A Gingerbread Café Christmas. Rebecca Raisin

hello.”

      “Oh, no, you don’t. Not before you tell me what’s going on.” CeeCee pushes me into her formal sitting room, a chintzy affair with floral lounges, and floral curtains, her fine china on display.

      “It’s nothing, Cee. I’ve got gifts for the—”

      “Stop right there. Now, how long have I known you? And you think you can waltz in here with that pasty smile of yours, and those puffy red crying eyes, and I won’t know somethin’s wrong?”

      Damn my crying eyes. I need to learn to sob silently, to un-puff.

      “You gonna tell me or am I gonna have to march over to Damon’s and find out myself?”

      And she would. “It’s not Damon. It’s Joel.”

      “What you mean ‘Joel’?”

      “Joel rang, while Damon was there. He says he made a mistake, he’s not with the redhead any more…”

      “And what? He wants to come back to you?”

      “I guess.” I pluck at a tassel on the cushion. It’s hard not to compare the two men, and the only thing that keeps me from running back to Damon is the fact that Joel and I have so much history. I hardly know Damon.

      CeeCee’s trying really hard not to let loose what’s going on in her head but I can gather she’s none too happy, by the grunting and sighing she’s doing.

      “Sugar plum, there ain’t nothing I can say that’s gonna change your mind. You have to decide, but I just want you to know, if you lie down with dogs, you gonna get fleas!”

      I cackle along with CeeCee, and the mood lightens. “You certainly have a way with words.”

      “So, how you feel?”

      “I don’t know. Last night with Damon was magical. But Joel and I were together since we were kids, you know?”

      “I know. And you the forgiving type. Sometimes when a man does wrong, you have to make him accountable, Lil. That man don’t see what we see. He looks around this town, disdain on his face, like he better than most folk. I just wonder if he’s really ready to move back here. You and I both know this place hasn’t changed none in two years, and surely won’t any time soon.”

      She’s right. Pining for Joel these last two years, I realize I’ve been pining for what we lost, by him breaking my trust. And the fact that Joel always wanted a bigger, better life than what we had.

      “You know, it’s funny, Joel sounds exactly like Damon’s ex-wife. They think small towns are full of hicks that don’t know any better.”

      “I know all about her. Rosaleen told me everything at church today.”

      “She must have sore jaws what with all her yapping.”

      “She used to it, what with all the practice. And what about Damon? He has a baby girl?”

      I remember Damon’s Christmas gift then. I’d forgotten in the drama of the afternoon. A gingerbread-house kit. Complete with all the trimmings, ready for father and daughter to assemble when they get some time together. “Yes, he’s got a little girl named Charlie. She’s all set to visit after Christmas. And that’s who’s calling him every five minutes. Poor baby, she’s missing him like crazy.”

      CeeCee nods, “I can imagine him as a daddy. I bet he’s great with kids.”

      “But that’s just it, Cee. What if his ex-wife decides she’s made a mistake, just like Joel’s done? And she wants to come back after a while? They’ve got a little girl — they’d have to try for her sake. And then what? I’m left all alone. I just don’t know if I can go through that kind of heartbreak again.”

      “Really, sugar? You’d stop yourself from falling truly in love in case of a ‘what if’? That ain’t no way to live your life. Who knows what the future holds? But don’t put your life on hold on account of one fool who weren’t good enough for you.”

      Listening to CeeCee, so fervent and so right, I know. Everyone else has moved on, and it’s time I did too.

      “How do you think the little girl will feel about her daddy having a girlfriend?”

      “A girlfriend who owns a shop that specializes in gingerbread men? Pretty darn good! If she don’t love you from the get-go, we’ll sure as shooting find a way to her heart.”

      “Doesn’t that sound a little Hansel and Gretel to you?”

      CeeCee slaps her leg, and laughs. When she’s composed she says in a more serious tone, “Sounds as though you know what’s in your heart, Lil. I’m a let you stew on it a bit more.” She pulls me up from the lounge. “Come help me in the kitchen. I promised your mamma I was going to look after you. We need to get some meat on those bones of yours.”

      “I got plenty of meat on these bones, Cee.”

      “You could use a little more.”

      We enter the small kitchen. The table is laid with a red tablecloth, and small green candles sit in the center. Gold Christmas crackers are neatly lined up next to the cutlery. The delicious smell of turkey wafts out from the oven. I think of calling Damon. I can see him sitting here, carving up the meat, and joking with CeeCee. But I don’t, just in case he says no.

      “You want me to baste it?” I ask.

      “Sure thing, honey. And I’m gonna start the gravy. I’ll call the kids in to come say hello.”

      I yawn as I park the car in my driveway. It’s nearly two a.m., and fatigue hits me like a brick. CeeCee and I got to talking and time raced away, as it does. One by one, the kids disappeared and the house grew quiet, until it was just the two of us sitting at the table, drinking gingerbread coffees.

      The truck door creaks with protest as I push it open and hop down from the seat. I jump, startled, as I see a figure on the porch.

      “Sorry, I scared you.”

      “No, it’s OK.”

      “I couldn’t stay away,” he says.

      “Oh, yeah?”

      Heat floods my body as I run to him. I lift my face to his and kiss him full on the mouth. My heartbeat quickens as he moves his hands around my hips and pulls me closer. Cupping my face, he stops to gaze at me. “Yeah. If he wants you, he’s going to have to fight me for you.”

      We laugh. “I’ve seen those muscles of yours. I think we’d better appoint the winner now, and save all the bloodshed.”

      He nuzzles into my neck, and I break out in goose bumps. We stand under the light of the moon, and look at each other, grinning like fools. “I missed you like crazy,” he says, and bends to kiss me.

      Joel and the memory of the years we spent together drift into the night, forgotten. From now on in, I only want the real thing. I’m not settling for second best any more.

      Before I forget, I go to the truck, and retrieve Damon’s present. He unwraps it delicately and I frown at the memory of myself wrenching the paper off the gift box when he gave me the turkey.

      When he sees what it is, he stares at me, with that same all-knowing look, as if we’ve done this before. “She’s going to love that.”

      “I hope so,” I say. “After all, she’s the most important person in your life, and I just want you to know I respect that. To me, your child, no matter what the circumstance, should be number one.”

      Damon embraces me, and whispers, “How’d I get to be so lucky?”

      I lead him inside, past the Christmas tree with its flashing lights, so bright and colorful as if it’s shrieking congratulations to us. I hold that thought in my heart, and vow never to forget this moment.

      I pull Damon to the bedroom; all I want to do is