Bigger Brother. Matthew Vandenberg

nine to five without fulfillment, or studying for even longer. Further, in Korea many young adults just want what's white (with their skin in the game) or gold, or colorful if it's expensive. But why don't they question this consumption? Instead, think. What does a person really need to be happy? Freedom from stress, perhaps? Or, even better, the ability to "CHOOSE your stress [4.]" to be under, and when not to be? That's a question.

      'We need goals and passions but we need to own them, and to own them better than material goods. Am I allowed to say that? Am I allowed to push something intangible like feelings that a price can't be placed on? I work in retail and I'm told to push goods. And it seems like this is what I'm doing but I'm not. I'm talking to people. I'm just talking to people. Here, now, alone, I can't and so I'm talking to walls like these are words I'm jotting down by spitting with excitement for a test I need to pass, but it's in my head alone. I decide whether I pass or fail. Emphasis on MYSELF. I don't know who's listening to me, if anyone other than one pseudo God, but I decide whether I'm dead or alive right now, like Lee Kun-hee [5.], but I have words rather than money to share. I'm alive. And so my words can only multiply.

      'But who's collecting my thoughts? Is this cell padded? Samsung, just to drop a name. I long for publicity, but in the long run. Now I feel like I always have and so I do what I can to create my own world out of nothing and survive mentally. All I can do between trying to meet people is write. I don't long for nor appreciate material goods, only people present. Here, when alone, I can only speak, but maybe - hopefully - on behalf of many people around the world. There needs to be a balance of freedom and structure. I have the freedom now to say and do whatever I like, but I'm lonely. People need order and structure to some extent [6.], a social fabric [6.] to push but not tear, public spaces [6.], and so I long now for some incidental exposure [6.] again and again until we finally connect with one another. I hope I'll find someone soon. I may have my prose but many men around the world can't even read and write so what do they have to say for themselves? That's a weird choice of words but I wonder how many of them are lonely against their will, and forced to take the blame and suffer the consequences. Lonely in Korea or Japan because their family doesn't care for them enough to allow them to choose their own path in life. Yes, that's loneliness too, when you feel that no one around you can understand what you're going through. Or lonely in China or India because females have been historically undervalued, aborted, so much so that men far outnumber women, and without companionship there is only fear, hatred, contempt, anger, crime and violence, if they're without words. But speechlessness, now - by necessity - is enough to spell out the events in the Middle East and Africa. From the plight of boys of Boko Haram to ISIS. Then in the States shooters cause as much pain as possible when left to their own devices. They're left lying around to put it bluntly.

      'Yes, there is definitely a need for control, a need for a bigger brother so to speak. But sister also, and family, and wife or significant other. In general, around the world. I haven't forgotten about women. From honor killings to acid attacks to human trafficking, slavery, and rape, they're undeniably horrifically and starkly alone when surrounded by abusers alone.

      'I'm no angel myself, though I do try to be. But to combat my chronic loneliness in my own creative way I search every day for women to talk to, women on buses, trams, and trains to ask for directions, globally even, in the hope that I'll catch my fix of bad breath for the day, a potent drug for me that's like hormones, messengers I crave in a way only an addict can. I put to you and to the public: is this a conversation worth having? Talk to me. I urge you to, for my sake and yours. But still, as always, the reply's paid but my letters are dead. I can't hear a word anyone says, and can only hope they talk and think about me just a little. Or at least about hormones and what they're good for. Will we even need birth control pills [7.] anymore if men are simply taught to value their hormones over the physical act of sex itself? And this is indeed a lesson. One to teach. Not quickly or violently but cautiously and optimistically and urgently. I can choose my own stress, because I have the mind to, but others cannot, and it's to them I want to reach out. Do you feel me?'

      _____________________

      References

      1 Why China and India face a marriage crisis | The Economist, https://youtu.be/SWwhEaFmSno, [Loneliness, high rates of young single men associated with crime and violence]

      2 Confessions Of A Former K-pop Idol (ft. Crayon Pop) | ASIAN BOSS, https://youtu.be/KdOA5BCwBi0

      3 Suneung: The Most Important Exam for Korean High Schoolers | ASIAN BOSS, https://youtu.be/D4c5ZRJII68, [Parents waiting and praying outside for success]

      4 Teen Brains Are Not Broken | Roselinde Kaiser, Ph.D. | TEDxBoulder, https://youtu.be/ZQUBFgenMXk, ["Choose your stress"]

      5 Why a $15,000,000,000 inheritance can bankrupt you in SOUTH KOREA? - VisualPolitik EN, https://youtu.be/gRi_ZoKjMRc

      6 What obligation do social media platforms have to the greater good? | Eli Pariser, https://youtu.be/bWA1gvA5lxU, ["When things are too loose, people crave order and structure . . ."; social fabric over individuals, incidental exposure; public space]

      7 The surprising link between women’s brains and the birth control pill | Sarah E. Hill | TEDxVienna, https://youtu.be/RdwLAyWHBVs, [Hormones]

      8 Katy Perry - Never Really Over (Official), https://youtu.be/aEb5gNsmGJ8

      9 The Weeknd - Secrets, https://youtu.be/eXDU9um19HM

      Doubtfully NSFW

      'Call me a perennial plant, with roots to find both nutrients and carbon,' Matt says. 'Kernza [1.]. I gather we're underground more than six feet.'

      'You won't be waiting for long to find someone,' the voice says.

      Now, back to Shay and Ja-ram: they're looking at what's left re stock.

      'So welcome to the store, Shay,' Ja-ram says, tossing her a smile. 'Here's the thing. We order everything two months in advance. So, since we didn't know people would flood into the store like this two months back, we're now low on stock. Everything. Therefore, your job today is simply to keep the peace.'

      'You mean I'm practically redundant?' Shay asks.

      Ja-ram looks at Matt and shakes her head.

      'No more than Matt,' Ja-ram states. 'I guess it's time now to think about our purpose in life.'

      Ja-ram laughs: 'You're not being paid to work.'

      'But keeping the peace is work,' Shay states.

      'It shouldn't be,' Ja-ram says. 'Talking to people should be easy.' - Ja-ram picks up some earphones and stares at them - 'When did we lose that skill? Keeping touch? A lost sense? Anyway, no one here is using earphones or headphones now. They're some of the only things left on the shelves. Doesn't that speak volumes?'

      'What if Matt says something bad about the store?' Shay asks.

      'You know what they say about publicity,' Ja-ram replies. 'Besides, he's going after the bigger fish, from what I can gather. Ha ha, I say that like I'm in control. Like I'm giving and telling him what fish to fry even though he's a vegetarian. But he's minding his own business pretty well.'

      Matt's still talking, below and a little to the left of Shay's feet. Other people stand directly above him.

      'You haven't told me when the audition will be totally given,' Matt says. 'I feel like I'm just taking your time and not giving anything away, but then I realize that that's your job and I don't want to invade your personal space mentally. But does anyone really own outer space anyway? Why simply stars?'

      'Do you want to celebrate Christmas?' the voice asks.

      'Not on my own,' Matt replies. 'That makes no sense. Yet the presents people get are always individually wrapped. Why is it so thrilling to have something all to yourself? I guess a public gym is different. I need a partner. So when you ask me if I want to celebrate Christmas I wonder if you're asking on behalf of a woman asking me out. Is that in? In this year? But I talk too much. I need help. Get it? Say something.'

      'What's your religion?' the voice asks.

      'I make