THE COLLECTED PLAYS OF W. SOMERSET MAUGHAM. Уильям Сомерсет Моэм

"Heart's delight".... And he signs himself, "your darling chickabiddy." The old ruffian.

      Lady Frederick.

      She was a very pretty little thing.

      Fouldes.

      I daresay, but thank heaven, I have some sense of decency left, and it outrages all my susceptibilities that a man in side-whiskers should call himself anybody's chickabiddy.

      Lady Frederick.

      Protestations of undying affection are never ridiculous when they are accompanied by such splendid emeralds.

      Fouldes.

      [Starting and growing suddenly serious.] And what about Maud?

      Lady Frederick.

      Well?

      Fouldes.

      Poor girl, it'd simply break her heart. He preached at her steadily for twenty years, and she worshipped the very ground he trod on. She'd have died of grief at his death except she felt it her duty to go on with his work.

      Lady Frederick.

      I know.

      Fouldes.

      By Jove, it's a good card. You were quite right to refuse the emeralds: these letters are twice as valuable.

      Lady Frederick.

      Would you like to burn them?

      Fouldes.

      Betsy!

      Lady Frederick.

      There's the stove. Put them in.

      [He takes them up in both hands and hurries to the stove. But he stops and brings them back, he throws them on the sofa.

      Fouldes.

      No, I won't.

      Lady Frederick.

      Why not?

      Fouldes.

      It's too dooced generous. I'll fight you tooth and nail, but it's not fair to take an advantage over me like that. You'll bind my hands with fetters.

      Lady Frederick.

      Very well. You've had your chance.

      Fouldes.

      But, by Jove, you must have a good hand to throw away a card like that. What have you got—a straight flush?

      Lady Frederick.

      I may be only bluffing, you know.

      Fouldes.

      Lord, it does me good to hear your nice old Irish brogue again.

      Lady Frederick.

      Faith, and does it?

      Fouldes.

      I believe you only put it on to get over people.

      Lady Frederick.

      [Smiling.] Begorrah, it's not easy to get over you.

      Fouldes.

      Lord, I was in love with you once, wasn't I?

      Lady Frederick.

      Not more than lots of other people have been.

      Fouldes.

      And you did treat me abominably.

      Lady Frederick.

      Ah, that's what they all said. But you got over it very well.

      Fouldes.

      I didn't. My digestion was permanently impaired by your brutal treatment.

      Lady Frederick.

      Is that why you went to Carlsbad afterwards instead of the Rocky Mountains?

      Fouldes.

      You may laugh, but the fact remains that I've only been in love once, and that was with you.

      Lady Frederick.

      [Smiling as she holds out her hand.] Good-night.

      Fouldes.

      For all that I'm going to fight you now for all I'm worth.

      Lady Frederick.

      I'm not frightened of you, Paradine.

      Fouldes.

      Good-night.

      [As he goes out, Captain Montgomerie enters.

      Lady Frederick.

      [Yawning and stretching her arms.] Oh I'm so sleepy.

      Captain Montgomerie.

      I'm sorry for that. I wanted to have a talk with you.

      Lady Frederick.

      [Smiling.] I daresay I can keep awake for five minutes, you know—especially if you offer me a cigarette.

      Captain Montgomerie.

      Here you are.

      [He hands her his case and lights her cigarette.

      Lady Frederick.

      [With a sigh.] Oh, what a comfort.

      Captain Montgomerie.

      I wanted to tell you, I had a letter this morning from my solicitor to say that he's just bought Crowley Castle on my behalf.

      Lady Frederick.

      Really. But it's a lovely place. You must ask me to come and stay.

      Captain Montgomerie.

      I should like you to stay there indefinitely.

      Lady Frederick.

      [With a quick look.] That's charming of you, but I never desert my London long.

      Captain Montgomerie.

      [Smiling.] I have a very nice house in Portman Square.

      Lady Frederick.

      [Surprised.] Really?

      Captain Montgomerie.

      And I'm thinking of going into Parliament at the next election.

      Lady Frederick.

      It appears to be a very delightful pastime to govern the British nation, dignified without being laborious.

      Captain Montgomerie.

      Lady Frederick, although I've been in the service I have rather a good head for business, and I hate beating about the bush. I wanted to ask you to marry me.

      Lady Frederick.

      It's nice of you not to make a fuss about it. I'm very much obliged but I'm afraid I can't.

      Captain Montgomerie.

      Why not?

      Lady Frederick.

      Well, you see, I don't know you.

      Captain Montgomerie.

      We could spend the beginning of our married life so usefully in making one another's acquaintance.

      Lady Frederick.

      It would be rather late in the day then to come to the conclusion that we couldn't bear the sight of one another.

      Captain Montgomerie.

      Shall I send my banker's book so that you may see that my antecedents are respectable and my circumstances—such as to inspire affection.

      Lady Frederick.

      I have no doubt it would be very interesting—but not to me.

      [She makes as if to go.

      Captain Montgomerie.

      Ah,