Rambles on the Edge. Wendy Maitland

what I need is a house all to ourselves with that woman gone. Do you really think sitting on the sofa at midnight with an off-duty stripper is the kind of relaxation you need before getting up early next morning for another busy day at work. She’s got to go,’ I demanded.

      ‘Well, how do you propose achieving that?’

      ‘I’ll take the children to Fran’s and stay at the farm with her until the coast is clear to come back. Fran says I can have her guest house for as long as I like. You will have to choose between Lulu and me.’

      ‘Don’t be ridiculous. Louise and Simon are due to start school in a week. You can’t do that to them.’

      ‘You can’t go on inflicting Lulu on me.’

      ‘I’ll talk to her again. She knows she’s got to go. She’s waiting to hear about a flat she’s been to see.’

      ‘Why doesn’t she get the housing officer to find somewhere else for her?’

      ‘I think there was a problem with her tenancy here and she was given notice, so they are not keen to keep her as a tenant.’

      ‘That isn’t hard to believe. Why do you allow yourself to get taken in like this? She’s just another scheming woman, using flattery to get the better of you.’

      ‘She’s had a lot of knocks in her life. She deserves a break.’

      ‘Not at our expense. I’m serious about leaving and going to Fran’s.’

      ‘Please be a little more patient. She will be gone in days, I promise.’

      Those few days went by and she was still there, drifting about in her pyjamas, giving orders to the staff and generally behaving as mistress of the house. So I took the children to Fran’s and when term started we all did lessons together with Fran’s children who were on an approved correspondence course. At first the children were excited to be back on a farm again, especially as Fran had horses and went riding every day, so we joined her, and mine were started on ponies. Of particular fascination was Fran’s swimming pool (empty of water after a shortage) where she kept snakes as pets. All this was engaging for a while, but inevitably the children soon wanted to know when we were going home, and so did I. Adam’s whole focus was on his new job, so that the situation with Lulu, coupled with my absence, seemed almost too much for him to think about. Each time I phoned to ask if Lulu had departed, he became more irritated with me, insisting that I was being unreasonable.

      There had to be a solution to this impasse and Fran recommended a lawyer friend of hers for advice. I went to see him and he was able to assure me that I was not being unreasonable. He suggested starting with an informal approach. Fran would go to Salisbury and call at the house one evening when Adam was there, to have a friendly drink and introduce Mike the lawyer as a friend who had come with her, whom she would like Adam to meet. The conversation would gradually turn to Lulu, and if she was there Mike would be able to get a handle on the situation. All proceeded to plan, but it turned out to be one of Lulu’s working nights and she wasn’t there, so Fran and Mike took the opportunity to impress on Adam that the situation was untenable and he must force her to leave.

      Fran reported all this to me on her return and was confident that Adam would be on the phone very soon to tell me that Lulu had gone and the house was ours. We waited a few days, and then a few more days, and when I phoned Adam for news it was as if no conversation between them had ever taken place. I asked him about this but he laughed it off as a social visit, saying how nice it had been to see Fran, and to meet Mike.

      I went back to see Mike who was surprised at the lack of response and thought Adam was in a state of denial about the problem, because he didn’t know how to deal with it at the same time as focusing all his energies on a new job. This sounded entirely plausible and it was very helpful to have a common sense opinion offered. ‘In that case, what can we do about it?’ I asked him.

      ‘Since Adam and Lulu have been living in the same house, alone together for a significant length of time, whether or not there has been anything going on, you have grounds for divorce,’ he said.

      ‘I don’t want a divorce. I just want the woman to go and leave us in peace in our own home.’

      Mike continued, ‘Although the threat of divorce sounds like an extreme measure, it is the only way to put pressure on Adam to get the woman out. As things stand, he is relying on you to relent and move back, accepting the status quo for the sake of the children.’

      ‘I can’t afford any legal costs.’

      ‘You won’t have any. I will ask Adam for a private meeting. A deadline will be set for the woman to leave with all her possessions and any hangers-on, never to return under any circumstances. I will explain to him that any failure to carry this out will result in instant divorce proceedings, indisputable grounds having been provided. If he feels unable to deliver an ultimatum to the woman, I can give him a letter to hand to her personally, to make sure she gets it. She will not argue. The last thing she needs in her line of business is anything to do with the courts.’

      ‘Do you think Adam will agree?’

      ‘Of course he will. I can guarantee it. He is in a hole, and I am offering him a way out, at no cost.’

      ‘Why are you doing this for us?’

      ‘Because you are a friend of Fran’s, and I will always do what I can for any friend of hers.’

      ‘Thank you,’ I said, feeling close to tears. ‘I don’t know how we can ever repay you.’

      ‘Go on being a friend to Fran,’ he said.

      Mike was as good as his word and Lulu left in a puff of dust the very next day after Mike had spoken to Adam, and, as it happened, to her as well. Adam was puzzled at the haste of her departure. ‘She couldn’t wait to leave,’ he said on the phone to me, mystified. ‘Mike really put the wind up her. I don’t know what he said to her, but it was as if she’d got the law on her tail. All her things were flung into boxes and suitcases double time and she literally fled, bundling her poor blind brother into the car with her.’

      ‘Maybe there was more going on in the house than we realised, with so many people coming and going, and you were a good cover, until she was found out.’

      ‘We’ll never know, darling, but thank God you’re coming back. It’s been a nightmare. You’ve no idea how chaotic it’s been without you and the house being used as a drop-in centre. No one doing any proper cooking or organising any sort of routine. Just endless picnicking in the dining room and leaving a terrible mess for the servants to clear up. Do hurry back, darling.’

      With Lulu and her tribe gone, it was bliss to return and settle back to the normal tumult of family life after such an unnerving experience. I was very relieved to find that the hiatus had not damaged us and I still had the same loving husband as before; his only fault that sometimes he was inclined to spread his loving nature too generously. Louise and Simon were excited to be joining Blakiston School just down the road, and best of all they had inherited second-hand bikes left behind by some of the younger members of Lulu’s tribe. They could go off by themselves on these, riding along quiet streets in our suburb, avoiding a busy highway which connected this enclave to the city centre a couple of miles away. It was a very convenient place to live, with a short commute to the Bowmaker office for Adam, and close to Baines Avenue where several medical specialists had consulting rooms and a clinic. I promised myself a job at one of the surgeries as soon as the children were settled in school.

      Peter was ready for nursery school, needing the company of other children his age, and a small nursery called Treetops was also conveniently close. He wanted to have a bike like the others but was still small for his age so he had to make do with a tricycle and, much to his frustration, he was not allowed out onto the road. Traffic laws were quite strict in Salisbury and children on bicycles had to pass a safety test before using public roads, while tricycles were restricted to gardens. This didn’t prevent Peter trying to go out and making a dash for the gate whenever he saw a chance. Having hauled him back one day, I could hear the