The Complete Works of Shakespeare. William Shakespeare

lord restor’d to health,

      Who for this seven years hath esteemed him

      No better than a poor and loathsome beggar.

      And if the boy have not a woman’s gift

      To rain a shower of commanded tears,

      An onion will do well for such a shift,

      Which in a napkin (being close convey’d)

      Shall in despite enforce a watery eye.

      See this dispatch’d with all the haste thou canst;

      Anon I’ll give thee more instructions.

       Exit a Servingman.

      I know the boy will well usurp the grace,

      Voice, gait, and action of a gentlewoman.

      I long to hear him call the drunkard husband,

      And how my men will stay themselves from laughter

      When they do homage to this simple peasant.

      I’ll in to counsel them; haply my presence

      May well abate the over-merry spleen,

      Which otherwise would grow into extremes.

       [Exeunt.]

       ¶

[Scene II]

       Enter aloft the drunkard [Sly] with Attendants, some with apparel, basin and ewer, and other appurtenances, and Lord.

      Sly. For God’s sake, a pot of small ale.

      1. Serv. Will’t please your [lordship] drink a cup of sack?

      2. Serv. Will’t please your honor taste of these conserves?

      3. Serv. What raiment will your honor wear to-day?

      Sly. I am Christophero Sly, call not me honor nor lordship. I ne’er drank sack in my life; and if you give me any conserves, give me conserves of beef. Ne’er ask me what raiment I’ll wear, for I have no more doublets than backs, no more stockings than legs, nor no more shoes than feet—nay, sometime more feet than shoes, or such shoes as my toes look through the overleather.

       Lord.

      Heaven cease this idle humor in your honor!

      O that a mighty man of such descent,

      Of such possessions, and so high esteem,

      Should be infused with so foul a spirit!

      Sly. What, would you make me mad? Am not I Christopher Sly, old Sly’s son of Burton-heath, by birth a pedlar, by education a card-maker, by transmutation a bear-herd, and now by present profession a tinker? Ask Marian Hacket, the fat ale-wife of Wincot, if she know me not. If she say I am not fourteen pence on the score for sheer ale, score me up for the lying’st knave in Christendom. What! I am not bestraught. Here’s—

      3. Serv. O, this it is that makes your lady mourn!

      2. Serv. O, this is it that makes your servants droop!

       Lord.

      Hence comes it that your kindred shuns your house,

      As beaten hence by your strange lunacy.

      O noble lord, bethink thee of thy birth,

      Call home thy ancient thoughts from banishment,

      And banish hence these abject lowly dreams.

      Look how thy servants do attend on thee,

      Each in his office ready at thy beck.

      Wilt thou have music? Hark, Apollo plays,

       Music.

      And twenty caged nightingales do sing.

      Or wilt thou sleep? We’ll have thee to a couch,

      Softer and sweeter than the lustful bed

      On purpose trimm’d up for Semiramis.

      Say thou wilt walk; we will bestrow the ground.

      Or wilt thou ride? Thy horses shall be trapp’d,

      Their harness studded all with gold and pearl.

      Dost thou love hawking? Thou hast hawks will soar

      Above the morning lark. Or wilt thou hunt?

      Thy hounds shall make the welkin answer them

      And fetch shrill echoes from the hollow earth.

       1. Serv.

      Say thou wilt course, thy greyhounds are as swift

      As breathed stags; ay, fleeter than the roe.

       2. Serv.

      Dost thou love pictures? We will fetch thee straight

      Adonis painted by a running brook,

      And Cytherea all in sedges hid,

      Which seem to move and wanton with her breath,

      Even as the waving sedges play with wind.

       Lord.

      We’ll show thee Io as she was a maid,

      And how she was beguiled and surpris’d,

      As lively painted as the deed was done.

       3. Serv.

      Or Daphne roaming through a thorny wood,

      Scratching her legs that one shall swear she bleeds,

      And at that sight shall sad Apollo weep,

      So workmanly the blood and tears are drawn.

       Lord.

      Thou art a lord, and nothing but a lord.

      Thou hast a lady far more beautiful

      Than any woman in this waning age.

       1. Serv.

      And till the tears that she hath shed for thee

      Like envious floods o’errun her lovely face,

      She was the fairest creature in the world,

      And yet she is inferior to none.

       Sly.

      Am I a lord, and have I such a lady?

      Or do I dream? Or have I dream’d till now?

      I do not sleep: I see, I hear, I speak;

      I smell sweet savors, and I feel soft things.

      Upon my life, I am a lord indeed,

      And not a tinker, nor Christopher Sly.

      Well, bring our lady hither to our sight,

      And once again a pot o’ th’ smallest ale.

       2. Serv.

      Will’t please your mightiness to wash your hands?

      O how we joy to see your wit restor’d!

      O that once more you knew but what you are!

      These fifteen years you have been in a dream,

      Or when you wak’d, so wak’d as if you slept.

       Sly.

      These