Why Is Jesus in the Microwave? Funny Stories from Catholic Classrooms. Mary Kathleen Glavich, SND

      “The cope,” Father prompted.

      The boy walked over to the cope, picked it up, and wrapped it around his own shoulders.

       A Lesson That Got Home

      Mr. and Mrs. Brown took turns driving the sisters to teach CCD on Saturdays. One morning Mrs. Brown told this story:

      She and Mr. Brown were having a discussion. At one point, the conversation was becoming a little heated. Suddenly, little Suzie, who had recently made her First Confession, interrupted.

      “Daddy,” she said, “now you apologize to Mommy!”

      Quite taken aback, Mr. Brown asked, “Why?”

      Suzie explained, “Because you started an argument with Mommy.”

      Mr. Brown then apologized. But little Suzie was not going to let her father off so easily. In a serious tone she continued, “Daddy, you know it’s not enough to just say you’re sorry. You have to try really hard never to do it again.”

      “That does it,” said Mr. Brown. “Next week the sisters walk to school!”

       According to Hoyle

      The confirmandi had been told that during the ceremony they were to hand their name cards to the priest next to the bishop and he would return them. The first child stood before the bishop and was solemnly confirmed, but the assisting priest failed to return his card. Determined to follow the rubrics, the lad informed the priest and everyone within hearing, “But Sister said you should give it back to me.”

       Smart Girl

      Sister Marthe overheard some children acting out a wedding. The priest asked the bride, “Do you take him for better or worse?”

      “For better,” the little girl said quickly.

      The priest continued, “For richer or poorer?”

      “For richer,” stated the miniature bride.

       Giving Credit Where Credit’s Due

      Three-year-old Jonathan came in to talk to Sister Joann, while his father, another teacher, was working in his classroom. Jonathan confessed to Sister that right before they came, he had not obeyed his parents. They were very angry and were going to spank him, but they didn’t.

      “My, you were lucky!” Sister commented.

      “Lucky! Not lucky! I was blessed!” Jonathan immediately corrected.

       A Mystery

      The fourth-graders were reviewing the mysteries of the Rosary. When they got to the sorrowful mysteries, Sister called on a child to name the fourth mystery. He responded, “The scorching at the pillar.”

       5. Prayer

      “OK, Sister, I’m ready to say my night prayers for you.”

       Sneaking Up on Jesus

      A teacher en route to church with her small students reminded them to walk quietly so that they wouldn’t disturb other classes. She urged, “Try to be so quiet that even Jesus won’t know we’re coming.”

      The children obeyed conscientiously. They tiptoed to the church, and one child quietly opened the door. As the first little ones entered the church, suddenly a little girl gleefully shouted, “Surprise!”

       First-Century Planes

      The school was assembled in the gym for the Stations of the Cross. A special microphone system had been set up. Everyone was finally in place and hushed, waiting for the Lenten devotion to begin. A first-grader was the first one to the microphone. In a strong voice he announced, “The First Station, the pilot said Jesus must die!”

       Heaven’s Housing Policy

      Sister Laurann was proud that she had taught her young students to begin the day with petitions for the world’s needs. She doubted her success, however, when one morning a lad earnestly prayed, “That God will change his mind about letting dogs go to heaven, let us pray to the Lord.”

       Divine Affirmation

      During the first-graders’ religion class, Sister Ann invited, “Now let’s close our eyes and listen to what God is saying to us.”

      It was very quiet as the children prayed silently. After a short time, Sister asked, “Can anyone tell us what God said to them?”

      One hand went up, and a small boy reported, “Kevin, you’re my best invention.”

       Semi-Contrition

      A second-grader preparing for First Reconciliation was practicing the Act of Contrition. He began, “O my God, I am partly sorry….”

       A Mystified Pray-er

      The senior class was on retreat at the sisters’ provincial center. The retreat director encouraged them to spend as much time as possible in the chapel.

      Later, one girl reported to the principal that she had a hard time praying. She said, “After a while I ran out of things to say. But every time I went back to the chapel, the same little old sisters were there. What could they find to say after praying for so many years?”

       A Happy Ending

      When November 2 came along, the second-graders learned about the poor souls in purgatory. At least one child remembered the lesson — at least partially. A few days later during the morning prayers of petition, Andrea prayed, “For the repose of the soul of my uncle. He was killed in a car accident but is doing much better now.”

       Rote Prayers

      Despite the school rule that no children may enter the building during recess, one day two young girls appeared at the principal’s office very excited. They announced, “Sister Regina, we saw the Blessed Virgin above the garages.”

      “Is that so? Did you tell the teacher out there?” Sister asked.

      “Yes,” the girls shook their heads. “She saw Mary too.”

      Deciding that this needed to be investigated, Sister Regina went outside and walked over to the teacher.

      “Yes,” the teacher confirmed, “some clouds were in the shape of the Blessed Virgin.”

      Turning to the two girls, Sister Regina asked, “What did you do when you saw Mary?”

      “Well,” one girl replied, “we said our First Communion prayers, then we prayed a Hail Mary, and then we said the Pledge of Allegiance to the Flag.”

       A Fan

      In the school chapel there was a book in which the students recorded petitions. To the amusement of the faculty, one petition read, “That Sister Mary Judith Ann may continue to teach.”

       The Lord’s Sabbath

      The students were writing acrostic prayers to God based on their names. Each letter in their name began a phrase of their prayer. Maurene’s prayer was quite unusual. For one E in her name she had written, “Eternal rest grant unto you, O Lord.”

       A Parent’s Prank?

      Sister Thomasin told her third-graders that for homework they were to bring to school pictures of people they should pray for. To her surprise, one student came with a picture of Lady Godiva.

       Greeting Gabriel

      Sister