should be) modeled on the relationship of God within the Holy Trinity – what theologians would describe as a “communion of love” and a “total self-gift” between the Three Persons: Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. As such, a genuine encounter is necessary in order to affirm the God-given dignity of the other and make a gift of oneself, giving and receiving love. I acknowledge your dignity as being made in the image and likeness of God, and I offer myself to you. I also acknowledge my own dignity as someone valuable and worthy of your time and attention. Basically, both persons see themselves as having something of value to give the other, and simultaneously accept what the other offers them. It might help to think of this exchange as a gift. When we give ourselves and receive the gift of others that they present to us, we are involved in a genuine encounter. That ultimately leads us to Christ, as it is Christ who fully reveals us to ourselves. This means that everything — including our relationships — find their meaning and purpose in Him. This is what is at stake when we discuss the difference between a genuine encounter and an encounter mediated by technology, which fails to satisfy the longing of the human heart, whether it be our children’s or our own.

      As we have seen, digital technology has a substantial impact on the psychosocial development of children of all ages, and social media stands between people, often blurring the line between friend and stranger so that the genuine encounter that helps to develop identity is replaced with something less authentically human. Recognizing this, we are ready to explore how broad this impact may be.

       For Reflection

       When, with whom, and how does our family experience the gift of “genuine encounter” with others?

       What are some ways we work to nurture each family member’s individual identity in relation to our family, parish, and community?

       How does our family follow Christ’s teaching to love one another?

      Chapter Three

      Virtually Alone

      A dictionary definition of social media might look something like this: social media — electronic interactions among people in which they create, share, and exchange ideas in virtual communities and networks.

      “Virtual communities” is a key element in this definition — by nature these can be, and often are, far-flung “communities.” While they might be united around a shared interest, the relationships are mediated electronically and can lack the context typically found in more “local” or face-to-face relationships. As Thoreau pointed out when he wondered whether, with the advent of the telegraph, Texas and Maine would actually have anything to say to each other, information without context loses some of its value.

      Social media allow us to easily send an unparalleled amount of information to people who may (or may not) be particularly interested in that information or have the background to understand it. In turn, we can receive an equally vast amount of information that we may (or may not) find fascinating.

      The odds are pretty good that you’ve seen, or at least heard of, all the major social media sites. Facebook is currently the most popular, with more than 2 billion active monthly users, including more than 1.33 billion people who use the site daily. Facebook is a personalized web page that allows users to stay in touch with friends, relatives, and other acquaintances wherever they are in the world as long as there is an internet connection. YouTube is another popular site and allows users to post favorite music videos, video diaries, hilariously ill-conceived karaoke attempts, and more user-generated content than you could view — or want to view — in a lifetime. Twitter is a microblog that limits a user to 280 characters per “tweet.” Tumblr is also a microblog, though less popular currently than Twitter. Both of these are used to send tiny bits of text or video outward into cyberspace, making our computers and cell phones something like personal broadcasting stations. Finally, Instagram users typically post pictures and videos for their followers rather than blasts of text. Undoubtedly you’ve heard of all or most of these — and so have your kids. They likely know of more (Snapchat, WhatsApp, and Vine). As an aside, Facebook isn’t a current favorite of kids and teenagers. As I write this, Instagram and Twitter are more popular with younger audiences. There will always be something new, and what’s popular is always in flux.

      It’s important to throw out a few stats at this point. In 2016, Global Web Index reported that the average internet user spent an average of 2.1 hours per day on social networking websites, up from 1.6 hours per day in 2012. This is separate from other internet or computer-based time and reflects visits to social media sites alone. More to the point for our purposes, the report found that sixteen- to twenty-four-year-olds led the charge at 2.67 hours of social media consumption per day. So we’re talking about 105 minutes of time for the average user, and 160-plus minutes for the sixteen- to twenty-four-year-old group. Every day. Talking to people they may or may not know.

      Reflect on this for a minute. Do you know the people you interact with on social media? If you have a Facebook account, have you seen/met/shaken hands with/hugged every one of your “friends?” If not, can you truly call them friends? What do we mean by friends? Friendship, as described by Alice von Hildebrand in her article “Canons of Friendship,” is more than simply enjoying the presence of another or exchanging ideas. Friendship is about the concern we have for another, our willingness to help others during times of need. In friendship we care about and love others simply because they are who they are, and we want to act on our love. Here’s another way to look at it: How many of your Facebook friends would you be willing to help move?

       Levels of Communication

      So what? So we spend all this time on social media. So we might not know everybody on our contacts list. Is this a problem? Well, it could be. Let’s take a few steps back and talk about how we, as people, communicate.