Synapse. Antjie Krog

      had him dug up again

      and dressed in a different suit

      ‘suddenly I can understand it,’ my mother said

      ‘all I can think about is to dig

      into that mound of earth and

      keep going until I reach your father

      until I reach where he is and

      lift him up by his shoulders

      the irrefutable thereness of him’

      3.

      3 december 1861

      when on that day

      he spread out

      the gold coins

      in payment for the farm

      JH Boshof’s

      little table

      broke

      when after that

      he signed the purchase contract

      laid down the pen

      Paul Johannes Delport

      knew:

      now he was

      a Baas

      4.

      [land] – in brackets untranslatable

      they say that Greatgrandmother Helena Susanna Delport

      owned [ ] all the land between Kroonstad and Renosterspruit

      after her husband died she remained there with two daughters

      one of them my grandmother Anna Elisabeth

      they say she married a middle-aged fellow Hennie Geldenhuys

      [ ] so that the land could be worked [ ]

      they say she was a diabetic [ ]

      and one day she slipped into a coma

      her two daughters came immediately from their respective

      households [ ] to prepare for the worst

      [ ] they say that within a day or two the first ampoule of insulin

      arrived at old Dr Dykman’s consulting room

      straight away he rushed out to the farm on the Kroonstad/

      Viljoenskroon road to test the new cure

      and on the way [ ] [ ] he rode past

      the local attorney on the dusty farm road

      they say immediately after the first injection

      Grandma Lena showed signs of recovery

      when she was shakily drinking some water she asked where the ink

      on her right middle finger had come from

      ‘ask your husband’ they said

      her daughter, my granny, said

      the next morning she went to town to cancel

      the will that made over all the land to Stepgrandfather Hennie

      [ ] [ ] sixteen years later she died [ ]

      Grandpa Hennie had usufruct until his death

      after a year with his new wife [ ] he moved to town [ ]

      he said Grandma Lenie cooks soap in the yard at night they said

      5.

      a story

      we grew up together on the farm, we two were the same

      early in the morning it was still dark then I could see:

      he was waiting by the trees, they were like aloe trees, he was waiting

      then we would play there we shot little birds, we rode the horses

      we would move move down to the stream till the old lady

      with the bonnet came out and called the way Matjama was

      I was the same we ate porridge from one bowl one o’clock

      then Matjama ate from his plate then I ate from my plate

      when he didn’t eat nicely then the old lady brought him outside

      then he sat next to me then we ate together I knew Matjama

      well well like I knew myself if a white child

      came and he wanted to play then we didn’t hear what he was saying

      Matjama also Matjama also didn’t understand

      white children’s language till he went to school

      then we were apart till then we were

      the same, the same then he went past us

      then another baas said: Baas Willem is looking for you

      there in Senekal at the café so I waited for him there

      but I was scared I wouldn’t remember him properly

      what I remembered well was the little scar

      Matjama had a scar above his eye from the accident

      when we were small then I saw a man standing there

      and suddenly I said loud right behind him:

      ‘Hii, dumela Matjama!’ then I saw no, the man’s head jerked

      then he laughed and then I saw the scar then he said

      he was going to get married on a farm and I must come with him

      we must stay together we must be together forever

      so I came so we stayed together until today, this very day

      I knew him like I knew myself when he came out of the house

      I could see if he was tearful or cross but one thing

      he didn’t like squabbles he looked away when there was fighting

      and when he spoke then tears would fall from your eyes

      in the farmyard I looked after the milking, sick calves, chickens

      every year the henhouse was full of chicks that had to get ants to eat

      pruning the trees the grapes laying drains and digging them open

      I slaughtered sheep, cattle, pigs I can build with sandstone

      ironstone bricks I can put in a ceiling wooden floors

      I can put on a roof I can drive all the years I drove you to school

      went to fetch flour if there was something I didn’t know how to do

      I watched, I watched then I saw then I could do it

      one thing that makes me unhappy

      is that the work I can do doesn’t have any papers

      I can do all these things but there are no papers to show it

      now I’m not the Hendrik Sengapane Nakedi that I really am

      I want to have some land a small piece I want to know: it’s mine this

      is where I will stay this is where I will build to be in my own place

      plant vegetables and trees apricot peach and a shade tree

      Matjama’s mother taught me a person

      must have a shade tree but one thing for sure: I won’t leave Matjama

      I will only leave Matjama on the day that he dies or I