The Black Baronet; or, The Chronicles Of Ballytrain. William Carleton

why didn't you come when I rang for you at first?”

      “I was just finishin' my dinner, sir,” replied the other, pulling a bone of a herring from between his teeth, then going over and deliberately throwing it into the fire.

      The stranger was silent with astonishment, and, in truth, felt a stronger inclination to laugh than to scold him. This fellow, thought he, is clearly an original; I must draw him out a little.

      “Why, sir,” he proceeded, “was I served with a pair of d—d salt herrings, as a part of my dinner?”

      “Whist, sir,” replied the fellow, “don't curse anything that God—blessed be his name—has made; it's not right, it's sinful.”

      “But why was I served with two salt herrings, I ask again?”

      “Why wor you sarved with them?—Why, wasn't it what we had ourselves?”

      “Was I not promised venison?”

      “Who promised it to you?”

      “That female waiter of yours.”

      “Peggy Moylan? Well, then, I tell you the fau't wasn't hers. We had a party o' gintlemen out here last week, and the sorra drop of it they left behind them. Devil a drop of venison there is in the house now. You're an Englishman, at any rate, sir, I think by your discourse?”

      “Was I not promised part of a fat buck from the demesne adjoining, and where is it? I thought I was to have fish, flesh, and fowl.”

      “Well, and haven't you fish.” replied the fellow. “What do you call them!” he added, pointing to the herrings; “an' as to a fat buck, faith, it isn't part of one, but a whole one you have. What do you call that.” He lifted an old battered tin cover, and discovered a rabbit, gathered up as if it were in the act of starting for its burrow. “You see, Peggy, sir, always keeps her word; for it was a buck rabbit she meant. Well, now, there's the fish and the flesh; and here,” he proceeded, uncovering another dish, “is the fowl.”

      On lifting the cover, a pair of enormous legs, with spurs on them an inch and a half long, were projected at full length toward the guest, as if the old cock—for such it was—were determined to defend himself to the last.

      “Well,” said the stranger, “all I can say is, that I have got a very bad dinner.”

      “Well, an' what suppose? Sure it has been many a betther man's case. However, you have one remedy; always ait the more of it—that's the sure card; ever and always when you have a bad dinner, ait, I say, the more of it. I don't, think, sir, beggin' your pardon, that you've seen much of the world yet.”

      “Why do you think so,” asked the other, who could with difficulty restrain his mirth at the fellow's cool self-sufficiency and assurance.

      “Because, sir, no man that has seen the world, and knows its ups and downs, would complain of sich a dinner as that. Do you wish for any liquor? But maybe you don't. It's not every one carries a full purse these times; so, at any rate, have the sense not to go beyant your manes, or whatsomever allowance you get.”

      “Allowance! what do you mean by allowance?”

      “I mane,” he replied, “that there's not such a crew of barefaced liars on the airth as you English travellers, as they call you. What do you think, but one of them had the imperance to tell me that he was allowed a guinea a-day to live on! Troth, I crossed mysolf, and bid him go about his business, an' that I didn't think the house or place was safe while he was in it—for it's I that has the mortal hatred of a liar.”

      “What liquor have you got in the house?”

      “No—if there's one thing on airth that I hate worse than another, it's a man that shuffles—that won't tell the truth, or give you a straight answer. We have plenty o' liquor in the house—more than you'll use, at any rate.”

      “But what descriptions? How many kinds? for instance—”

      “Kinds enough, for that matther—all sorts and sizes of liquor.”

      “Have you any wine?”

      “Wine! Well, now, let me speak to you as a friend; sure, 't is n't wine you'd be thinking of?”

      “But, if I pay for it?”

      “Pay for it—ay, and break yourself—go beyant your manes, as I said. No, no—I'll give you no wine—it would be only aidin' you in extravagance, an' I wouldn't have the sin of it to answer for. We have all enough, and too much to answer for, God knows.”

      The last observation was made sotto voce, and with the serious manner of a man who uttered it under a deep sense of religious truth.

      “Well,” replied the stranger, “since you won't allow me wine, have you no cheaper liquor? I am not in the habit of dining without something stronger than water.”

      “So much the worse for yourself. We have good porther.”

      “Bring me a bottle of it, then.”

      “It's beautiful on draught.”

      “But I prefer it in bottle.”

      “I don't doubt it. Lord help us! how few is it that knows what's good for them! Will you give up your own will for wanst, and be guided by a wiser man? for health—an' sure health's before everything—for health, ever and always prefer draught porther.”

      “Well, then, since it must be draught, I shall prefer draught ale.”

      “Rank poison. Troth, somehow I feel a liking for you, an' for that very reason, devil a drop of draught ale I'll allow to cross your lips. Jist be guided by me, an' you'll find that your health an' pocket will both be the betther for it. Troth, it's fat and rosy I'll have you in no time, all out, if you stop with us. Now ait your good dinner, and I'll bring you the porther immediately.”

      “What's your name.” asked the stranger, “before you go.”

      “I'll tell you when I come back—wait till I bring you the portlier, first.”

      In the course of about fifteen mortal, minutes, he returned with a quart of porter in his hand, exclaiming—

      “Bad luck to them for pigs, they got into the garden, and I had to drive them out, and cut a lump of a bush to stop the gap wid; however, I think they won't go back that way again. My name you want? Why, then, my name is Paudeen Gair—that is, Sharpe, sir; but, in troth, it is n't Sharpe by name and Sharpe by nature wid me, although you'd get them that 'ud say otherwise.”

      “How long have you been here,” asked the other.

      “I've been laborin' for the master goin' on fourteen years; but I'm only about twelve months attendin' table.”

      “How long has your fellow-servant—Peggy, I think, you call her—been here?”

      “Not long.”

      “Where had she been before, do you know.”

      “Do I know, is it? Maybe 'tis you may say that.”

      “What do you mean? I don't understand you.”

      “I know that well enough, and it is n't my intention you should.”

      “In what family was she at service.”

      “Whisper;—in a bad family, wid one exception. God protect her, the darlin'. Amin! A wurra yeelsh! may the curse that's hanging over him never fall upon her this day!”

      A kind and complacent spirit beamed in the fine eyes of the stranger, as the waiter uttered these benevolent invocations; and, putting his hand in his