A Hidden Life and Other Poems. George MacDonald

once of thy own pure will

       Arising at the calling Father's voice,)

       Doing the right with sweet unconsciousness;

       Having God in thee, a completer soul,

       Be sure, than thou alone; thou not the less

       Complete in choice, and individual life,

       Since that which sayeth I, doth call him Sire.

      "Lady, I die—the Father holds me up.

       It is not much to thee that I should die;

       (How should it be? for thou hast never looked

       Deep in my eyes, as I once looked in thine)

       But it is much that He doth hold me up.

      "I thank thee, lady, for a gentle look

       Thou lettest fall upon me long ago.

       The same sweet look be possible to thee

       For evermore;—I bless thee with thine own,

       And say farewell, and go into my grave—

       Nay, nay, into the blue heaven of my hopes."

      Then came his name in full, and then the name

       Of the green churchyard where he hoped to lie.

       And then he laid him back, weary, and said:

       "O God! I am only an attempt at life.

       Sleep falls again ere I am full awake.

       Life goeth from me in the morning hour.

       I have seen nothing clearly; felt no thrill

       Of pure emotion, save in dreams, wild dreams;

       And, sometimes, when I looked right up to thee.

       I have been proud of knowledge, when the flame

       Of Truth, high Truth, but flickered in my soul.

       Only at times, in lonely midnight hours,

       When in my soul the stars came forth, and brought

       New heights of silence, quelling all my sea,

       Have I beheld clear truth, apart from form,

       And known myself a living lonely thought,

       Isled in the hyaline of Truth alway.

       I have not reaped earth's harvest, O my God;

       Have gathered but a few poor wayside flowers,

       Harebells, red poppies, closing pimpernels—

       All which thou hast invented, beautiful God,

       To gather by the way, for comforting.

       Have I aimed proudly, therefore aimed too low,

       Striving for something visible in my thought,

       And not the unseen thing hid far in thine?

       Make me content to be a primrose-flower

       Among thy nations; that the fair truth, hid

       In the sweet primrose, enter into me,

       And I rejoice, an individual soul,

       Reflecting thee; as truly then divine,

       As if I towered the angel of the sun.

       All in the night, the glowing worm hath given

       Me keener joy than a whole heaven of stars:

       Thou camest in the worm more near me then.

       Nor do I think, were I that green delight,

       I'd change to be the shadowy evening star.

       Ah, make me, Father, anything thou wilt,

       So be thou will it; I am safe with thee.

       I laugh exulting. Make me something, God;

       Clear, sunny, veritable purity

       Of high existence, in itself content,

       And in the things that are besides itself,

       And seeking for no measures. I have found

       The good of earth, if I have found this death.

       Now I am ready; take me when thou wilt."

      He laid the letter in his desk, with seal

       And superscription. When his sister came,

       He said, "You'll find a note there—afterwards—.

       Take it yourself to the town, and let it go.

       But do not see the name, my sister true—

       I'll tell you all about it, when you come."

      And as the eve, through paler, darker shades,

       Insensibly declines, and is no more,

       The lordly day once more a memory,

       So died he. In the hush of noon he died.

       Through the low valley-fog he brake and climbed.

       The sun shone on—why should he not shine on?

       The summer noises rose o'er all the land.

       The love of God lay warm on hill and plain.

       'Tis well to die in summer.

      When the breath,

       After a long still pause, returned no more,

       The old man sank upon his knees, and said:

       "Father, I thank thee; it is over now;

       And thou hast helped him well through this sore time.

       So one by one we all come back to thee,

       All sons and brothers, thanking thee who didst

       Put of thy fatherhood in our poor hearts,

       That, having children, we might guess thy love.

       And at the last, find all loves one in thee."

       And then he rose, and comforted the maid,

       Who in her brother lost the pride of life,

       Weeping as all her heaven were full of rain.

      When that which was so like him—so unlike—

       Lay in the churchyard, and the green turf soon

       Would grow together, healing up the wounds

       Of the old Earth who took her share again,

       The sister went to do his last request.

       Then found she, with his other papers, this—

       A farewell song, in lowland Scottish tongue:—

      Greetna, father, that I'm gaein'.

       For fu' weel ye ken the gaet.

       I' the winter, corn ye're sawin'—

       I' the hairst, again ye hae't.

      I'm gaein' hame to see my mither—

       She'll be weel acquant or this,

       Sair we'll muse at ane anither,

       'Tween the auld word an' new kiss.

      Love, I'm doubtin', will be scanty

       Roun' ye baith, when I'm awa';

       But the kirk has happin' plenty

       Close aside me, for you twa.

      An' aboon, there's room for mony—

       'Twas na made for ane or twa;

       But it grew for a' an' ony

       Countin' love the best ava'.

      Here, aneath, I ca' ye father:

       Auld names we'll nor tyne nor spare;

       A' my sonship I maun gather,

       For the Son is King up there.

      Greetna,