Buddha Da. Anne Donovan

thinks it’s daft but you know Jimmy – whatever Anne Marie wants she gets in the end.’

      ‘Aye, lassies can aye wind their daddies round their little fingers.’

      ‘And to be fair, Anne Marie doesnae really ask for much, no when you hear aboot some of them.’

      ‘Naw, she’s a good lassie.’

      ‘These pay as you go wans are dead cheap and you cannae run up bills on them. But don’t say anythin to her.’

      ‘Ah’ll no. It’s hard tae believe she’s twelve this year. It’s amazin how the time flies.’

      ‘You’re tellin me.’

      Ah left Mammy at the hoose and went doon tae the beach. Jimmy had built an enormous sandcastle, wi turrets and a moat, and Anne Marie was decoratin it wi shells.

      ‘Yous’ve been busy.’

      Ah started tae pick up shells, toty pale pink and lilac conches buried in the sand. ‘Here. How aboot these?’

      ‘Thanks, Mammy. Ah’ll put them round the turrets.’

      ‘When you’ve finished we’d better get up the road – remember we’re gaun oot for wer dinner the night.’

      ‘Plenty of time.’ Jimmy pulled aff his tee shirt. ‘C’mon, who’s fur a swim?’

      ‘Ah’ve no got ma swimsuit on.’

      ‘So whit? Race yous.’

      He ran across the beach, Anne Marie and me followin, mair slowly; it’s too hard tae run on sand, the wee bits of shell and seaweed jag intae yer feet if you don’t take the time tae pick yer way between them. Ah stood at the edge of the water, dippin ma toes in the ripples, then Jimmy started tae splash me and ah splashed him back and the next thing ah knew ah was soaked tae the skin. Ah moved further intae the water; it was freezin and ma shorts and tee shirt felt heavy and clingin round me but the sun was burnin ma heid and ah could hear the seagulls cryin. The sand sloped away suddenly and ah stood waist high in water. Jimmy grabbed me, liftin me high oot the water then doon and ah caught ma breath for a minute and shut ma eyes, feelin the cauld water and the heat aff the sun and the nearness of him all at once. He jumped me again, pushin me high in the air then lettin me doon again, and the two of us stood there, just lookin at each other. Him silhouetted against the sun, his face dark and his hair glintin bright and he was laughin.

      Ah peeled aff ma wet claes, chucked them intae the washin basket and jumped under the shower. It was roastin and ah turned the dial round tae make it even hotter, staundin there wi ma eyes shut, feelin the heat surround me. Ah could hear music – must be in the next room but it was muffled as if it was far away and ah could just make it oot. ‘Material Girl’. Anne Marie was obsessed wi Madonna.

      Ah dried masel, wrapped ma dressin gown round me and opened the bathroom cabinet. A box of Tampax fell oot and skited across the flair. Ah picked it up and stuck it back on the shelf. Ma period had finished two days ago and ah’d need tae remember tae start takin ma pills again the night. Ah sat doon on the toilet seat and opened a bottle of body lotion, smoothed it over ma legs.

      ‘One fish pie, one lemon sole, one fish tea and one scampi and chips. That it?’

      ‘Aye, thanks.’

      The waitress was a young lassie aboot seventeen, fair hair tied back in a pony tail. She looked at us, nodded, then heided aff intae the kitchen.

      ‘It’s warm in here, isn’t it?’

      ‘Aye, you could mibbe take your cardi aff, Gran.’

      ‘Ah’m fine.’

      It was mobbed as usual. The restaurant was at the back of the pub and there were always folk waitin in the bar for a table.

      The lassie came back wi our drinks.

      ‘Do you want the tea now or will you wait till after your meal?’ she asked Mammy.

      ‘Ah’ll have it the noo, hen.’

      Anne Marie footered aboot wi her straw. ‘Ah’m starvin.’

      ‘The food’ll be here soon. They’re always dead quick in here.’

      At the next table there was a faimly wi a couple of weans. Wan looked aboot six and was colourin in a picture, his face intent on whit he was daein. The other was in a high-chair, eatin chips, coverin hissel and everythin round him in tomato sauce. He seen me lookin at him and gied a big grin.

      ‘You forget what it’s like at that stage, don’t you?’ ah said.

      ‘Whit stage?’ Jimmy looked round. ‘Oh, aye.’ He dug Anne Marie in the ribs. ‘Ah mind when mair of your dinner ended up on ye than in ye, hen.’

      Anne Marie made a face. ‘Aye well at least ah don’t dae it noo – you should see yersel eatin tomato soup.’

      We got back fae the meal in time for Mammy tae watch EastEnders – ah think the world would end if she missed it. While she sat clocked in fronty the box, me and Anne Marie went on wi the jigsaw puzzle. Wanny they holiday traditions – ah’d nae mair think of daein a jigsaw at hame than fly in the air, but every year afore we came here, ah went tae Woolies and bought wan. It was set oot on the table in the livin room and everybody done it; got quite obsessive sometimes – you’d find yersel sittin up skelly-eyed, tryin tae finish it afore you went hame. This year’s was a cottage wi a thatched roof and roses round the door. It had a duck pond in front of it and that was hellish – wanst you’d got the ducks the rest of it all looked the same, water like glass.

      When the programme finished Mammy switched aff the TV and came and sat at the table. She started pickin oot dark green bits. ‘Must be the hedge.’

      ‘Or the grass at the bottom.’

      ‘Too dark. By the way, where’s Jimmy?’

      ‘In the bedroom,’ ah said.

      ‘Meditatin,’ said Anne Marie.

      ‘He done it last night.’ Mammy fitted a piece of hedge in, then took it oot again. ‘That’s no it.’

      ‘He does it every night, Gran.’

      ‘Every night? How?’

      ‘He likes it,’ said Anne Marie.

      ‘He’s sumpn else.’

      ‘Each to his ain,’ ah said.

      ‘Aye, said Anne Marie. ‘Some folk like meditatin, some prefer EastEnders.’

      The rest of them were in bed but ah was still up, daein that flamin jigsaw puzzle. There was fifteen bits of pond in front of me, all lookin exactly the same. Ah’d stick two of them thegether, then try them the other way round. Worked either way but then ah couldnae get any of the other pieces tae fit. Ah looked up at the clock. Midnight. Must be gaun daft – what difference did it make if it got finished or no?

      Ah sat back in the chair, stretched ma airms above ma heid. Jimmy’d went up an hour ago but ah wasnae sure if he’d be asleep. Ah knew we should talk but ah kept puttin it aff. This meditation stuff. It was all very well me sayin tae Mammy it was just sumpn he done, as if it was like gaun tae the footie, but it wasnae. Ah didnae know why he done it or what it meant tae him. It just wasnae like him tae want tae be on his ain. Usually it was the other way round – me tryin tae get a bit of peace and him the wan that never shut up.

      Ah went intae the bathroom, took cleanser oot the cabinet, squeezed it ontae a bit of cotton wool and rubbed it over ma face. Ah lifted the pack of pills and stood lookin at them. And a picture came intae ma mind; the wee boy in the high-chair, smeared wi red, smilin at me and the other wan, quiet, colourin in.

      Nearly every month ah done this, looked at the pack, thought aboot talkin tae Jimmy. Mibbe ah shouldnae bother, mibbe ah should just chuck them in the bin and let nature take