Buddha Da. Anne Donovan

stopped smoking ten years ago. It is harder than stopping drink certainly. Smoking is more of an addiction.’

      ‘So, ah mean, the Buddhism … is that how you gie things up … ah mean, is that part of it? Ah mean, ah presume you’ve gied up meat?’

      ‘Maybe giving up isn’t the right way to think of it. You just choose something else. If you don’t drink you get clearer; eating vegetables instead of meat, well, it seems lighter somehow, that’s all. And it’s just my choice … I mean I wouldn’t try to persuade anyone else.’

      ‘So you wouldnae expect your boyfriend tae be a vegetarian, then?’

      ‘My boyfriend?’

      ‘Ah mean if you had wan … or husband or that?’

      ‘No I wouldn’t, though it’s unlikely that I’d have one.’

      ‘Ah’m sorry, didnae mean tae be cheeky.’

      ‘It’s OK, I just mean that I’m not into having sexual relationships with anyone at the moment.’

      ‘Gettin over somebuddy?’

      ‘No, it’s just like the not drinking. I find I have more clarity if I just … abstain from these things.’

      ‘Right.’

      ‘I’m sorry. I must sound like a real bore. It’s just … what I feel is best for me now, you know.’

      ‘Ah see. Sorry, Barbara, ah didnae mean tae pry intae yer private life. It’s nane ae ma business. It’s just, what wi us bein thegether here and the meditatin and that, ah kind of feel we’re … well no friends exactly, but, ah suppose we are friends.’

      ‘I hope we are friends, Jimmy. I’d like for us to be friends.’

      ‘Good.’

      ‘So what about your process?’

      ‘Ma process?’

      ‘You know, the meditation … I mean how is it working with the rest of your life?’

      Ah sat there, wi a fork fulla food haufway between ma mooth and the plate.

      ‘Well, you know, ah just dae the meditation. A lot of the time ah’m in the dark aboot how it affects anythin really. It just seems tae make other folk mad at me ah think.’

      ‘Your wife and family don’t approve?’

      ‘Anne Marie’s quite interested in it – she wants tae know whit it’s aboot. John thinks ah’m aff ma heid but he’s ma brother so he’s always thought that anyway. And Liz … aye, ah think Liz doesnae really approve.’

      ‘Doe she not approve of Buddhism or is it because she feels you’re changing?’

      ‘You know, Barbara, ah don’t really know whit she thinks.’

      * * *

      All the way alang the motorway it was beautiful. Even in the daurk you could feel the cleanness of the night, then, just ootside Glesga a smirr of rain started and ah pit on the windscreen wipers. Rain, hame. Ah sterted tae smile tae masel. Rain, hame. The lights on the other side of the motorway were blurrin in the drizzle. Thon big metal horse loomin up at the side. Then the gasworks, painted blue – ‘Glasgow for it’. Ah wanted tae laugh. Glasgow for it. That’s the gemm. Embra’s lovely, a great place for a day oot or a wee break but Glesga’s hame.

      Ah arrived back at the hoose tae find oor John staundin at the close door.

      ‘Just round tae see if you wanted tae go oot for a pint wi the birthday boy.’

      ‘It’s no your birthday tae the morra.’

      ‘Aye, but a man’s only forty the wanst – ah’m gonnae make the maisty it. Ah was supposed tae be gaun oot for a meal wi Tricia the night but she’s no feelin brilliant.’

      ‘Whit’s up?’

      ‘Nothin really, she’s just had the cold, but she thought she’d rather save hersel for the party the morra.’

      We went in the hoose. Anne Marie was in the livin room playin wi her playstation.

      ‘Hiya, Da. Hiya, Uncle John.’

      ‘Hi, hen. Is yer mammy in?’

      ‘Aye, she’s in the bedroom – workin oot whit tae wear for the party the morra night.’

      Liz came in tae the livin room.

      ‘Hi, John. How are you?’

      ‘Ah’m fine. Just here tae get your man oot for a pint – is he’s allowed oot the night?’

      ‘Oh, you know Jimmy, does his ain thing.’

      She sat doon on the airm of the couch.

      ‘Job all finished noo, Jimmy?’

      ‘Aye, all done – got the cash in ma pocket.’ Ah patted ma jaicket pocket.

      ‘Gie you cash, did she? Ah had her doon as wanny the cheque brigade.’

      ‘Aye, me too, but she just haunded me a wad a notes.’

      ‘Must of been pleased wi the job.’

      ‘Nae wonder, the hours it’s taken him. He’s no been hame tae nine a’clock at night this week. Ah hope it was worth it.’ There was an edge tae her voice.

      John looked at me, wi a big brother kind of look.

      ‘It was a big job, right enough,’ he says. ‘Thon cornice – she wanted it painted three different colours and a bit a gold leaf at the corners and all. And she looked like the pernickety kind. Wouldnae fancy gaun hame tae her wi an empty pay packet. Raither strip woodchip. Right, son, are we on for this pint?’

      ‘Awright. Just a couple, mind. Ah’m knackered and ah want tae enjoy masel the morra.’

      ‘Want sumpn tae eat afore you go oot, Jimmy?’

      ‘Naw, thanks hen, ah’ve had sumpn.’

      ‘Barbara make yer tea again?’

      ‘Aye.’

      ‘Must of been really pleased wi the work efter aw.’

      ‘Well, this boy is the David Beckham of the gold leaf. And ah promise ah’ll no keep him oot late, Liz. We’ll see you the morra night, eh?’

      ‘Aye, John. See yous.’

      ‘Night, Anne Marie. Liz, ah’ll see you later.’ Ah went tae kiss her and she turned her cheek tae me but didnae kiss me back.

      As soon as we were oot the hoose John says. ‘Jimmy, am ah mistaken or are things a bit chilly between yous two?’

      ‘How d’you mean?’

      ‘Well, Liz seems tae think that there’s sumpn gaun on between you and thon Barbara wumman.’

      ‘You know that’s shite, John.’

      ‘Ah know that’s shite but it’s what Liz thinks that’s the point.’

      Ah didnae reply.

      ‘Is there sumpn you want tae tell your big brother aboot?’

      ‘Look, ah swear tae God, John, there is nothin gaun on between me and Barbara.’

      ‘What aboot you stayin late and her makin yer dinner? Whit’s that all aboot.’

      ‘Christ, ah thought ah was daein the right thing. If ah hadnae stayed late the job would of taken up haufy next week when we’re supposed tae be startin on Macintosh’s. And it made sense tae work through the rush hour and then come hame when the traffic’s quieter. The wumman offered tae make me ma dinner – she was just bein decent. Ah mean look at that auld dolly up Kelvindale last spring – the wan that was bringin us rolls and sausage at lunchtime