Dancing on Coffins. Black comedy. Yan Bratovich

asap!

      CHRISTIAN

      Ok.

      Christian dials 911 on his cell phone.

      JULIA SHWEETNER

      I thought today was a perfect day, until now.

      CHRISTIAN

      Don’t worry. There was nobody in shop at this hour. Hello! Emergency? There’s a supermarket on fire! The address is…

      Julie bites her lower lips as she looks at the burning building.

      INT. ITALIAN RESTAURANT – DAY

      Julia and Christian sit by a window. Julia is dressed in a long red dress, Christian in a black suit and violet shirt. We see dishes, wine and a big bouquet of red, pink and yellow roses on the table. Sweet music plays in the background.

      Julia plays with the flowers as she speaks.

      JULIA SHWEETNER

      Christian, you have an amazing sense of beauty. You put these together like a florist. They match my dress, the restaurant décor, just everything.

      CHRISTIAN

      With you, I see beauty of each color. You are my purpose and my award.

      JULIA SHWEETNER

      How did I get so lucky? Sometime I feel like I don’t deserve a man like you – that men like you don’t really exist.

      Julia looks down at the flowers and smiles modestly.

      CHRISTIAN

      Believe me, I am not ideal. I often doubt myself. I have doubts about myself too sweetheart. Buy do you know why I gain more from being with you than you do with me?

      JULIA SHWEETNER

      Why?

      CHRISTIAN

      My boss. Employees with girlfriend’s or wife’s do better in the office and run less risk of getting fired.

      JULIA SHWEETNER

      (laughing)

      Are you joking?

      Christian laughs.

      CHRISTIAN

      I swear! My boss is a stickler about those things. He thinks that single people are unfortunate souls, or maniacs, and he favors employees with a partner.

      JULIA SHWEETNER

      (Laughs)

      Oh my God! Christian! I’m like your work insurance!

      CHRISTIAN

      Nice insurance too!

      Christian shoots Julia a loving look.

      CHRISTIAN

      Close your eyes.

      JULIA SHWEETNER

      What for?

      CHRISTIAN

      Close them. It’s a surprise.

      Julia closes her eyes. Christian pulls out a gold bracelet from his pocket and clasps it on her hand.

      CHRISTIAN

      Open.

      Julia opens her eyes and sees the bracelet on her wrist.

      JULIA SHWEETNER

      Oh my goodness! Christian! A gold bracelet! What a gesture!

      CHRISTIAN

      Well, it is out anniversary remember?

      Julia kisses him.

      JULIA SHWEETNER

      I’m shocked. I have no words!

      EXT. MINNEAPOLIS – THE CROSSROADS – DAY

      Across from the Italian Restaurant we see the gang clearing the area around them of people, scaring children and security guards away.

      HAROLD HOFFMAN

      Ok boys have a look at that screen up there, we should be going live in a few minutes. I’ve paid good money for this!

      They look up at the huge digital advertising screen. They look to it in anticipation.

      Unexpectedly, the screen dies. In a few seconds on a black background we see a bright red inscription “COFFINS”. From each letter, drops of blood flow. The gang shout in excitement.

      HAZONE

      Harry. Look! It’s up!

      Harry looks up to the screen, putting his phone conversation on hold. On the screen there is an inscription:

      You will fit in our coffins best

      Without the diet and the stress

      FUNERAL HOME “HON”