Tantric Secrets: 7 Steps to the best sex of your life. Cassandra Lorius

of love between you and your partner. By practising breath meditation, you can let energy radiate from your breath and animate your body; when you make love, you can feel intensely in the moment.

       Sit with your legs crossed loosely in easy pose, with one leg in front of the other. Sense your relaxed body. Summon up a sense of wonder at the miracle of being alive. Breathe fully, right down into your abdomen. This expands your lung capacity, and slows down the rate of your breathing.

       Pause for a moment or two before you inhale, and before exhaling. Then lengthen the holding-in stage of your breath, as well as the exhalation, so that you inhale for a count of one, hold for four, and exhale for two.

       Pay attention to each out-breath and fully relax on each one. Let go. The in-breath will take care of itself.

      When you have mastered this technique, you can use it in all the meditations in this book. You can progress your practice by focusing your inner eye on visualization to encourage the natural movement of energy through your body.

       Get centred

      Grounding, or centring yourself is a basic technique that deepens your sense of being; it helps you to feel connected and complete. When you are with your partner you can be self-contained, but also open to share your energy; in Tantra, this is a building block for intimacy. Grounding is also recommended as a relaxation technique after dynamic freestyle dancing; learn how to move from a state of high energy into this blissful, centring meditation.

       Stand with your feet hip-distance apart and your knees slightly bent, with your back straight. This helps align your spine so that energy can move through your body more easily.

       Close your eyes and focus your attention on your breathing. Be aware of your inhalation and exhalation, without trying to control it. Observe it for a few minutes. You will probably notice that your breathing calms down and becomes longer and more even just by paying attention to it.

       Inhale, and imagine that your breath is travelling down to the base of your spine, right to your tailbone. As you exhale, imagine it moving back up your spine to exit through your lungs.

       Imagine that you are a new tree growing roots. Visualize these conduits of energy reaching deep down into the earth. As you breathe in and out, your roots are expanding, growing, reaching through the layers of earth. With each out-breath, let your roots penetrate even deeper as if they are striving to touch the centre of the earth. This symbolizes your connection to the earth as a source of energy. Feel this vital energy pouring into you through your roots.

       As you continue to breathe, draw this nurturing source of life and energy up your spine so that it can permeate your body. Keep breathing and drawing this energy up through the soles of your feet, creating a sense of solidity and groundedness.

       Then draw that energy up into your pelvis and torso and into your lungs and chest, allowing your lungs to expand fully.

       Breathe in, drawing that energy into the centre of your chest, in the area of your heart. Feel your heart expand with your breath, and fill with energy for life and love.

       Fill your head with energy. Imagine that you are growing branches of energy that touch the sky from the crown of your head. Feel these vital conduits reach into space, the realm of the infinite and of the spirit.

       Feel a sense of infinite possibility. Mentally bring down this sense of expansion and spaciousness through the branches in the sky and into the crown at the top of your head. Then bring this sensation into your chest; let your heart feel soothed. Imagine the spaciousness of the heavens mingling with the grounding energy of the earth in your heart. See your heart as the centre of convergence whose roots connect with the earth, and whose branches connect with heaven. You are a bridge between the two.

       Ground yourself in nature

      Start with this simple visualization exercise to learn how to take in energy from outside in order to balance your own internal energy. When you feel more connected to the earth – literally grounded – you are better able to remain yourself while in the energy field of others. This helps you to maintain your self-esteem and internal balance.

       Imagine yourself in a favourite landscape. If you feel most at peace in woodlands, mountains or meadows, imagine yourself there. In your mind’s eye, picture the landscape, the rocks and trees, foliage and flowers. If the seaside gives you most energy, visualize yourself on a shore, feet in the sand, gazing at the ocean. Go inside yourself and commune with nature. Feel connected and nourished by what is around you.

       Relax and feel the environment holding you. You are resting in the waves of the ocean, or the leaves and grasses all around you.

       Absorb the goodness and strength of nature. Imagine that everything around you gives you energy and light.

      On finding stillness

      Meditation masters say that you don’t need to do anything in order to find stillness; you simply cease your activity to stop doing and start being. Yet it can be difficult to find stillness, because we need to learn to quiet the incessant chatter of our minds. Our minds are often charged and over-stimulated; our normal state of mind is restless, chaotic and overrun with myriad thoughts that push and pull us in different directions.

      Sages hold that thoughts are a distraction from your true self, and this sense of authenticity can only emerge in the gaps between thoughts – the time when your thoughts are not there to claim your attention. This is the authentic self, an inherent quality of presence that is not defined by what we do or our identity labels. It is a quality of consciousness that is open, responsive and vibrant.

      When you let go of your mind, you also let go of your ego. Your ego is the idea you have of yourself that is made up of your thoughts about yourself. These are usually negative thoughts and create what psychologists call a ‘false’ self – an idea of yourself that is not based on the reality of who you are. Your authentic nature is a state of being experienced in meditation, in lovemaking, in peak experiences where you feel moved into a realm of ecstasy. These are all times when you transcend a limited idea of who you are and what you are capable of experiencing. By shifting your focus to clear and still your mind, you make way for your own ecstasy.

       Shift your focus, clear your mind

      The most important thing to do in order to experience a different state of being is to stop thinking and allow yourself to be entirely in the present, not the future. You can transform your experience of anything by shifting the focus of your attention. By mastering this technique, you get more out of everything that you do. During lovemaking, you can experience more intense pleasure by simply choosing to focus on your pleasure.

       You can use any mundane activity as a meditation. While you’re walking to work, focus on enjoying every step of the way. Rather than mentally plan all the things you have to do, absorb the detail of what’s around you.

       At home, apply this approach to the tasks you loathe. Enjoy the sensory experience of washing up; slow it down, watch the bubbles, trace the water.

       Choose one focus for your mind. Channel all its powers into a single point, such as gazing at a flower. Let looking absorb all your mental energy. Keep practising this until you can hold the object in your mind’s eye, unwavering, for at least five minutes. When you have mastered this you can try sitting in meditation in front of a flickering candle flame, or just focus on the slow inhalation and exhalation of your breath.

       Witness your thoughts

      Sitting quietly and watching your thoughts is the first step to developing some degree of detachment from them. It is your thoughts that create a screen composed of preconceptions, judgments and