A Book of Burlesques. H. L. Mencken

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       H. L. Mencken

      A Book of Burlesques

      Published by Good Press, 2019

       [email protected]

      EAN 4057664655363

Table of Contents

       I.—DEATH I.—Death. A Philosophical Discussion

       II.—FROM THE PROGRAMME OF A CONCERT II.—From The Programme of a Concert

       III.—THE WEDDING III.—The Wedding. A Stage Direction

       IV.—THE VISIONARY IV.—The Visionary

       V.—THE ARTIST V.—The Artist. A Drama Without Words

       VI.—SEEING THE WORLD VI.—Seeing The World

       VII.—FROM THE MEMOIRS OF THE DEVIL VII.—From the Memoirs of the Devil

       VIII.—LITANIES FOR THE OVERLOOKED VIII.—Litanies for the Overlooked

       I.—For Americanos

       II.—For Hypochondriacs

       III.—For Music Lovers

       IV.—For Hangmen

       V.—For Magazine Editors

       IX.—ASEPSIS IX.—Asepsis. A Deduction in Scherzo Form

       X.—TALES OF THE MORAL AND PATHOLOGICAL X.—Tales of the Moral and Pathological

       I.—The Rewards of Science

       II.—The Incomparable Physician

       III.—Neighbours

       IV.—From the Chart

       V.—The Interior Hierarchy

       CLASS II

       CLASS III

       CLASS IV

       CLASS V

       CLASS VI

       XI.—THE JAZZ WEBSTER XI. The Jazz Webster

       XII.—THE OLD SUBJECT XII.—The Old Subject

       XIII.—PANORAMAS OF PEOPLE XIII.—Panoramas of People

       I.—Men

       II.—Women

       III.—Babies

       XIV.—HOMEOPATHICS XIV.—Homeopathics

       1. Scene Infernal.

       2. The Eternal Democrat.

       3. The School of Honor.

       4. Proposed Plot For a Modern Novel.

       5. Victory.

       XV.—VERS LIBRE XV.—Vers Libre

      The present edition includes some epigrams from “A Little Book in C Major,” now out of print. To make room for them several of the smaller sketches in the first edition have been omitted. Nearly the whole contents of the book appeared originally in The Smart Set. The references to a Europe not yet devastated by war and an America not yet polluted by Prohibition show that some of the pieces first saw print in far better days than these.

      H. L. M.

      February 1, 1920.

I.—DEATH I.—Death. A Philosophical Discussion

       Table of Contents

       The back parlor of any average American home. The blinds are drawn and a single gas-jet burns feebly. A dim suggestion of festivity: strange chairs, the table pushed back, a decanter and glasses. A heavy, suffocating, discordant scent of flowers—roses, carnations, lilies, gardenias. A general stuffiness and mugginess, as if it were raining outside, which it isn’t.

      A door leads into the front parlor. It is open, and through it the flowers may be seen. They are banked about a long black box with huge nickel handles, resting upon two folding horses. Now and then a man comes into the front room from the street door, his shoes squeaking hideously. Sometimes there is a woman, usually in deep mourning. Each visitor approaches the long black box, looks into it with ill-concealed repugnance, snuffles softly, and then backs of toward the door. A clock on the mantel-piece ticks loudly. From the street come the usual noises—a wagon rattling, the clang of a trolley car’s gong, the shrill cry of a child.

      In the back parlor six pallbearers sit upon chairs, all of them bolt upright, with their hands on their knees.