Social-Emotional Learning and the Brain. Marilee Sprenger B.

Remember, it's not a conversation about schoolwork. It's a conversation about getting to know each other.

      The following is one of my favorite stories about relationship building, involving a sophomore in my basic English class.

      Will was a little bit scary to me. He wore a black leather jacket that he never took off, black pants, black leather boots, and chains of some sort hanging from several pockets. When I tried to engage him in class, he looked at me like … well, like he didn't care for me—or perhaps any other human. He was the only student in my class with whom I could not build rapport. One day, I was walking down the hall and saw Will at his locker. He had earbuds in his ears, and as he turned around, there I was! I think it surprised him. I had been hoping to avoid him; but here we were, face to face, and he looked at me quizzically. I didn't know what to say, but knew I had to say something. I opened with, "Hi, Will! What are you listening to?" It was a rock group—heavy metal, I think—and I had never heard of them. He sort of grunted the name. I responded, "Can I listen?" He took the earbuds out of his ears and offered them to me. They were connected to his phone. I listened for a minute or so; I could barely stand the music. At what I thought was an appropriate time, I took the buds out, smiling all the while, and said, "Cool! Thanks!" He continued to look at me like I might be a bit crazy, so I said, "That brightened my day! I'll see you in class!"

      If I told you he magically became a model student after that encounter, I would be lying. But to me it was magic, because from that point on, he looked at me with less disdain. He didn't offer to answer questions, nor did he ask any, but he spoke when spoken to. He nodded to me and a few others in the class. It was amazing. I never caught him in the hall again, but when I saw him in the cafeteria (I always make a point of eating in the cafeteria with the students on Fridays—another way to build relationships), we exchanged a few words and sometimes I even got a smile.

      Like some other teachers, you may feel that you have nothing in common with some students, but you do. You just have to find out what it is. To begin, don't lead with a question. The students who most need the 2 × 10 strategy are often reluctant to answer, and in their experience, teachers do nothing but ask questions. Instead, try to begin with a comment. "My daughter has those jeans! She loves them, and she wears them all the time. I was thinking about getting a pair. Are they comfortable?" Even if I only get a nod in response, I've begun to set something up. Here's another example: "I'm trying to figure out what to get my son for his birthday. Any great ideas come to mind? I was thinking about a ___." Students are almost always responsive to this one. I've shared a little of my life with them this way, and my hope is that with the next encounter, they'll share a little of their life with me. If you have done any "getting to know you" activities (such as "A River Runs Through Us," described on page 34), you may lead with a bit of information you gleaned from those.

      Assign Seats

      What? How does assigned seating build relationships with students? When students know they have a place in your classroom, that knowledge builds on the idea that they belong somewhere. This is one of those simple background strategies that may be particularly effective with students who find that school is a safer place than home. "My seat. My space. My photos. My cubby. My team." All these possessives may be meaningful to your kids—you know, those kids who become "my kids!" You carry them with you in your heart forever—as I do with Will, the "scary" student in my basic English class. He grew up, gave up the motorcycle. (Did I mention the motorcycle? That explains the leather.) He married a niece of one of the teachers. They are living happily ever after.

      Schedule Advisories

      Advisory class meetings are another way to build relationships, and they're great for all grade levels. Usually scheduled at the beginning of the day, advisory groups at the middle-grade levels then travel together to their classes. The brain loves ritual, and this daily get-together allows students to share their feelings, listen respectfully (an ability that is a characteristic of self-control), and comment in positive ways. Students who are coming from chaotic homes and those who have experienced trauma may find that this is a special place to belong. They have a group in which they can share information with a caring adult who is overseeing the dialogue that takes place. Advisories can have a calming effect and prepare students emotionally for the academic day.

      At the high school level, many of the purposes of advisories are the same, but the schedule of the day is, of course, different. Advisory purposes can be academic, motivational, relational, to plan a learning pathway, to discuss post–high school plans, or simply to help students feel included and accepted. This may be a time for students to share thoughts and concerns or perhaps compliments. Everyday advisories are ideal, but scheduling them for twice a week will work, too. Here are some ideas for how to fit an advisory meeting into the day:

       Use homeroom time.

       Find time during the lunch period (see "Form a Lunch Bunch").

       Choose a time normally used for classroom routines.

       Schedule time as necessary. (If my homeroom time wasn't enough, we met at lunchtime, too.)

      Conduct Morning Meetings

      Morning meetings are a wonderful way to build community in a classroom. Generally considered a gathering for lower grades, many schools find the meetings rewarding and use them throughout the grades. Here are the typical components of a morning meeting:

       Greeting: Even though you have already greeted your students at the door, the meeting is a great way to greet them again and offer a welcome to the day.

       Sharing: Students have an opportunity to share something in their lives and give classmates a chance to ask questions.

       Group activity: The beginning of the year is a great time for a "getting to know each other" activity. My favorite is "A River Runs Through Us," which was introduced to me decades ago at a workshop I attended. I have used it in my classrooms and my workshops ever since. Here are the steps:Chairs are arranged in a tight circle, with no spaces in between.Students sit in the chairs, and the teacher stands in the middle of the circle.The teacher begins with, "Hi, I'm Miss (or Ms., Mr., Mrs.) ___."Students respond with, "Hi, Miss ___."The teacher continues with personal content, such as "I have a dog … and a river runs through us."At this point, all students who also have a dog must get up from their seat and find an open seat to sit in. At the same time, the teacher tries to grab a seat.The person left standing goes to the middle, introduces herself, and makes a statement.

      Students at all grade levels enjoy this activity. We play until I am sure all students have been in the middle and shared something about themselves. By the time the activity is over, I know everyone's name and some things we have in common, making future interactions (like 2 × 10) much easier.

       Announcements: This segment could include mention of special events like an assembly or anything else that has come up and needs to be shared.

      Form a Lunch Bunch

      Many middle and high schools don't allow enough time for a morning meeting. Schedules can be tight, and classes may be short. As an alternative, meeting for a few minutes at lunch or having lunch with students has worked well at some schools. As a middle school teacher, I had a very short homeroom period. As I mentioned previously, I ate lunch in the cafeteria with my students on Fridays. Doing so gave me a chance to check in with them to find out who was looking forward to the weekend, how they felt about their class work or assessments that week, and whether they needed to talk later about anything specific. It was really one of the best opportunities for me to connect with my students.

      Nurture Relationships

      Cook and his colleagues (2018) at the University of Minnesota conducted a study of classrooms in which teachers used a series of techniques centered on establishing, maintaining, and restoring relationships. The original study was done with 220 4th and 5th graders, and it was repeated with