African Friends and Money Matters, Second Edition. David E. Maranz

Haibucher 1999b:10.

      A final example illustrates an aspect of African ways of doing things which Westerners would never imagine could be a matter of “respect”:

The law of the Luo people states that sons must build their houses in order of seniority. That is, older sons must build before younger sons can build. This is justified by saying that this is a way of showing respect. The law is underpinned by magical powers, which will bring misfortune or a curse should it not be upheld.40

      40 Harries 2000:495, citing Mboya 1938.

Robert Thornton writes of an interesting aspect of respect. Although he writes about South Africa, he states that it applies to Africa in general. All members of a community deserve to be respected, yet this is not derived from a liberal notion of “equality.” Equality in the liberal or Western sense basically refers to “equality of access to the market, to rights, security and to justice.”41 African equality is better thought of as “equivalence,” which represents the value that all members of the community are, in principle, equivalent as human beings and as brothers and sisters. In real life terms, this means to be at one with the community and not think that because of position or other attainment, one is better than another since ultimately all deserve (equivalent) respect, while some are worthy of special respect as long as it does not transgress equivalence. Such an attitude toward others is realistic and healthy in my estimation. It means that although special respect and deference are shown to those in positions of authority or prestige, Africans recognize that all humans are subject to the good and the bad, they have strengths and weaknesses—in a word, no matter who they are, they are just basically human.

      41 Thornton 2005:25.

      It is important to keep in mind that respect should be mutual or two-way. Respect must not only be given, but also received. For foreigners coming from egalitarian societies, this may require some adjustment of attitudes. Richard Dowden, with long experience in Africa at all levels of society, gives some pointers. These apply in business and in personal relations. He writes:

      I learned how to get by without causing offence. That meant, first,

       Avoid confrontation. Tease, joke, cajole, don’t demand or command.

       Don’t always seek a definite resolution of a problem; sometimes it is better to leave things unresolved.

       Don’t expect the truth and don’t blurt it out. Hint at it, work round to it, leave it understood but unspoken.

       Never, never get angry. Anger never works and loses you respect.

       Above all be patient. Everything takes more time in Africa than elsewhere.Good-hearted outsiders, idealists who truly want to help Africa, often find themselves mysteriously impeded by Africa because, in their enthusiasm to get things done, they come across as rude or domineering.42

      42 Dowden 2009:29–30.

      We have discussed respect as an overarching subject somewhat isolated from its social context. Actually, it is very difficult to adequately consider it in isolation. In many ways it is inseparable from social status, hierarchy, deference, authority, power, and more. Besides, each of these concepts is lived out in human interactions that are particular to each of the hundreds of African languages and cultures.

      To underline the fact of great cultural differences across Africa, note how this one concept, respect, can be considered in such a different way from one African culture to another. Thornton describes respect in terms of suffering. (Suffering is a common subject in many African cultures, where it is thought to be essential to human development.)

(Suffering) can be compared with the notion of achievement in liberal democratic politics. It elevates the sufferer to a status of respect in a community of suffering. Those who suffer most achieve respect, while those who manage to transcend their suffering are held to possess special virtue or power (amandla).43

      43 Thornton 2005:26.

      A very different attribute of respect is observed by Mani:

When a young member of the community is addressing an old member of the community, respect is paramount, for it is believed that old people hold immeasurable power in their tongues and when not addressed as appropriately, or are addressed in a disrespectful manner, they can curse someone; people are afraid of curses, as they heighten the already high uncertainty avoidance.44

      44 Mani 2010:4.

      In fact, more than one African society uses the generic phrase “without respect” as a metaphor of bad character.

Respect for age

      It is the duty of children to wait on elders, and not the elders on children.

Kenya proverb45

      45 www.allgreatquotes.com.

Open disagreement with someone who is elderly should be avoided. Any use of harsh words will be especially offensive. Communications and interactions are very sensitive to age and seniority in an organization. Even when a younger person is recognizably more able and competent than an older superior, the younger will still show deference to the older. This keeps the elder from publicly being shamed or losing face, which is a very important consideration. Job security may be jeopardized with open disagreement. Instead of resorting to open disagreement with a person of senior status, sensitivity and subtleties need to be used when expressing differences. Otherwise these may well be interpreted as personal attacks rather than constructive criticism. Prudent subordinate employees will find a tactful means to circumvent a “blockage” created by an incompetent or inattentive superior.46 In extreme cases they will have to wait until the superior is no longer in his position. Of course these dynamics are not limited to Africa. Superiors are everywhere deferred to, but the consideration of age is much more salient in Africa than in the West.

      46 Amoako-Agyei 2011.

Respect and children

      When the child falls the mother weeps; when the mother falls the child laughs.

Rwandan proverb47

      47 www.allgreatquotes.com.

      Better the problem that makes an infant cry than one that makes an adult cry.

Wolof proverb48

      48 Sylla 1978:117.

African children tend to be more quiet and submissive than their Western counterparts who happen to be in Africa. Children should always be polite and respectful in the presence of African adults. They need to be taught to greet guests and visitors in a polite and respectful manner. After greetings ordinarily they may leave. They should not ask questions of adults, but answer them when asked. “Forward” children will be considered disrespectful. Children should not bring out their toys for a guest to look at. Even if African guests bring children with them, the expatriate child should not display too many toys at once. If the African child is from an economically disadvantaged family, not knowing how to use certain toys, or the sheer number of toys may leave a child or their family feeling embarrassed.49

      49 Haibucher 1999a.

One common reaction of children to an accident or a mishap often seems jarring to expats. I have many times seen children in Africa