Linda Vista (TCG Edition). Tracy Letts

nine hundred. Eight hundred. Two bedrooms. And you got the pool out there.

      PAUL: Right.

      WHEELER: And you can see the ocean.

      PAUL: You can?

      WHEELER: Look through there.

      PAUL: I am.

      WHEELER: Stand here. Now stand up straight.

      PAUL: What, is that it?

      WHEELER: You’re looking to the right of the silver building?

      PAUL: Oh, there it is, got it.

      WHEELER: Yeah, so there’s a view.

      PAUL: And did this furniture come with the place?

      WHEELER: Yeah, you could get it with or without. I mean, what am I gonna do, go out and buy a bunch of furniture?

      PAUL: You could.

      WHEELER: Fuck that. This stuff is fine. (Pause) You want a beer?

       (Paul hesitates.)

      Have a beer. It’s the least I can do.

      PAUL: Sure, I got a few minutes.

      WHEELER: You want a glass?

      PAUL: No, that’s okay.

      WHEELER: The grocery store isn’t far from here.

      PAUL: That’s good.

      WHEELER: And that huge Vietnamese market. It’s like the Walmart of Vietnamese markets.

      PAUL: Here’s to the new place.

      WHEELER: The new place.

       (They clink bottles.)

      PAUL: This should make dating easier, right? A place to bring all your ladies. It’s not like you could take them back to Kelly’s garage.

      WHEELER: I really should not be with a woman right now.

      PAUL: Yeah, okay.

      WHEELER: I mean it. It’s hard for me right now to even just sit with a woman and have a conversation. I’m too old to pretend to be something I’m not and a lot of the things I am are not attractive. And this divorce has a way to go, and it’s not nasty exactly, but I can see nasty from here.

      PAUL: Really.

      WHEELER: The money’s turned into a sticking point. Which is strange.

      PAUL: Yeah, cause you don’t have any money.

      WHEELER: I get that my kid’s involved so I’m prepared to pay for that. But I sat down with Kelly and I threw out a number and she said, “You’re not even close.” I said, “What’s your number?” And she wrote it down—I think she knew how outrageous it would sound spoken out into the world—and it was a number so high only dogs could hear it. So now we got arbitration and these asshole lawyers and it’s a big fucking clusterfuck.

      PAUL: This has been going on for more than a year.

      WHEELER: Two years, this past Valentine’s Day. The affair, the discovery of the affair, was more than two years ago.

      PAUL: Two years! Wheeler! That’s a long time to live like this.

      WHEELER: What do you mean, “like this?”

      PAUL: Like a character from a Steely Dan song.

      WHEELER: I’m all right. My marriage went south, I’m not the first.

      PAUL: How’s Gabe?

      WHEELER: Who knows? He doesn’t talk to me.

      PAUL: He doesn’t talk to you.

      WHEELER: He’s thirteen, he doesn’t talk to anybody. I don’t know what’s going on with him. He’s all fucked up.

      PAUL: Does he talk to Kelly?

      WHEELER: He’ll give her some sass but that’s a whole mother-son thing, I got nothing to do with it. It’s them against the world. He just grunts with me. A grunt is a lot, really. You get a grunt, you really feel like you’re getting somewhere.

      PAUL: But he’s all right?

      WHEELER: How the fuck would I know?! He could be sniffing glue and pulling the wings off birds, for all I know.

      PAUL: Is he still playing ball?

      WHEELER: That ended a while ago. He doesn’t do anything.

      He’s on the computer a lot.

       (A moment.)

      PAUL: All right, I should get going.

      WHEELER: Yeah, go eat a steak. Tell Margaret I said hello.

      PAUL: I’ll do it.

      WHEELER: And if your friends voted for Trump, tell them a grateful nation says go fuck yourself.

      PAUL: All right.

      WHEELER: And thanks for your help today, I appreciate it. Y’know, I’ve got this hip.

      PAUL: So if we fixed you up, would you be up for that?

      WHEELER: Who’s we? Is this your idea or is it Margaret’s?

      PAUL: Margaret’s.

      WHEELER: Okay, sure, what’s the pitch? Who is this?

      PAUL: You don’t know her.

      WHEELER: I like her already.

      PAUL: And she’s nice looking.

      WHEELER: I’m not so hung up on that.

      PAUL: I admire that about you. Your lack of standards.

      WHEELER: Come on, look at me. You gotta know what pool you’re swimming in. Is she roughly my age?

      PAUL: She’s a little younger than you.

      WHEELER: Not too young. I don’t want some girl who doesn’t remember New Coke.

      PAUL: Not too young.

      WHEELER: Does she have a job?

      PAUL: She has a job. She has a good job.

      WHEELER: She’s not the mayor or something like that, is she?

      PAUL: I don’t know if it’s a good job. It’s an interesting job. She’s a life coach.

      WHEELER: What the fuck.

      PAUL: A life coach. She helps people, y’know . . .

      WHEELER: What, breathe?

      PAUL: It’s for people who get stuck. They’re dissatisfied with life, or some aspect of their life.

      WHEELER: Not like anyone I know.

      PAUL: They procrastinate, or their home life is in a rut, or they just can’t decide what it is they really want to do with their life, so they consult with Jules. She’s got a healthy business, works for herself, has a lot of clients.

      WHEELER: How do you know her?

      PAUL: Margaret used her. She helped Margaret launch this new business with the apps.

      WHEELER: The carpet thing?

      PAUL: Home design. Yes.

      WHEELER: How’s that going?

      PAUL: Going great.

      WHEELER: She making any money off that?

      PAUL: Not really.

      WHEELER: Any?

      PAUL: No.

      WHEELER: What did you say this woman’s name is? Jules?

      PAUL: Jules Isch.

      WHEELER: Are you saying her first name isn’t exactly Jules?

      PAUL: