Came to Believe. Anonymous

wanted me there. (Eventually, the belief these A.A.’s had in me led me to believe in them, then in myself again, and finally in God.)

      One of the women handed me a small white card with the Serenity Prayer printed on it. “What if I don’t believe in God?” I asked.

      She grinned and said, “Well, I believe that He believes in you. Didn’t you say that you were willing to go to any lengths?” And she added, “Just hang on to this card for dear life! If you’re tempted to take that first drink, read it. Or read it if you run into some other problem too big for you to handle.”

      At home, just twenty-four hours later, I did begin hanging on to that little card “for dear life.” My husband of twenty-five years went into D.T.’s. In his madness, he prevented me from phoning or going for help. For five days and nights, there was no sleep for either of us, and there were times when I became part of his nightmares and my life was threatened.

      All the while, I never allowed the card to leave my person. I read and reread the Serenity Prayer. Though the house was as well stocked with liquor as a small bar, the miracle of it all was that I did not take a drink! Me!—who had solved all my problems with strong drink. Instead, I clutched that little card and murmured the words over and over for five days and nights. I do not recall making any decision to believe. I felt only that the God of these A.A. people might take pity on me and help me. But I certainly had come to believe that I was powerless. As our Big Book states, “The alcoholic at certain times has no effective mental defense against the first drink. Except in a few rare cases, neither he nor any other human being can provide such a defense. His defense must come from a Higher Power.”

      All this so soon after my first meeting! The whole experience caused me to listen intently to other members’ stories of how they came to believe; it caused me to read and reread the chapter “We Agnostics” in the Big Book and the words on the same subject in “Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions.” At last, I came to the conclusion that there was “an easier, softer way”—easier than anything I had tried for myself before A.A. I came to believe.

      And lest I forget . . . I still have in my possession a small, tattered, faded Serenity Prayer card, which saved my sanity and my sobriety and restored my faith in the God of my understanding.

      Brighton, Colorado

HEARD AT MEETINGS

      “Many people pray as though to overcome the will of a reluctant God, instead of taking hold of the willingness of a loving God.”

      “It is wise to pray for the future, but not to worry about it, because we can’t live it until it becomes the present The depth of our anxiety measures the distance we are from God.”

      “If we have the opportunity to help in some practical way when our loved ones or other people we are concerned about are in trouble—let’s do so. If there is no such opportunity, let’s pray for them and believe that, in so doing, we are helping to connect their minds to God’s influence. But let’s not expect same-day service. The important part is not to cancel our prayers by later worrying. (There is a vast difference between being concerned and worrying.) Long-distance, unconditional faith is the best kind.”

      Sydney, Australia

RELEASE FROM OBSESSION	4
In the late stages of our drinking, the will to resist has fled. Yet when we admit complete defeat and when we become entirely ready to try A.A. principles, our obsession leaves us and we enter a new dimension—freedom under God as we understand Him.
Bill W.
Letter, 1966