Stop Checking Your Likes. Susie Moore

anything political. I didn’t know the difference between Congress and the Senate (shh...I still kinda don’t). And DC media buyers were obsessed with “voter file data” and specific “swing-state high-female-ratio targets” so, naturally, I didn’t have a clue what they were talking about. I had to understand how it all worked, fast. But the truth is, I got the basics down, and that was enough. In fact, I consistently find that the basics are more than enough in a lot of cases. If you’re an unshakable optimist and forge ahead undisappointed by rejection, then look out, world!

      I know this sounds overly simple, but that’s the magic of it — it really is that simple. Think about it. Aren’t the best and most wonderful things in life pretty (deceptively sometimes, even) simple? We make it all harder than it has to be. My goal was to book $500,000 in ad revenue, and I left come November with nearly $3,000,000. I credit this huge win to focusing on what I did have: a strong work ethic, a healthy tolerance for rejection (more on that to come later!), and a ton of optimism. This was opposed to focusing on what I didn’t have: any connections in DC, an understanding of US politics, or a bachelor’s degree in government (or in anything for that matter). I wasn’t even a US citizen who could vote. This was my first time in this market. I had no reason to succeed apart from a belief that I could. And I understood that not knowing what to do doesn’t have to stop you from doing it anyway.

      Reaching, and even surpassing, my goal (and earning a big bonus as well — another lesson learned: always ask for what feels fair) showed me what you can do in a short amount of time with massive application and belief. And get this: the biggest deal I closed was due to an off-chance tip from a new connection I’d made.

      It came in the form of a last-minute meeting, on my way back to New York, with a small firm I hadn’t heard of before. I almost didn’t make it because I was worried I’d miss my train. But for some reason, I felt called to go. This wasn’t one of the meetings I had worked so hard to secure; it came my way easily. I felt it was a little universal back pat and blessing, a reward for my dedication. When you get busy, the universe — much of the time unpredictably but with more fervor than you can imagine — meets you halfway and overdelivers. I’ve heard endless stories like this. Those with a bias toward action win. But this I know for sure: so often, we don’t give the universe the opportunity to meet us on the road. We give up too soon. We think that other people know what they’re doing and that we don’t — and that’s a lie. No one knows. Success and failure are on the same road; success is just further down that road. And the road has no finish line. But did you find a cozy bench to rest on a few miles in somewhere, kicking off your shoes and enjoying a mini Pringles pack? To people-watch instead of powering on? It’s okay. We’ve all done it. The road doesn’t disappear. Your sneakers have endless mileage in them. You can slip ’em back on in a second. There’ll be plenty of Pringles in your future, too. And from an even prettier vantage point.

      The fact is that no one can give you any power. You’re already powerful. You just need to recognize it and claim it like an enthusiastic bingo winner: “Me, me! Over here, over here!” I felt that way when I went on to become the resident life coach at one of the biggest millennial-focused health and wellness websites in the world without any formal coaching certification. I also felt that way as one of the top salespeople in my advertising career, despite not being a “techy” person or even college educated like some of my Ivy League peers (I’d just smile and nod when techy terms were thrown around in meetings).

       DIRECT MESSAGE

      If there’s one word that’ll help you live a more successful, joyful, rich life in which you’re naturally magnetic to opportunity, it’s not hustle, strive, focus, persevere, or even believe. It’s relax. Stop worrying so much. Realize how many options lie before you. And then — go for yours! Because as English comedian Ricky Gervais said, “No one else knows what they’re doing, either.” Winners are just willing to not know and still go!

      Yes, even perfectly put-together Rachel with her master’s degree in behavioral marketing and her knowledge of every obscure term in the field doesn’t have it “figured out.” Even though she’s always at the office ten minutes early, has a super smart answer for everything, and seems like she has an extra ten years of experience in the field, I promise you, she doesn’t actually know what she’s doing, either. Because no one does.

      We’re constantly overestimating other people and their level of competence because we can’t see what’s going on in their minds, and we often really overestimate the value of formal education and “credentials” more than resourcefulness, practical knowledge, and the courage to just go for it. We can’t see how little a certificate or even an advanced degree really prepares (or doesn’t prepare) someone for the difficulties of real-world application. Frankly, because only we see our deepest fears, we think life’s easier for other people. Their fears and insecurities are invisible to us. But they exist. They make mistakes, too (funny how the mistakes don’t show up on Facebook or Instagram).

      Impostor Syndrome

      Impostor syndrome is what we experience when we feel we don’t deserve our accomplishments, and it happens to basically everybody who stretches outside their comfort zone. We feel like we’ve fooled others into thinking we’re capable and therefore attribute our achievements to blind luck or good timing. Our inability to accept our gifts means we end up feeling like a fraud or an impostor — and on our worst days, we even feel like we’re waiting to be exposed.

      When I was a kid back in England, visiting one of my friends in a “nice, normal” house, I’d feel like an impostor. Like, if they saw where I lived and what my family was like, they probably wouldn’t want to be friends anymore. Among the “nice, normal” people, I’d feel a bit like a wind-up doll: Smile! Be cheerful! Say the right things and never forget to be over-the-top with the thank-yous! Don’t screw it up with these nice people!

      Impostor syndrome not only prevents us from enjoying our lives and success, it also massively limits our potential. When someone feels like a fake, they often find themselves turning down wonderful new opportunities and creative ideas. Or sabotaging the success they’ve already had. It’s the killer of many what-might-have-beens. And it’s especially common among high-achieving women. I’m not entirely sure why that is, but I think it’s because men don’t question themselves as much and women are simply socialized to think smaller. As the poet John Greenleaf Whittier said, “For all sad words of tongue and pen, the saddest are these: ‘It might have been.’”

      I mean, can we be open for a sec to acknowledging this universal self-sabotaging cover-up we’re all a part of? It’s hilarious, in a macabre kinda way. We’re so obsessed with telling ourselves that other people have it all together, and pretending to have it all together ourselves, when in reality, nobody has it all together.

      Still not certain? Let’s test it! Think of someone who seems to have it all. Maybe people like Martha Stewart, Oprah Winfrey, and Michelle Obama come to mind.

      Well.

      Martha Stewart went to jail for insider trading. Oprah’s openly struggled with her weight for decades. Michelle Obama felt shame over her miscarriages for years, thinking she was the only one. Celebrities — they’re just like us!

      There’s even some evidence that Winston Churchill’s whole illustrious career was really just an effort to try to please his mother, Jennie, an American socialite. She was fairly neglectful of him when he was a child and adolescent but very approving of and heavily involved in his political career. He loved his mother but could only admire her from a distance, “like a northern star,” he once wrote. Churchill was also very disappointed about not being able to please his father enough. And he was prime minister of the United Kingdom from 1940 to 1945, when he led Britain to victory in the Second World War, and again from 1951 to 1955.

      Hero Inventory

      I dare you to research someone famous you look up to. Go a little deeper than a Wikipedia page — biographies are amazing for this — and I guarantee you’ll find stumbles, lack of confidence, failures, and despair peppering their path.