The Trespasser. Дэвид Герберт Лоуренс

heart.

      With her the dream was always more than the actuality. Her dream of Siegmund was more to her than Siegmund himself. He might be less than her dream, which is as it may be. However, to the real man she was very cruel.

      He held her close. His dream was melted in his blood, and his blood ran bright for her. His dreams were the flowers of his blood. Hers were more detached and inhuman. For centuries a certain type of woman has been rejecting the “animal” in humanity, till now her dreams are abstract, and full of fantasy, and her blood runs in bondage, and her kindness is full of cruelty.

      Helena lay flagging upon the breast of Siegmund. He folded her closely, and his mouth and his breath were warm on her neck. She sank away from his caresses, passively, subtly drew back from him. He was far too sensitive not to be aware of this, and far too much of a man not to yield to the woman. His heart sank, his blood grew sullen at her withdrawal. Still he held her; the two were motionless and silent for some time.

      ​She became distressedly conscious that her feet, which lay on the wet grass, were aching with cold. She said softly, gently, as if he was her child whom she must correct and lead:

      “I think we ought to go home, Siegmund.” He made a small sound, that might mean anything, but did not stir or release her. His mouth, however, remained motionless on her throat, and the caress went out of it.

      “It is cold and wet, dear; we ought to go,” she coaxed determinedly.

      “Soon,” he said thickly.

      She sighed, waited a moment, then said very gently, as if she were loath to take him from his pleasure:

      “Siegmund, I am cold.”

      There was a reproach in this which angered him.

      “Cold!” he exclaimed. “But you are warm with me——”

      “But my feet are out on the grass, dear, and they are like wet pebbles.”

      “Oh dear!” he said. “Why didn’t you give them me to warm?” He leaned forward, and put his hand on her shoes.

      “They are very cold,” he said. “We must hurry and make them warm.”

      When they rose, her feet were so numbed she could hardly stand. She clung to Siegmund, laughing.

      “I wish you had told me before,” he said. “I ought to have known. …”

      Vexed with himself, he put his arm round her, and they set off home.

      ​

      Chapter V

       Table of Contents

      V

       Table of Contents

      They found the fire burning brightly in their room. The only other person in the pretty, stiffly-furnished cottage was their landlady, a charming old lady who let this sitting-room more for the change, for the sake of having visitors, than for gain.

      Helena introduced Siegmund as “My friend.” The old lady smiled upon him. He was big, and good-looking, and embarrassed. She had had a son years back. … And the two were lovers. She hoped they would come to her house for their honeymoon.

      Siegmund sat in his great horse-hair chair by the fire, while Helena attended to the lamp. Glancing at him over the glowing globe, she found him watching her with a small, peculiar smile of irony, and anger, and bewilderment. He was not quite himself. Her hand trembled so, she could scarcely adjust the wicks.

      Helena left the room to change her dress.

      “I shall be back before Mrs. Curtiss brings in the tray. There is the Nietzsche I brought——”

      He did not answer as he watched her go. Left alone, he sat with his arms along his knees, perfectly still. His heart beat heavily, and all his being felt sullen, watchful, aloof, like a balked animal. Thoughts came up in his brain like bubbles—random, hissing out ​aimlessly. Once, in the startling inflammability of his blood, his veins ran hot, and he smiled.

      When Helena entered the room his eyes sought hers swiftly, as sparks lighting on the tinder. But her eyes were only moist with tenderness. His look instantly changed. She wondered at his being so silent, so strange.

      Coming to him in her unhesitating, womanly way—she was only twenty-six to his thirty-eight—she stood before him, holding both his hands and looking down on him with almost gloomy tenderness. She wore a white dress that showed her throat gathering like a fountain-jet of solid foam to balance her head. He could see the full white arms passing clear through the dripping spume of lace, towards the rise of her breasts. But her eyes bent down upon him with such gloom of tenderness that he dared not reveal the passion burning in him. He could not look at her. He strove almost pitifully to be with her sad, tender, but he could not put out his fire. She held both his hands firm, pressing them in appeal for her dream love. He glanced at her wistfully, then turned away. She waited for him. She wanted his caresses and tenderness. He would not look at her.

      “You would like supper now, dear?” she asked, looking where the dark hair ended, and his neck ran smooth, under his collar, to the strong setting of his shoulders.

      “Just as you will,” he replied.

      Still she waited, and still he would not look at her. Something troubled him, she thought. He was foreign to her.

      “I will spread the cloth, then,” she said, in deep tones of resignation. She pressed his hands closely, ​and let them drop. He took no notice, but, still with his arms on his knees, he stared into the fire.

      In the golden glow of lamplight she set small bowls of white and lavender sweets-peas, and mignonette, upon the round table. He watched her moving, saw the stir of her white, sloping shoulders under the lace, and the hollow of her shoulders firm as marble, and the slight rise and fall of her loins as she walked. He felt as if his breast were scalded. It was a physical pain to him.

      Supper was very quiet. Helena was sad and gentle; he had a peculiar, enigmatic look in his eyes, between suffering and mockery and love. He was quite intractable; he would not soften to her, but remained there aloof. He was tired, and the look of weariness and suffering was evident to her through his strangeness. In her heart she wept.

      At last she tinkled the bell for supper to be cleared. Meanwhile, restlessly, she played fragments of Wagner on the piano.

      “Will you want anything else?” asked the smiling old landlady.

      “Nothing at all, thanks,” said Helena, with decision.

      “Oh! Then I think I will go to bed when I’ve washed the dishes. You will put the lamp out, dear?”

      “I am well used to a lamp,” smiled Helena. “We use them always at home.”

      She had had a day before Siegmund’s coming, in which to win Mrs. Curtiss’ heart, and she had been successful. The old lady took the tray.

      “Good-night, dear good-night, sir. I will leave you. You will not be long, dear?”

      ​“No, we shall not be long. Mr. MacNair is very evidently tired out.”

      “Yes—yes. It is very tiring, London.”

      When the door was closed, Helena stood a moment undecided, looking at Siegmund. He was lying in his armchair in a dispirited way, and looking in the fire. As she gazed at him with troubled eyes, he happened to glance to her, with the same dark, curiously searching, disappointed eyes.

      “Shall I read to you?” she asked bitterly.

      “If