Bill the Minder. William Heath Robinson

brought to a standstill by a loud knocking on the door of the shed and the sound of a great concourse of people on the other side. On opening the door I nearly fainted in my horror, for whom should I behold but the King of Persia and all his court, and as far as the eye could reach the faces of the Trojans all lit up by the morning sun, staring intently at the shed. Alas, we had eaten the old cock, our only timepiece, many hours ago, and without our knowledge the day had dawned and grown to midday.

      ​'Who shall describe my profound mortification, as I observed the look of sorrow on the King of Persia's noble countenance, or the distress with which I viewed the agonised disappointment of my subjects as they beheld their king, whom they one and all delighted to honour, playing leap-frog in a hen-house.

      'It appeared that on the arrival of the King of Persia, they had all proceeded in lordly procession with bands playing and flags flying to the throne-room, and not finding me there they had hunted everywhere for me, high and low, until at last, guided by the sounds of revelry in the hen-house, they discovered my wretched self in the ignominious position I have already described.

      'I was now seized by two of the Persian guards at the command of their monarch and marched off to the Palace, a lane being opened for me through the crowds of my silent and sorrowing subjects.

      'A council was very hurriedly called together, at which it was decided that I should be banished for ever from the city of Troy for so demeaning the exalted position to which I had been elevated, by my frolics in the hen-house, and that henceforth the King of Persia should reign in my stead.

      'Stripping my royal robes from me (they were compelled to leave my crown on, for it was so firmly fixed that it would not come off, try as they would), they now bandaged my eyes, and, with the only baggage I was allowed to take, tied up in an old ​patch-work quilt, they led me forth. Past crowds of my subjects, who now gave way to the most heartfelt sorrow, I was led, through the old gates of my beloved city and far out into the country. After we had travelled for about thirty miles my conductors at last removed the bandage from my eyes and left me to my despair, alone in the wilderness.

      'Sinking to the ground, I wept bitterly for three-quarters of an hour, when hunger beginning to assert itself, I started upon this long journey, which has at length brought me to you.

      'For many months have I travelled, often compelled to ask the way or beg assistance of the merest strangers, until at last,' concluded the old gentleman, 'as I was resting to-day in the shadow of this rick, I saw you all coming over the hill, and mistaking you for the legions of the King of Persia sent to hunt me down, I hid myself in the top of the rick.'

      Bill and all his charges were deeply moved at so harrowing a tale, and willingly proffered any assistance they were capable of rendering to the unhappy old boy.

      The King of Troy, now assured of the good faith of his new friends, unfolded to them a scheme he had formed to raise an army and to march on Troy, and so recover, if possible, his lost power. Bill at once offered his services and was created commander-in-chief on the spot, and calling for volunteers, was answered by one great shout of joy from all his

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      The King of Troy compelled to ask his way

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      ​ ​charges, every one of whom enlisted there and then in the new army of the King of Troy.

      Chad, Hannibal, Randall, Noah, Ratchett, Nero, Biddulph, and Knut were each promoted to the rank of officers as a matter of course, while the gentle Boadicea was deputed to look after the old King, whose comfort was now her greatest aim in life.

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      THE ANCIENT MARINER

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      THE next thing to be done was certainly to make the old King comfortable, so Bill took him home, and the good Chloe dosed him well with hot gruel, and made him put his feet in hot water, and sent him to bed. After remaining snugly tucked up for a few days, the cheerful old soul was ready and eager to start with his new army for Troy.

      In the meantime Bill, with the assistance of Crispin, had constructed a wonderful perambulator, ​in which the King could be conveyed with his luggage and such comforts as would be necessary for the old man during his progress.

      Having secured the permission of Crispin and Chloe, and of the other parents concerned (most of whom seemed only too glad to get rid of the lot), Bill, the King, and all the gallant young soldiers started on their adventurous journey. Loud were the shouts of admiration as the brave creatures marched down the village street; and at last, when they had entirely disappeared, the place seemed suddenly so quiet and dull that all retired to their bedrooms and gave way to tears.

      However, our duty is to follow the young braves. Having marched along the road across the Downs for some distance, they met the strangest couple—a kind-looking old gentleman who, to judge from his appearance, had spent the greater part of his life upon the ocean, carrying in his arms, carefully and tenderly as though he were a frail young baby, another man, with the saddest and most thoughtful face that you ever beheld. Such touching kindness deeply affected all who witnessed it, and Bill at once greeted the good gentleman, and begged of him to account to them for his very strange appearance on the country road.

      'Sirs,' said the Ancient Mariner, as he placed his burden lovingly on the ground, 'my name is Jack, Plain Jack, and I am the ninth mate of the Swedish ship Turnip, a brig-rigged barquentine, that sailed ​from Cherry Garden Pier for Margate with a cargo of camels, in the year 1840, and has never since been heard of.

      'Though a born sailor, I succeeded my father in what was one of the best corn-chandler's businesses in that part of Barking. By my industry and thrift I, in time, so bettered my position and improved my business that I felt fully entitled to settle down and enter into the state of matrimony. For some years I had had my eye on the enchanting Jane Osbaldistone de Trevor, whose father kept a large brill farm by Barking Creek—in fact, the largest of the many brill farms that used, in those days, to line the river from Limehouse Reach to Cherry Garden Pier.

      'His wealth and importance did not deter me from aspiring to the hand of his fascinating daughter; and why should they have done so? Was not I in the very promising position of owning the largest corn-chandler's store, from Wapping Old Stairs even as far down as Barking Creek? And then, again, was not I as well born as he, for did not my ancestors chandle corn in Barking long before the De Trevors had crossed the Channel, when they may, indeed, have earned a precarious livelihood by letting bathing-machines on the beach at Boulogne?

      'Nevertheless, on my broaching the subject to the old gentleman, he threw every conceivable obstacle in my way, and made conditions that were wellnigh impossible of being carried out. "If," said he, "you ​can bring to me, within the next few years, some object more wonderful than anything in the Bethnal Green Museum—some object beside which St. Paul's Cathedral, the Monument, the Tower of London, or the Tower Bridge will be as uninteresting as an old one-bladed pocket-knife—then you shall marry my daughter, but not otherwise"; and he chuckled to himself, knowing only too well that he had wellnigh dashed my hopes for ever.

      'But,