Plays: Lady Frederick, The Explorer, A Man of Honour. W. Somerset Maugham

Servant comes in.]

      Servant.

      Madame Claude wishes to see your ladyship.

      Lady Frederick.

      Oh, my dressmaker.

      Fouldes.

      Another bill?

      Lady Frederick.

      That's the worst of Monte. One meets as many creditors as in Bond Street. Say I'm engaged.

      Servant.

      Madame Claude says she will wait till miladi is free.

      Fouldes.

      You make a mistake. One should always be polite to people whose bills one can't pay.

      Lady Frederick.

      Show her in.

      Servant.

      Yes, miladi.

      [Exit Servant.

      Fouldes.

      Is it a big one?

      Lady Frederick.

      Oh, no; only seven hundred pounds.

      Fouldes.

      By Jove.

      Lady Frederick.

      My dear friend, one must dress. I can't go about in fig-leaves.

      Fouldes.

      One can dress simply.

      Lady Frederick.

      I do. That's why it costs so much.

      Fouldes.

      You know, you're devilish extravagant.

      Lady Frederick.

      I'm not. I'm content with the barest necessities of existence.

      Fouldes.

      You've got a maid.

      Lady Frederick.

      Of course I've got a maid. I was never taught to dress myself.

      Fouldes.

      And you've got a footman.

      Lady Frederick.

      I've always had a footman. And my mother always had a footman. I couldn't live a day without him.

      Fouldes.

      What does he do for you?

      Lady Frederick.

      He inspires confidence in tradesmen.

      Fouldes.

      And you have the most expensive suite of rooms in the hotel.

      Lady Frederick.

      I'm in such a dreadful mess. If I hadn't got nice rooms I should brood over it.

      Fouldes.

      Then, as if that weren't enough, you fling your money away at the tables.

      Lady Frederick.

      When you're as poor as I am, a few louis more or less can make absolutely no difference.

      Fouldes.

      [With a laugh.] You're quite incorrigible.

      Lady Frederick.

      It's really not my fault. I do try to be economical, but money slips through my fingers like water. I can't help it.

      Fouldes.

      You want a sensible sort of a man to look after you.

      Lady Frederick.

      I want a very rich sort of a man to look after me.

      Fouldes.

      If you were my wife, I should advertise in the papers that I wasn't responsible for your debts.

      Lady Frederick.

      If you were my husband, I'd advertise immediately underneath that I wasn't responsible for your manners.

      Fouldes.

      I wonder why you're so reckless.

      Lady Frederick.

      When my husband was alive I was so utterly wretched. And afterwards, when I looked forward to a little happiness, my boy died. Then I didn't care any more. I did everything I could to stupefy myself. I squandered money as other women take morphia—that's all.

      Fouldes.

      It's the same dear scatter-brained, good-hearted Betsy that I used to know.

      Lady Frederick.

      You're the only person who calls me Betsy now. To all the others I'm only Elizabeth.

      Fouldes.

      Look here, what are you going to do with this dressmaker?

      Lady Frederick.

      I don't know. I always trust to the inspiration of the moment.

      Fouldes.

      She'll make a devil of a fuss, won't she?

      Lady Frederick.

      Oh, no; I shall be quite nice to her.

      Fouldes.

      I daresay. But won't she be very disagreeable to you?

      Lady Frederick.

      You don't know what a way I have with my creditors.

      Fouldes.

      I know it's not a paying way.

      Lady Frederick.

      Isn't it? I bet you a hundred louis that I offer her the money and she refuses it.

      Fouldes.

      I'll take that.

      Lady Frederick.

      Here she is.

      [Madame Claude enters, ushered in by the Servant. She is a stout, genteel person, very splendidly gowned, with a Cockney accent. Her face is set to sternness, decision to make a scene, and general sourness.

      Servant.

      Madame Claude.

      [Exit Servant. Lady Frederick goes up to her enthusiastically and takes both her hands.

      Lady Frederick.

      Best of women. This is a joyful surprise.

      Madame Claude.

      [Drawing herself up.] I 'eard quite by chance that your ladyship was at Monte.

      Lady Frederick.

      So you came to see me at once. That was nice of you. You're the very person I wanted to see.

      Madame Claude.

      [Significantly.] I'm glad of that, my lady, I must confess.

      Lady Frederick.

      You dear creature. That's one advantage of Monte Carlo, one meets all one's friends. Do you know Mr. Fouldes? This is Madame Claude, an artist, my dear Paradine, a real artist.

      Madame Claude.

      [Grimly.] I'm pleased that your ladyship should think so.

      Fouldes.

      How d'you do.

      Lady Frederick.

      Now, this gown. Look, look, look. In this skirt there's genius, mon cher. In the way it hangs my whole character is expressed. Observe the fullness of it, that indicates those admirable virtues which make me an ornament to