The Complete Works. GEORGE BERNARD SHAW

that had the power to make me pay for what they didn’t own. That took the conceit out of me fast enough. But what do you know about such things?”

      “More than you think, perhaps. These are dangerous ideas to take with you into English society.”

      “Hmf!” growled Cashel. “They’d be more dangerous if I could give every man that is robbed of half what he earns twelve lessons — in science.”

      “So you can. Publish your lessons. ‘Twelve lectures on political economy, by Cashel Byron.’ I will help you to publish them, if you wish.”

      “Bless your innocence!” said Cashel: “the sort of political economy I teach can’t be learned from a book.”

      “You have become an enigma again. But yours is not the creed of a simpleton. You are playing with me — revealing your wisdom from beneath a veil of infantile guilelessness. I have no more to say.”

      “May I be shot if I understand you! I never pretended to be guileless. Come: is it because I raised a laugh against your cousin that you’re so spiteful?”

      Lydia looked earnestly and doubtfully at him; and he instinctively put his head back, as if it were in danger. “You do not understand, then?” she said. “I will test the genuineness of your stupidity by an appeal to your obedience.”

      “Stupidity! Go on.”

      “But will you obey me, if I lay a command upon you?”

      “I will go through fire and water for you.”

      Lydia blushed faintly, and paused to wonder at the novel sensation before she resumed. “You had better not apologize to my cousin: partly because you would only make matters worse; chiefly because he does not deserve it. But you must make this speech to Mrs. Hoskyn when you are going: ‘I am very sorry I forgot myself’—”

      “Sounds like Shakespeare, doesn’t it?” observed Cashel.

      “Ah! the test has found you out; you are only acting after all. But that does not alter my opinion that you should apologize.”

      “All right. I don’t know what you mean by testing and acting; and I only hope you know yourself. But no matter; I’ll apologize; a man like me can afford to. I’ll apologize to your cousin, too, if you like.”

      “I do not like. But what has that to do with it? I suggest these things, as you must be aware, for your own sake and not for mine.”

      “As for my own, I don’t care twopence: I do it all for you. I don’t even ask whether there is anything between you and him.”

      “Would you like to know?” said Lydia, deliberately, after a pause of astonishment.

      “Do you mean to say you’ll tell me?” he exclaimed. “If you do, I’ll say you’re as good as gold.”

      “Certainly I will tell you. There is an old friendship and cousinship between us; but we are not engaged, nor at all likely to be. I tell you so because, if I avoided the question, you would draw the opposite and false conclusion.”

      “I am glad of it,” said Cashel, unexpectedly becoming very gloomy. “He isn’t man enough for you. But he’s your equal, damn him!”

      “He is my cousin, and, I believe, my sincere friend. Therefore please do not damn him.”

      “I know I shouldn’t have said that. But I am only damning my own luck.”

      “Which will not improve it in the least.”

      “I know that. You needn’t have said it. I wouldn’t have said a thing like that to you, stupid as I am.”

      “Evidently you suppose me to have meant more than I really did. However, that does not matter. You are still an enigma to me. Had we not better try to hear a little of Madame Szczymplica’s performance?”

      “I’m a pretty plain enigma, I should think,” said Cashel, mournfully. “I would rather have you than any other woman in the world; but you’re too rich and grand for me. If I can’t have the satisfaction of marrying you, I may as well have the satisfaction of saying I’d like to.”

      “Hardly a fair way of approaching the subject,” said Lydia, composedly, but with a play of color again in her cheeks. “Allow me to forbid it unconditionally. I must be plain with you, Mr. Cashel Byron. I do not know what you are or who you are; and I believe you have tried to mystify me on both points—”

      “And you never shall find out either the one or the other, if I can help it,” put in Cashel; “so that we’re in a preciously bad way of coming to a good understanding.”

      “True,” assented Lydia. “I do not make secrets; I do not keep them; and I do not respect them. Your humor clashes with my principle.”

      “You call it a humor!” said Cashel, angrily. “Perhaps you think I am a duke in disguise. If so, you may think better of it. If you had a secret, the discovery of which would cause you to be kicked out of decent society, you would keep it pretty tight. And that through no fault of your own, mind you; but through downright cowardice and prejudice in other people.”

      “There are at least some fears and prejudices common in society that I do not share,” said Lydia, after a moment’s reflection. “Should I ever find out your secret, do not too hastily conclude that you have forfeited my consideration.”

      “You are just the last person on earth by whom I want to be found out. But you’ll find out fast enough. Pshaw!” cried Cashel, with a laugh, “I’m as well known as Trafalgar Square. But I can’t bring myself to tell you; and I hate secrets as much as you do; so let’s drop it and talk about something else.”

      “We have talked long enough. The music is over, and the people will return to this room presently, perhaps to ask me who and what is the stranger who made them such a remarkable speech.”

      “Just a word. Promise me that you won’t ask any of THEM that.”

      “Promise you! No. I cannot promise that.”

      “Oh, Lord!” said Cashel, with a groan.

      “I have told you that I do not respect secrets. For the present I will not ask; but I may change my mind. Meanwhile we must not hold long conversations. I even hope that we shall not meet. There is only one thing that I am too rich and grand for. That one thing — mystification. Adieu.”

      Before he could reply she was away from him in the midst of a number of gentlemen, and in conversation with one of them. Cashel seemed overwhelmed. But in an instant he recovered himself, and stepped jauntily before Mrs. Hoskyn, who had just come into his neighborhood.

      “I’m going, ma’am,” he said. “Thank you for a pleasant evening — I’m very sorry I forgot myself. Goodnight.”

      Mrs. Hoskyn, naturally frank, felt some vague response within herself to this address. But, though not usually at a loss for words in social emergencies, she only looked at him, blushed slightly, and offered her hand. He took it as if it were a tiny baby’s hand and he afraid of hurting it, gave it a little pinch, and turned to go. Mr. Adrian Herbert, the painter, was directly in his way, with his back towards him.

      “If YOU please, sir,” said Cashel, taking him gently by the ribs, and moving him aside. The artist turned indignantly, but Cashel was passing the doorway. On the stairs he met Lucian and Alice, and stopped a moment to take leave of them.

      “Goodnight, Miss Goff,” he said. “It’s a pleasure to see the country roses in your cheeks.” He lowered his voice as he added, to Lucian, “Don’t you worry yourself over that little trick I showed you. If any of your friends chafe you about it, tell them that it was Cashel Byron did it, and ask them whether they think they could have helped themselves any better than you could. Don’t ever let a person come within distance of you while you’re standing in that silly way on both your heels. Why, if a man isn’t properly planted on his pins, a broom-handle falling against him will upset him.