Crazy Detective. Funny detective. StaVl Zosimov Premudroslovsky

what will we look for? What needs to be found to send us to America?

      – We will look for the nose…

      – Whose nose? – Harutun did not understand.

      Ottila climbed onto the table and walked to the other side, closer to the Corporal. He sat down and dangled his legs, chatted with them.

      – Well, in a nutshell.. – he began in a half voice.

      – And what, in a whisper then?

      – Nerd, competition. This case can be taken away by the Feds.

      – Ahhh! I realized the cartridge.

      – So then, the sleeve. Heh, cool! I am a “cartridge”, and you are a “sleeve”. And the cartridge is put into the sleeve. Hahaha Is funny

      – No. They put a bullet into the cartridge.

      – What, smart? And you know that in our country everyone is smart – poor and poor. Do you want to make a difference? Then listen, I won’t explain twice. A holy place is never empty. And your place, not just the Holy.. Do you know how many unemployed people in our village want to fuck you to take your free place?

      Harutun hatched his eyes out of fear and shed tears of senility.

      – Sorry, cartridge, not a bullet is inserted into the sleeve, but a cartridge.

      – Well, then hear, how much, I will explain in a nutshell: Eeee… did you read Gogol?

      – He drank a mogul.

      – Are you kidding me?

      – It was humor. I watched films with his participation.

      – That’s good. Did you watch a movie about NOS?

      – About whose nose?

      – Well, not about yours? … – Ottila jumped off the table, – Humor again?

      – Mnn, yes! – the old man stood up at attention. Ottila looked at the corporal’s groin and, with bulging eyes, raised his head, throwing his head to the end and saw only a sleepy plexus.

      – Sit fucking!! he yelled. The corporal sat in a starting position.

      – I remembered. The cartridge… this is where the man lost his nose…

      – Remembered?

      – Yes sir!!

      – So we will look for him. Himself … – And Ottila poked a finger at the ceiling. – asked me for half a day. He very much requested that I myself personally take up this matter. So to speak, took personal control.

      – The God?

      – No, you fool, Marshal. Nuuu, our god. He said that there is no one worthier … – Ottila jumped to her knees, standing subordinate and took control of the situation.

      – And how will we look for him. This is a story?! Moreover, they died.

      – Who are they?

      – Well, these, the main characters died long ago… and Gogol is the main witness, the same… well, dead.?! This is not humor.. Ahhh?

      – Fool. – The bug jumped from the lap of Incephalopath. – We will look for a monument on a copper board that was stolen. Either homeless people or crooks. All the same, a monument to NOSU, and maybe… antiques.!?

      – And who will stay here?

      – Isolde and Izzy for the main.

      – Is he still small?

      – Not even small, I already knew a woman in his years.

      – For this, a lot of mind is not necessary: put it, spat and went…

      – How to know, how to know…

      – No, patron, I could stay, my heart is weak…

      – Nothing, here in St. Petersburg you will breathe gases and ease.

      Harutun would also like to say something to stay with Klop’s wife, but he became thoughtful and looked away at the crawling two-tail on his knee and pressed the insect into the fabric of his trousers with his thumb.

      – What did you want to blurt out? – sarcastically, squinting his eyes, asked Ottila.

      – I do not have money or medicine.

      – Well, that is solvable. Everything pays the budget. If we find the nose.

      – And if we do not find it?

      – And if we do not find it, then all expenses will be deducted… from you.

      – How so?

      – And like this. If you still ask stupid questions, you can lose your job. Got it?

      – That’s right, understood. When are we going?

      – Stupid question. We should already be there. Let’s go now!

      – Why so soon? I didn’t pack my suitcase?

      – We must always keep it ready. You knew where you were getting a job… By the way, the same thing…

      – What?

      – I did not pack my suitcase. Yes, we do not need them. Upon arrival, buy what you need. I have a bank card.

      – And if there is not enough money?

      – He will throw. – and again the district policeman poked a finger at the ceiling and in a pygmy style jumped, using somersaults, onto the table, waving a foot in front of the colleague’s nose. He got to his feet and crossed the table on foot in the direction from Arutun to his chair. Tears and headed for the exit.

      – Why are you sitting? go! – and waved his hand, – and, as if along along St. Petersburg, swept over the Earth…

      They left the stronghold, leaving only a note in chalk on the door:

      “Do not worry. We left on an urgent assignment to St. Petersburg. You stay in the place of Incephalate, and Izya – instead of me.. Me!”

      And at the bottom is the addition in another handwriting:

      “Sorry, Pupsik, I’ll be back as I have to! While your Flea is walking up. Wait for me and I’ll be back. Maybe one…”

      Izya read the note and, writing on the sheet in the handwriting of his father and Intsefalopat, hid it in his pocket and wiped the inscription from the door.

      – Well, old goat, you got it. – I took my mobile phone and sent SMS to my father. Then he went into the house and gave the note to his mother. She read and shrugged.

      Let him ride. We will replace it. And not a word about the continuation of the father. Got it?

      – Of course, mother, I understand… And let’s take the pig from the headmaster, ahh? he suggested.

      – What are you? We must do everything according to the charter and justice.

      – And he yells at me in fairness?

      – He is the director. He knows better. And he himself will be justified before God.

      – Is that the one hanging on the wall in the office?

      – Nearly. There hangs Iron Felix, his deputy. Okay, go do your homework.

      – I did. Mom, can I go for a walk on the river?

      – Go, but remember, puppy: drown, don’t come home. I’ll kill you… Got it?

      – Yes. – Izzy shouted and disappeared behind the door…

      Apulase THIRD

      – No, patron, I could stay, my heart is weak…

      – Nothing,