Charles Dickens : The Complete Novels (Best Navigation, Active TOC) (A to Z Classics). A to Z Classics

his green spectacles and his gravity together, and performed a great variety of practical jokes, which were calculated to attract the attention of the passersby, and to render the carriage and those it contained objects of more than ordinary curiosity; the least conspicuous among these feats being a most vociferous imitation of a key–bugle, and the ostentatious display of a crimson silk pocket–handkerchief attached to a walking–stick, which was occasionally waved in the air with various gestures indicative of supremacy and defiance.

      ‘I wonder,’ said Mr. Pickwick, stopping in the midst of a most sedate conversation with Ben Allen, bearing reference to the numerous good qualities of Mr. Winkle and his sister—‘I wonder what all the people we pass, can see in us to make them stare so.’

      ‘It’s a neat turn–out,’ replied Ben Allen, with something of pride in his tone. ‘They’re not used to see this sort of thing, every day, I dare say.’

      ‘Possibly,’ replied Mr. Pickwick. ‘It may be so. Perhaps it is.’

      Mr. Pickwick might very probably have reasoned himself into the belief that it really was, had he not, just then happening to look out of the coach window, observed that the looks of the passengers betokened anything but respectful astonishment, and that various telegraphic communications appeared to be passing between them and some persons outside the vehicle, whereupon it occurred to him that these demonstrations might be, in some remote degree, referable to the humorous deportment of Mr. Robert Sawyer.

      ‘I hope,’ said Mr. Pickwick, ‘that our volatile friend is committing no absurdities in that dickey behind.’

      ‘Oh dear, no,’ replied Ben Allen. ‘Except when he’s elevated, Bob’s the quietest creature breathing.’

      Here a prolonged imitation of a key–bugle broke upon the ear, succeeded by cheers and screams, all of which evidently proceeded from the throat and lungs of the quietest creature breathing, or in plainer designation, of Mr. Bob Sawyer himself.

      Mr. Pickwick and Mr. Ben Allen looked expressively at each other, and the former gentleman taking off his hat, and leaning out of the coach window until nearly the whole of his waistcoat was outside it, was at length enabled to catch a glimpse of his facetious friend.

      Mr. Bob Sawyer was seated, not in the dickey, but on the roof of the chaise, with his legs as far asunder as they would conveniently go, wearing Mr. Samuel Weller’s hat on one side of his head, and bearing, in one hand, a most enormous sandwich, while, in the other, he supported a goodly–sized case–bottle, to both of which he applied himself with intense relish, varying the monotony of the occupation by an occasional howl, or the interchange of some lively badinage with any passing stranger. The crimson flag was carefully tied in an erect position to the rail of the dickey; and Mr. Samuel Weller, decorated with Bob Sawyer’s hat, was seated in the centre thereof, discussing a twin sandwich, with an animated countenance, the expression of which betokened his entire and perfect approval of the whole arrangement.

      This was enough to irritate a gentleman with Mr. Pickwick’s sense of propriety, but it was not the whole extent of the aggravation, for a stage–coach full, inside and out, was meeting them at the moment, and the astonishment of the passengers was very palpably evinced. The congratulations of an Irish family, too, who were keeping up with the chaise, and begging all the time, were of rather a boisterous description, especially those of its male head, who appeared to consider the display as part and parcel of some political or other procession of triumph.

      ‘Mr. Sawyer!’ cried Mr. Pickwick, in a state of great excitement, ‘Mr. Sawyer, Sir!’

      ‘Hollo!’ responded that gentleman, looking over the side of the chaise with all the coolness in life.

      ‘Are you mad, sir?’ demanded Mr. Pickwick.

      ‘Not a bit of it,’ replied Bob; ‘only cheerful.’

      ‘Cheerful, sir!’ ejaculated Mr. Pickwick. ‘Take down that scandalous red handkerchief, I beg. I insist, Sir. Sam, take it down.’

      Before Sam could interpose, Mr. Bob Sawyer gracefully struck his colours, and having put them in his pocket, nodded in a courteous manner to Mr. Pickwick, wiped the mouth of the case–bottle, and applied it to his own, thereby informing him, without any unnecessary waste of words, that he devoted that draught to wishing him all manner of happiness and prosperity. Having done this, Bob replaced the cork with great care, and looking benignantly down on Mr. Pickwick, took a large bite out of the sandwich, and smiled.

      ‘Come,’ said Mr. Pickwick, whose momentary anger was not quite proof against Bob’s immovable self–possession, ‘pray let us have no more of this absurdity.’

      ‘No, no,’ replied Bob, once more exchanging hats with Mr. Weller; ‘I didn’t mean to do it, only I got so enlivened with the ride that I couldn’t help it.’

      ‘Think of the look of the thing,’ expostulated Mr. Pickwick; ‘have some regard to appearances.’

      ‘Oh, certainly,’ said Bob, ‘it’s not the sort of thing at all. All over, governor.’

      Satisfied with this assurance, Mr. Pickwick once more drew his head into the chaise and pulled up the glass; but he had scarcely resumed the conversation which Mr. Bob Sawyer had interrupted, when he was somewhat startled by the apparition of a small dark body, of an oblong form, on the outside of the window, which gave sundry taps against it, as if impatient of admission.

      ‘What’s this?‘exclaimed Mr. Pickwick.

      ‘It looks like a case–bottle;’ remarked Ben Allen, eyeing the object in question through his spectacles with some interest; ‘I rather think it belongs to Bob.’

      The impression was perfectly accurate; for Mr. Bob Sawyer, having attached the case–bottle to the end of the walking–stick, was battering the window with it, in token of his wish, that his friends inside would partake of its contents, in all good–fellowship and harmony.

      ‘What’s to be done?’ said Mr. Pickwick, looking at the bottle. ‘This proceeding is more absurd than the other.’

      ‘I think it would be best to take it in,’ replied Mr. Ben Allen; ‘it would serve him right to take it in and keep it, wouldn’t it?’

      ‘It would,’ said Mr. Pickwick; ‘shall I?’

      ‘I think it the most proper course we could possibly adopt,’ replied Ben.

      This advice quite coinciding with his own opinion, Mr. Pickwick gently let down the window and disengaged the bottle from the stick; upon which the latter was drawn up, and Mr. Bob Sawyer was heard to laugh heartily.

      ‘What a merry dog it is!’ said Mr. Pickwick, looking round at his companion, with the bottle in his hand.

      ‘He is,’ said Mr. Allen.

      ‘You cannot possibly be angry with him,’ remarked Mr. Pickwick.

      ‘Quite out of the question,’ observed Benjamin Allen.

      During this short interchange of sentiments, Mr. Pickwick had, in an abstracted mood, uncorked the bottle.

      ‘What is it?’ inquired Ben Allen carelessly.

      ‘I don’t know,’ replied Mr. Pickwick, with equal carelessness. ‘It smells, I think, like milk–punch.’ ‘Oh, indeed?’ said Ben.

      ‘I think so,’ rejoined Mr. Pickwick, very properly guarding himself against the possibility of stating an untruth; ‘mind, I could not undertake to say certainly, without tasting it.’

      ‘You had better do so,’ said Ben; ‘we may as well know what it is.’

      ‘Do you think so?’ replied Mr. Pickwick. ‘Well; if you are curious to know, of course I have no objection.’

      Ever willing to sacrifice his own feelings to the wishes of his friend, Mr. Pickwick at once took a pretty long taste.

      ‘What is it?’ inquired Ben Allen, interrupting him with some impatience.