3 Books By Laurence Sterne. Laurence Sterne

covered ways and counterscarps pallisadoed along it, to guard against a Coup de main:--So that the seven men upon the tower were a party, I dare say, from the Corps de Garde, set there, not only to look out, but to defend it.--They could be no more, an' please your Honour, than a Corporal's Guard.--My father smiled inwardly, but not outwardly--the subject being rather too serious, considering what had happened, to make a jest of.--So putting his pipe into his mouth, which he had just lighted,--he contented himself with ordering Trim to read on. He read on as follows:

      'To have the fear of God before our eyes, and, in our mutual dealings with each other, to govern our actions by the eternal measures of right and wrong:--The first of these will comprehend the duties of religion;--the second, those of morality, which are so inseparably connected together, that you cannot divide these two tables, even in imagination, (tho' the attempt is often made in practice) without breaking and mutually destroying them both.

      I said the attempt is often made; and so it is;--there being nothing more common than to see a man who has no sense at all of religion, and indeed has so much honesty as to pretend to none, who would take it as the bitterest affront, should you but hint at a suspicion of his moral character,--or imagine he was not conscientiously just and scrupulous to the uttermost mite.

      'When there is some appearance that it is so,--tho' one is unwilling even to suspect the appearance of so amiable a virtue as moral honesty, yet were we to look into the grounds of it, in the present case, I am persuaded we should find little reason to envy such a one the honour of his motive.

      'Let him declaim as pompously as he chooses upon the subject, it will be found to rest upon no better foundation than either his interest, his pride, his ease, or some such little and changeable passion as will give us but small dependence upon his actions in matters of great distress.

      'I will illustrate this by an example.

      'I know the banker I deal with, or the physician I usually call in,'--(There is no need, cried Dr. Slop, (waking) to call in any physician in this case)--'to be neither of them men of much religion: I hear them make a jest of it every day, and treat all its sanctions with so much scorn, as to put the matter past doubt. Well;--notwithstanding this, I put my fortune into the hands of the one:--and what is dearer still to me, I trust my life to the honest skill of the other.

      'Now let me examine what is my reason for this great confidence. Why, in the first place, I believe there is no probability that either of them will employ the power I put into their hands to my disadvantage;--I consider that honesty serves the purposes of this life:--I know their success in the world depends upon the fairness of their characters.--In a word, I'm persuaded that they cannot hurt me without hurting themselves more.

      'But put it otherwise, namely, that interest lay, for once, on the other side; that a case should happen, wherein the one, without stain to his reputation, could secrete my fortune, and leave me naked in the world;--or that the other could send me out of it, and enjoy an estate by my death, without dishonour to himself or his art:--In this case, what hold have I of either of them?--Religion, the strongest of all motives, is out of the question;--Interest, the next most powerful motive in the world, is strongly against me:--What have I left to cast into the opposite scale to balance this temptation?--Alas! I have nothing,--nothing but what is lighter than a bubble--I must lie at the mercy of Honour, or some such capricious principle--Strait security for two of the most valuable blessings!--my property and myself.

      'As, therefore, we can have no dependence upon morality without religion;--so, on the other hand, there is nothing better to be expected from religion without morality; nevertheless, 'tis no prodigy to see a man whose real moral character stands very low, who yet entertains the highest notion of himself in the light of a religious man.

      'He shall not only be covetous, revengeful, implacable,--but even wanting in points of common honesty; yet inasmuch as he talks aloud against the infidelity of the age,--is zealous for some points of religion,--goes twice a day to church,--attends the sacraments,--and amuses himself with a few instrumental parts of religion,--shall cheat his conscience into a judgment, that, for this, he is a religious man, and has discharged truly his duty to God: And you will find that such a man, through force of this delusion, generally looks down with spiritual pride upon every other man who has less affectation of piety,--though, perhaps, ten times more real honesty than himself.

      'This likewise is a sore evil under the sun; and I believe, there is no one mistaken principle, which, for its time, has wrought more serious mischiefs.--For a general proof of this,--examine the history of the Romish church;'--(Well what can you make of that? cried Dr. Slop)--'see what scenes of cruelty, murder, rapine, bloodshed,'--(They may thank their own obstinacy, cried Dr. Slop)--have all been sanctified by a religion not strictly governed by morality.

      'In how many kingdoms of the world'--(Here Trim kept waving his right-hand from the sermon to the extent of his arm, returning it backwards and forwards to the conclusion of the paragraph.)

      'In how many kingdoms of the world has the crusading sword of this misguided saint-errant, spared neither age or merit, or sex, or condition?--and, as he fought under the banners of a religion which set him loose from justice and humanity, he shewed none; mercilessly trampled upon both,--heard neither the cries of the unfortunate, nor pitied their distresses.'

      (I have been in many a battle, an' please your Honour, quoth Trim, sighing, but never in so melancholy a one as this,--I would not have drawn a tricker in it against these poor souls,--to have been made a general officer.--Why? what do you understand of the affair? said Dr. Slop, looking towards Trim, with something more of contempt than the Corporal's honest heart deserved.--What do you know, friend, about this battle you talk of?--I know, replied Trim, that I never refused quarter in my life to any man who cried out for it;--but to a woman or a child, continued Trim, before I would level my musket at them, I would loose my life a thousand times.--Here's a crown for thee, Trim, to drink with Obadiah to-night, quoth my uncle Toby, and I'll give Obadiah another too.--God bless your Honour, replied Trim,--I had rather these poor women and children had it.--thou art an honest fellow, quoth my uncle Toby.--My father nodded his head, as much as to say--and so he is.--

      But prithee, Trim, said my father, make an end,--for I see thou hast but a leaf or two left.

      Corporal Trim read on.)

      'If the testimony of past centuries in this matter is not sufficient,--consider at this instant, how the votaries of that religion are every day thinking to do service and honour to God, by actions which are a dishonour and scandal to themselves.

      'To be convinced of this, go with me for a moment into the prisons of the Inquisition.'--(God help my poor brother Tom.)--'Behold Religion, with Mercy and Justice chained down under her feet,--there sitting ghastly upon a black tribunal, propped up with racks and instruments of torment. Hark!--hark! what a piteous groan!'--(Here Trim's face turned as pale as ashes.)--'See the melancholy wretch who uttered it'--(Here the tears began to trickle down)--'just brought forth to undergo the anguish of a mock trial, and endure the utmost pains that a studied system of cruelty has been able to invent.'--(D..n them all, quoth Trim, his colour returning into his face as red as blood.)--'Behold this helpless victim delivered up to his tormentors,--his body so wasted with sorrow and confinement.'--(Oh! 'tis my brother, cried poor Trim in a most passionate exclamation, dropping the sermon upon the ground, and clapping his hands together--I fear 'tis poor Tom. My father's and my uncle Toby's heart yearned with sympathy for the poor fellow's distress; even Slop himself acknowledged pity for him.--Why, Trim, said my father, this is not a history,--'tis a sermon thou art reading; prithee begin the sentence again.)--'Behold this helpless victim delivered up to his tormentors,--his body so wasted with sorrow and confinement, you will see every nerve and muscle as it suffers.

      'Observe the last movement of that horrid engine!'--(I would rather face a cannon, quoth Trim, stamping.)--'See what convulsions it has thrown him into!--Consider the nature of the posture in which he how lies stretched,--what exquisite tortures he endures by it!'--(I hope 'tis not in Portugal.)--''Tis all nature can bear! Good God! see how it keeps his weary soul hanging upon his trembling lips!' (I would not read another