William Shakespeare - Ultimate Collection: Complete Plays & Poetry in One Volume. William Shakespeare

I like him very well.

       TOUCHSTONE

       God ‘ild you, sir; I desire you of the like. I press in here, sir, amongst the rest of the country copulatives, to swear and to forswear; according as marriage binds and blood breaks:—A poor virgin, sir, an ill-favoured thing, sir, but mine own; a poor humour of mine, sir, to take that that no man else will; rich honesty dwells like a miser, sir, in a poor-house; as your pearl in your foul oyster.

       DUKE SENIOR

       By my faith, he is very swift and sententious.

       TOUCHSTONE

       According to the fool’s bolt, sir, and such dulcet diseases.

       JAQUES

       But, for the seventh cause; how did you find the quarrel on the seventh cause?

       TOUCHSTONE

       Upon a lie seven times removed;—bear your body more seeming, Audrey:—as thus, sir, I did dislike the cut of a certain courtier’s beard; he sent me word, if I said his beard was not cut well, he was in the mind it was: this is called the Retort courteous. If I sent him word again it was not well cut, he would send me word he cut it to please himself: this is called the Quip modest. If again, it was not well cut, he disabled my judgment: this is called the Reply churlish. If again, it was not well cut, he would answer I spake not true: this is called the Reproof valiant. If again, it was not well cut, he would say I lie: this is called the Countercheck quarrelsome: and so, to the Lie circumstantial, and the Lie direct.

       JAQUES

       And how oft did you say his beard was not well cut?

       TOUCHSTONE

       I durst go no further than the Lie circumstantial, nor he durst not give me the Lie direct; and so we measured swords and parted.

       JAQUES

       Can you nominate in order now the degrees of the lie?

       TOUCHSTONE

       O, sir, we quarrel in print by the book, as you have books for good manners: I will name you the degrees. The first, the Retort courteous; the second, the Quip modest; the third, the Reply churlish; the fourth, the Reproof valiant; the fifth, the Countercheck quarrelsome; the sixth, the Lie with circumstance; the seventh, the Lie direct. All these you may avoid but the Lie Direct; and you may avoid that too with an “If”. I knew when seven justices could not take up a quarrel; but when the parties were met themselves, one of them thought but of an “If”, as: “If you said so, then I said so;” and they shook hands, and swore brothers. Your “If” is the only peacemaker;—much virtue in “If.”

       JAQUES

       Is not this a rare fellow, my lord? he’s as good at anything, and yet a fool.

       DUKE SENIOR

       He uses his folly like a stalking-horse, and under the presentation of that he shoots his wit.

       [Enter HYMEN, leading ROSALIND in woman’s clothes; and CELIA.]

       [Still MUSIC.]

       HYMEN

       Then is there mirth in heaven,

       When earthly things made even

       Atone together.

       Good duke, receive thy daughter;

       Hymen from heaven brought her,

       Yea, brought her hither,

       That thou mightst join her hand with his,

       Whose heart within his bosom is.

       ROSALIND

       [To DUKE SENIOR.] To you I give myself, for I am yours.

       [To ORLANDO.] To you I give myself, for I am yours.

       DUKE SENIOR

       If there be truth in sight, you are my daughter.

       ORLANDO

       If there be truth in sight, you are my Rosalind.

       PHEBE

       If sight and shape be true,

       Why then, my love, adieu!

       ROSALIND

       [To DUKE SENIOR.] I’ll have no father, if you be not he;—

       [To ORLANDO.] I’ll have no husband, if you be not he;—

       [To PHEBE.] Nor ne’er wed woman, if you be not she.

       HYMEN

       Peace, ho! I bar confusion:

       ‘Tis I must make conclusion

       Of these most strange events:

       Here’s eight that must take hands

       To join in Hymen’s bands,

       If truth holds true contents.

       [To ORLANDO and ROSALIND.] You and you no cross shall part:

       [To OLIVER and CELIA.] You and you are heart in heart;

       [To PHEBE.] You to his love must accord,

       Or have a woman to your lord:—

       [To TOUCHSTONE and AUDREY.] You and you are sure together,

       As the winter to foul weather.

       Whiles a wedlock-hymn we sing,

       Feed yourselves with questioning,

       That reason wonder may diminish,

       How thus we met, and these things finish.

       SONG

       Wedding is great Juno’s crown;

       O blessed bond of board and bed!

       ‘Tis Hymen peoples every town;

       High wedlock then be honourèd;

       Honour, high honour, and renown,

       To Hymen, god of every town!

       DUKE SENIOR

       O my dear niece, welcome thou art to me!

       Even daughter, welcome in no less degree.

       PHEBE

       [To SILVIUS.] I will not eat my word, now thou art mine;

       Thy faith my fancy to thee doth combine.

       [Enter JAQUES DE BOIS.]

       JAQUES DE BOIS

       Let me have audience for a word or two;

       I am the second son of old Sir Rowland,

       That bring these tidings to this fair assembly:—

       Duke Frederick, hearing how that every day

       Men of great worth resorted to this forest,

       Address’d a mighty power; which were on foot,

       In his own conduct, purposely to take

       His brother here, and put him to the sword:

       And to the skirts of this wild wood he came;

       Where, meeting with an old religious man,

       After some question with him, was converted

       Both from his enterprise and from the world;

       His crown bequeathing to his banish’d brother,

       And all their lands restored to them again

       That were with him exil’d. This to be true

       I do engage my life.

       DUKE SENIOR

       Welcome, young man:

       Thou offer’st fairly to thy brother’s wedding:

       To one, his lands withheld; and to the other,

       A land itself at large, a potent dukedom.

       First, in this forest, let us do those ends

       That here were well begun and well