NLP Workbook: A practical guide to achieving the results you want. Joseph O’Connor

only a rumour until you embody it and do something with it. These are exercises for everyday life. They are not a regimented formula – they don’t have to be completed before you can read the next page – and I would be kidding myself if I expected everyone to do them all. They are suggestions. Take the ones that you like and that work for you.

      You may want to use this book more creatively, for example like the Chinese divination book the I Ching. When you have a problem and would appreciate some advice, open the book at random and read a page. How might it apply? There is bound to be some application, as both the problem and the meaning you take from what you read come from the same place – your mind.

      Above all, be curious. This book is about the endlessly fascinating webs of our experience. Some days are wonderful. We can do no wrong and neither can anyone else. Other days are awful. Everyone seems to conspire to thwart us and we can do nothing right. If we tried to fall over, the odds are we would miss the floor. How does this all happen? NLP can begin to tell you how and even a little of why. Then perhaps you can make your way through each day with a little more choice, a little less burdened by the excess baggage of old limitations.

CHAPTER 1

      

WHAT IS NLP?

First things first. What is NLP? But this is a trick question. You cannot pin NLP down to a single definition. There are many explanations of NLP, each like a beam of light shining from a different angle, picking out the whole shape and shadow of the subject.

      NLP studies brilliance and quality – how outstanding individuals and organizations get their outstanding results. The methods can be taught to others so they too can get the same class of results. This process is called ‘modelling’.

      In order to model, NLP studies how we structure our subjective experience – how we think about our values and beliefs and how we create our emotional states – and how we construct our internal world from our experience and give it meaning. No event has meaning in itself, we give it meaning, and different people may give the same event different meanings. So, NLP studies experience from the inside.

      NLP began by studying the best communicators and has evolved into the systemic study of human communication. It has grown by adding practical tools and methods generated by modelling exceptional people. These tools are used internationally in sports, business, training, sales, law and education. However, NLP is more than just a collection of techniques. It is also a way of thinking, a frame of mind based on curiosity, exploration and fun.

      The name ‘Neuro-Linguistic Programming’ comes from the three areas it brings together:

N	Neurology	The mind and how we think.
L	Linguistics	How we use language and how it affects us.
P	Programming	How we sequence our actions to achieve our goals.

      Here are some definitions of NLP. Put them all together and they give a good idea of the field.

      

‘NLP is the study of the structure of subjective experience.’

      

‘NLP is an accelerated learning strategy for the detection and utilization of patterns in the world.’ (John Grinder)

      

‘NLP is the epistemology of returning to what we have lost – a state of grace.’ (John Grinder)

      

‘NLP is whatever works.’ (Robert Dilts)

      

‘NLP is an attitude and a methodology, which leave behind a trail of techniques.’ (Richard Bandler)

      

‘NLP is the influence of language on our mind and subsequent behaviour.’

      

‘NLP is the systemic study of human communication.’ (Alix Von Uhde)

      

‘NLP is the method for modelling excellence so it can be duplicated.’

      And now for two stories – always a richer source of ideas than a straight definition…

       A boy asked his mother, ‘What’s NLP?’

       His mother said, ‘I will tell you in a moment, but first you have to do something so you can understand. See your granddad over there in his chair?’

       ‘Yep,’ said the boy.

       ‘Go and ask him how his arthritis is today.’

       The boy went over to his grandfather. ‘Granddad,’ he said, ‘how’s your arthritis today?’

       ‘Oh, it’s a bit bad, son,’ replied the old man. ‘It’s always worse in damp weather. I can hardly move my fingers today.’ A look of pain crossed his face.

       The boy went back to his mother. ‘He said it was bad. I think it hurts him. Are you going to tell me what NLP is now?’

       ‘In a minute, I promise,’ replied his mother. ‘Now go over and ask Granddad what was the funniest thing that you did when you were very young.’

       The boy went over to his grandfather. ‘Granddad,’ he began, ‘what’s the funniest thing I ever did when I was very young?’

       The old man’s face lit up. ‘Oh,’ he smiled, ‘there were lots of things. There was the time when you and your friend played Father Christmas and sprinkled talcum powder all over the bathroom pretending it was snow. I laughed – but I didn’t have to clean it up.’ He stared into the distance with a smile.

       ‘Then there was the time I took you out for a walk. It was a lovely day and you were singing a nursery rhyme you had just learned. Loudly. A man went past and gave you a nasty look. He thought you were being too noisy. He asked me to tell you to be quiet. You turned round and said to him, “If you don’t like me singing, you can go and boil your head.” And carried on even louder. . .’ The old man chuckled.

       The boy went back to his mother. ‘Did you hear what Granddad said?’ he asked.

       ‘Yes,’ his mother replied. You changed how he felt with a few words. That’s NLP’.

       A wise man rode into a desert village one evening as the sun was setting. Dismounting from his camel, he asked one of the villagers for a drink of water.

       ‘Of course,’ said the villager and gave him a cup of water.

       The traveller drank the whole cupful. ‘Thank you,’ he said. ‘Can I help you at all before I travel on?’

       ‘Yes,’ said the young man. ‘We have a dispute in our family. I am the youngest of three brothers. Our father died recently, God rest his soul, and all he possessed was a small herd of camels. Seventeen, to be exact. He decreed