I Have No Secrets. Penny Joelson

      ‘I’m splitting up with Richard,’ she says. ‘It has to be done – I’m not being fair on him.’ She runs a brush quickly but gently through my short tangly hair. ‘I can’t keep putting it off. I know he’ll be gutted, though – he’s such a softy.’

      At last Sarah is doing the right thing. It’s no good going out with someone just because you feel sorry for them. Now she just needs to dump Dan too! I wish she had more sense with men. She’s had a few boyfriends since she’s been here and they’ve all been hopeless. Like Jason, who was always borrowing money from her and never giving it back, and a guy called Mario who was only interested in football and a total bore. Next was wimpy Richard. And then Dan came along.

      Sarah’s in her room getting ready to go out when the doorbell rings. She’s meeting Richard in town, so I know it’s not him. I’m in the living room, but the door’s open and for once I’m at an angle where I can see into the hall. Dad opens the front door. I hear Dan’s voice greeting him.

      What’s he doing here? Sarah is definitely not expecting him.

      Dad invites Dan in and I hear the front door shut, then I watch them as they chatter about the weather. When Dan sees Sarah all dressed up, what’s he going to think? He’ll get suspicious for sure. I strain to listen, but now Olivia’s started one of her tantrums. She’s lying on the floor somewhere behind me, kicking and screaming like a two-year-old except twice as loud.

      I hear Dad call upstairs, ‘Sarah! Dan’s here!’

      He’s assumed Sarah’s going out with Dan tonight!

      At least he’s warned her – it would be awful if she came down and just found Dan in the hall. I have no idea what she’s going to do.

      Thankfully Dan doesn’t come into the living room – I think Olivia’s screaming has put him off. Mum comes in to see what’s up with her, saying a quick hello to Dan as she passes. She turns my wheelchair round, which is annoying as I’d rather watch what’s happening in the hall than look at Olivia, who is lying on the floor at the far end of the room, pointing and screaming. Now I can see what’s upset her. One of her ballet shoes is trapped on the candelabra light fitting, near the ceiling. Finn must have thrown it up there. He’s got good aim.

      Mum calms Olivia and says Dad will get it down. Finn is nowhere to be seen. Mum turns me to face the TV and switches it on. Then she pulls Olivia up gently, hugging her, and holds her hand to lead her out. I hear them going upstairs.

      I’m conscious that Dan is still in the hall. Sarah calls to say she’ll be down in a few minutes. Then I hear Dan sigh. He walks into the room and goes straight to the telly and picks up the remote, flicking through channels. He’s acting as if I’m not even here. I wish I could say, ‘Oi! I was watching that!’ even though I wasn’t really.

      He settles on the news. I don’t want the news. On the screen I can see a coffin being carried into a church. A reporter is speaking. It’s only when I hear him say the name Ryan Blake that I start paying attention properly.

      Ryan – from down the road. It was his funeral today. I want to know what the police have found out. Mum and Dad think Ryan might have been into drugs.

      ‘Police are still appealing for witnesses,’ the reporter continues, ‘and his parents are pleading for anyone who knows anything to come forward.’

      Dan suddenly turns towards me.

      ‘You don’t know anything . . . do you, our Jemma?’ he sniggers.

      I can’t bear him calling me ‘our Jemma’, like he’s part of the family or something.

      ‘Here’s a secret for you,’ he continues, ‘and I know you won’t go telling anyone.’ He winks. There’s a pause. He presses his face close to mine, so close I can feel his hot breath on my cheeks. ‘They’re never gonna catch me!’ he whispers, screwing up his eyes and then nodding at the screen. He stands back, smiling, as if he’s gloating. ‘There’s something for you to chew on, freak !’

      Sarah’s feet patter on the stairs.

      Dan quickly flicks the channel over to a game show.

      Catch him? What did he mean?

      It’s a wind-up – it must be . . .

      ‘Hiya, babe,’ he says.

      ‘What are you doing here?’ Sarah asks. I see her arms flapping a bit like Finn. I can tell she’s panicking, but she’s also gazing longingly into Dan’s eyes. She won’t cancel on Richard to go out with Dan, will she? She needs to split up with both of them. I wish she could hear what I’m telling her in my head.

      ‘You left a glove in my car,’ he tells her. ‘I only found it today. I was passing so I thought I’d pop it in. Don’t want you getting chilly fingers!’

      ‘Oh, thanks! I was wondering where it was,’ she replies. ‘But I’ve got to get a move on. I’m off out with Emma and Rihanna – we’re going to the cinema.’

      ‘Out again?’ he says.

      ‘Yes, I switched my next night off. It’s Emma’s birthday,’ Sarah says quickly. Sarah seems to have her excuse ready prepared – but I guess this is what she’s told Mum. ‘We’re having a girls’ night out. Becks is coming too. We’re seeing that film you said was for soppy teenage girls.’

      ‘No way!’

      ‘Yeah, really.’ Sarah laughs for a little too long. ‘And I’ve gotta go or I’ll be late.’

      ‘No worries, I’ll give you a lift,’ says Dan.

      ‘No, Dan. I’m fine,’ Sarah assures him.

      ‘It’s no prob,’ says Dan.

      ‘Oh . . . All right, then.’

      An uneasy feeling grips my chest. I don’t want her to go with him. What he said to me . . . Surely he was joking. Dan’s horrible, but he wouldn’t actually kill someone. Would he? And why did he turn up here this evening? It doesn’t feel right. Maybe she’s done something to make him suspicious. Was he trying to catch her out?

      Sarah says goodbye to me and touches my hand gently. Her hand is hot – she knows this is a mess and she briefly meets my eyes with a look that says she knows I know this too. She turns to the door.

      ‘Bye, Jemma,’ Dan says, winking again. I see his sneering face in my head when he called me freak and remember what else he said. I don’t trust him one bit.

      They go and I hear the front door bang shut.

      Dad comes in and stares up at the ballet shoe on the light fitting, muttering, ‘You’ve got to be joking,’ under his breath.

5

      Mum gets me ready for bed, but I’m barely listening as she chats away about needing to get me some new clothes. What did Dan mean?

      If only Mum could see inside my head – the thoughts spinning round. But I know on the outside I must look exactly the same as I always do. Nothing shows. No one knows.

      He must have been joking. If he was involved then wouldn’t we have heard something? Wouldn’t he be a suspect? Even so, I wish I could tell someone. Just so they can know what he’s like. Just in case.

      If he was confessing, then he knew he was telling the one person who would keep his secret safe. Maybe he thinks I don’t even understand what he says. I just want to know for sure. Because if Dan is a murderer, and he finds out Sarah is cheating on him . . .

      I can’t sleep at all, waiting to know that Sarah is safely back. My room is downstairs, but at the back of the house, and I listen for the sound of the front door. Finally I hear her come in, but I’m facing away from my bedside clock so can’t see the time. Maybe she’ll come